blahh
You know, I don't even remember the last time I posted. I'm sitting in my Systems and Theories of Psych class and I'm bored, and feel the need to write something. I'm in my last semester of college. WHAT? I remember the last semester of high school like it was yesterday. Everything's changed so fast, it's overwhelming. I have an interview on Monday with Metlife in Westboro...a real life job...something I actually have to think about now. Another company in Waltham called me too, asking to set up an interview when I'm home over Easter break. I was so excited yesterday when both places contacted me, I could have done a little dance. Now I'm starting to worry a bit. Understandable, I guess. I don't know, there are just so many "lasts" that are starting to happen. My last semester of college. My last semester with the crew team. My last first class(es). Pretty soon it will be my last race, last day at work, last trip to our house, and last day with my roommates.
Melissa wants to move out early...apparently Stacey and I don't treat her with enough respect and don't make Jill (her girlfriend) feel welcome. This coming from the girl who is ALWAYS with her girlfriend, ALWAYS leaving her crap around the house, NEVER cleaning up after herself, and WE'RE supposed to act like everything's great? Augh, whatever. She was my best friend here for 2.5 years, since freshman year, but she's changed so much since she started dating Jill...she's 21 and acts like she's 13 half the time, it's obnoxious. And she doesn't get it, it's so frustrating. So yeah, she wants to be moved out by March, leaving Stacey and I high and dry with an entire house to pay for. Awesome.
Classes aren't too stressful this semester, although I know they will be soon. I start an internship at Moore Rehab soon, working with patients who are going through physical therapy, helping them with the psychological aspects of recovery...if my supervisor ever gets back to me...I need to start soon in order to accumulate enough hours by the end of the semester, and I really only have one day a week (Wednesday) that I can go...I work Monday and Friday and have classes Tuesday and Thursday. Oh well, I'll just keep bugging the guy. I'm dropping 4-heart harmony too, which is more than slightly relieving. I can't take it anymore; or director is TERRIBLE and picks the worst music for us to sing, and I can't make a bunch of the concerts anyways because of either work or races, so I have enough reasons to drop the class. Plus I don't need the credit to graduate. Word.
Home front is a little stressful, to say the least. My mom and I are starting to worry how we're going to be paying for the house once I graduate. She moved in with her boyfriend, Kevin over the summer, so when I'm home, I've been living in our house alone since then. My dad will stop paying child support when I graduate, and my mom's technically unemployed at the moment. The auto collision repair company she was working for laid her off last year because people weren't getting in enough accidents haha, so they didn't need her in the office. She's been working part time at her gym since then, under the table, but it's not exactly a hefty paycheck, and her total income is going to be cut in half in a few months. As such, she's putting extra pressure on me to make sure I get a good enough job to support HER on top of myself. The bills for the house alone come out to around $3200/month, which I KNOW I won't be making at an entry level position. That, and I'll have all my own bills (groceries, gas, phone, etc) plus 2 horses to pay board on. Sooo that's kind of stressful. Living alone is its own kind of stress too...it's nice to have so much freedom, but it gets really lonely...I need people around, I need to be around people. I ended up not spending too much time home over the summer because I couldn't bear to be alone all the time. Does that sound irrational? I've been told that I need to learn how to be alone, but I already know how. I was alone for my entire life; I'm an only child and I lived with my mother, who was always at work. Before having a car, I didn't see any of my friends unless it was at school, or if I got picked up by a friend's parent or something...in short, I didn't do much but go to the barn or sit home alone all summer and over vacations. So it seems completely rational and normal to me to see people and hang out when the opportunity arises, since those opportunities now exist; I have friends, I should be able to hang out with them, right? Correct me if I'm wrong here, please.
So many people around me are all in such different places now. I'm graduating, Dominique's now commuting to BU from home and hoping to graduate in December, Jason started taking classes again, Melissa's too involved with Jill to think about much else, Stacey works full time and has her own concerns about finding a place to leave once I graduate, as well as tests for the police academy, Jess, Cassie, and so many others are all concentrating on their own college careers as juniors, and there are so many people I only talk to sporadically...it just seems that everyone's in very different spots from where they were just a few short months ago. I understand that everyone has their own lives and people grow and change both independently and in relation to others, but it gets depressing and frustrating when the people you were closest to you suddenly find yourself at odds with, and things you thought were solid and stable are in reality, shaky and falling apart. Oh well, I guess that's life.
