(no subject)
Blah blah blah.
My life is one big depression roller coaster. One moment things are great and I'm feeling on top of the world. The next moment, even the slightest thing could go wrong, and all I wanna do is crawl into a hole. It's been better lately...but before...all I wanted to do was cry...and sometimes I did. I hide it well, though. I'll never get all emotional in front of my roommates...my problems are just that, my problems. They all have enough of their own without me adding to it. So...I would just sit in my room and cry...even if it was just a few tears running down my cheeks. Sometimes everyone needs to cry.
Last year I thought that maybe I should be put on medication for all this...because sometimes it just got to be too much. Nothing was going right and I felt like the biggest fuck up in the world. But I only cried by myself...or when my mom made me talk to her, which basically was her yelling at me...me telling her that I'm sorry I'm such a screw up...then her trying to comfort me, but not making it any better. Nothing she could say would make me feel better because at the time she was usually the source for all of my problems. She would say things unintentionally that made me feel worthless...like I was good for nothing. More often than not I would cry myself to sleep, or cry in the shower...cuz those were the times I was all by myself. That's all over now. I've moved on, and the problems have been resolved. But now into this year, there have been other problems...and some of those feelings return from time to time.
I really wish I didn't get like that. I just get overly emotional sometimes. I feel like there's nothing out there for me...that I'm destined to be a loser. But...lately I've felt the best I have in a long time.
I don't know why I wrote all that. I guess I just needed to kind of see my feelings in front of me...to help me sort them out...and try not to do the same things over and over again.
Yeah, that all totally came out of nowhere...
My life is one big depression roller coaster. One moment things are great and I'm feeling on top of the world. The next moment, even the slightest thing could go wrong, and all I wanna do is crawl into a hole. It's been better lately...but before...all I wanted to do was cry...and sometimes I did. I hide it well, though. I'll never get all emotional in front of my roommates...my problems are just that, my problems. They all have enough of their own without me adding to it. So...I would just sit in my room and cry...even if it was just a few tears running down my cheeks. Sometimes everyone needs to cry.
Last year I thought that maybe I should be put on medication for all this...because sometimes it just got to be too much. Nothing was going right and I felt like the biggest fuck up in the world. But I only cried by myself...or when my mom made me talk to her, which basically was her yelling at me...me telling her that I'm sorry I'm such a screw up...then her trying to comfort me, but not making it any better. Nothing she could say would make me feel better because at the time she was usually the source for all of my problems. She would say things unintentionally that made me feel worthless...like I was good for nothing. More often than not I would cry myself to sleep, or cry in the shower...cuz those were the times I was all by myself. That's all over now. I've moved on, and the problems have been resolved. But now into this year, there have been other problems...and some of those feelings return from time to time.
I really wish I didn't get like that. I just get overly emotional sometimes. I feel like there's nothing out there for me...that I'm destined to be a loser. But...lately I've felt the best I have in a long time.
I don't know why I wrote all that. I guess I just needed to kind of see my feelings in front of me...to help me sort them out...and try not to do the same things over and over again.
Yeah, that all totally came out of nowhere...