I guess I just feel kind of lost most of the time. I know what I'm doing with my life at the moment, but I also realize that this "moment" I'm in is soon going to be May and then it's going to be the rest of my life. This is just another part of growing up and changing. I like change, it's interesting and fun. I just don't like change when it messes up what was already going well...it hurts too much. I don't know...I guess I'd rather the changes be over and done with already so I wouldn't have to go through them haha...cheating, I know. I think that's it...I just needed to vent...thoughts are more than welcome...
Melissa wants to move out early...apparently Stacey and I don't treat her with enough respect and don't make Jill (her girlfriend) feel welcome. This coming from the girl who is ALWAYS with her girlfriend, ALWAYS leaving her crap around the house, NEVER cleaning up after herself, and WE'RE supposed to act like everything's great? Augh, whatever. She was my best friend here for 2.5 years, since freshman year, but she's changed so much since she started dating Jill...she's 21 and acts like she's 13 half the time, it's obnoxious. And she doesn't get it, it's so frustrating. So yeah, she wants to be moved out by March, leaving Stacey and I high and dry with an entire house to pay for. Awesome.
Classes aren't too stressful this semester, although I know they will be soon. I start an internship at Moore Rehab soon, working with patients who are going through physical therapy, helping them with the psychological aspects of recovery...if my supervisor ever gets back to me...I need to start soon in order to accumulate enough hours by the end of the semester, and I really only have one day a week (Wednesday) that I can go...I work Monday and Friday and have classes Tuesday and Thursday. Oh well, I'll just keep bugging the guy. I'm dropping 4-heart harmony too, which is more than slightly relieving. I can't take it anymore; or director is TERRIBLE and picks the worst music for us to sing, and I can't make a bunch of the concerts anyways because of either work or races, so I have enough reasons to drop the class. Plus I don't need the credit to graduate. Word.
Home front is a little stressful, to say the least. My mom and I are starting to worry how we're going to be paying for the house once I graduate. She moved in with her boyfriend, Kevin over the summer, so when I'm home, I've been living in our house alone since then. My dad will stop paying child support when I graduate, and my mom's technically unemployed at the moment. The auto collision repair company she was working for laid her off last year because people weren't getting in enough accidents haha, so they didn't need her in the office. She's been working part time at her gym since then, under the table, but it's not exactly a hefty paycheck, and her total income is going to be cut in half in a few months. As such, she's putting extra pressure on me to make sure I get a good enough job to support HER on top of myself. The bills for the house alone come out to around $3200/month, which I KNOW I won't be making at an entry level position. That, and I'll have all my own bills (groceries, gas, phone, etc) plus 2 horses to pay board on. Sooo that's kind of stressful. Living alone is its own kind of stress too...it's nice to have so much freedom, but it gets really lonely...I need people around, I need to be around people. I ended up not spending too much time home over the summer because I couldn't bear to be alone all the time. Does that sound irrational? I've been told that I need to learn how to be alone, but I already know how. I was alone for my entire life; I'm an only child and I lived with my mother, who was always at work. Before having a car, I didn't see any of my friends unless it was at school, or if I got picked up by a friend's parent or something...in short, I didn't do much but go to the barn or sit home alone all summer and over vacations. So it seems completely rational and normal to me to see people and hang out when the opportunity arises, since those opportunities now exist; I have friends, I should be able to hang out with them, right? Correct me if I'm wrong here, please.
So many people around me are all in such different places now. I'm graduating, Dominique's now commuting to BU from home and hoping to graduate in December, Jason started taking classes again, Melissa's too involved with Jill to think about much else, Stacey works full time and has her own concerns about finding a place to leave once I graduate, as well as tests for the police academy, Jess, Cassie, and so many others are all concentrating on their own college careers as juniors, and there are so many people I only talk to sporadically...it just seems that everyone's in very different spots from where they were just a few short months ago. I understand that everyone has their own lives and people grow and change both independently and in relation to others, but it gets depressing and frustrating when the people you were closest to you suddenly find yourself at odds with, and things you thought were solid and stable are in reality, shaky and falling apart. Oh well, I guess that's life.
I guess I just feel kind of lost most of the time. I know what I'm doing with my life at the moment, but I also realize that this "moment" I'm in is soon going to be May and then it's going to be the rest of my life. This is just another part of growing up and changing. I like change, it's interesting and fun. I just don't like change when it messes up what was already going well...it hurts too much. I don't know...I guess I'd rather the changes be over and done with already so I wouldn't have to go through them haha...cheating, I know. I think that's it...I just needed to vent...thoughts are more than welcome...