Dreams can be deceiving...
Yeah so, for some unknown reason I was completely exhausted last night when I got home from work/class. I sat on the couch, talked to Derek, called the Fisher's to see if I could get the key to the house so I can surprise the newly weds when they come home on Saturday with a decorated house. Basically, I started passing out around 9:30PM or so and continued to sleep on the couch throughout the night. I still had my clothes on this morning from yesterday.
I guess I've been pretty anxious lately and I thought that would subside after the wedding. I guess not. I had some pretty weird dreams this morning. It's funny how dreams can bring up things that you thought you were done dealing with and things you just don't want to have to deal with anymore. In one particular dream, I was still taking high school courses (in addtion to my graduate ones) but hadn't been going to any of the classes because I've been so busy and just haven't had the motivation to go. Because I hadn't gone to these classes, I was running the risk of failing most of them and even though I already graduated high school, the fact that I chose to take more classes meant they still counted for something (God knows what, my "file" or transcripts?). That dream turned into other random ones, such as me working at a movie theater, etc. One theme that emerged...I really don't want to do this anymore. This meaning school, so thank God I only have two weeks left, huh? School hasn't been the only thing on my mind either I guess. The stress of the wedding, finishing school, seeing people I haven't seen in a while, not talking to people who used to be close, being 24 and leaving life to God's will because I have no idea where I will be working or who will be in my life in the years to come. Excuse me while I have a panic attack now. Dammit, fuck you dreams...I got a decent amount of sleep but woke up kind of depressed. Today was supposed to be a productive day.
In other news, I got my other midterm back and managed an A on that. That was exciting, especially since he had written "Good" on every page, sometimes even twice on one page. Hardly any negative comments (actually only one due to a grammar mistake). What's even more comforting about my good grade on this paper was that on the front page he states," It is clear that you understand CBT Principles and how to apply them to clients with these problems." And this is from the head of the program. Even better, I got my Oral Exam date and the two profesoprs who will be listening to my presentation - one being...the head of the program. This was something I didn't want as a previous presentation did not go so well with him. On the other hand, I no longer believe this man thinks that I'm an idiot and, it will be even more of an accomplishment for me if I give my oral presentation and I pass with honors (which I really want to do). So with that in mind I will attempt to shake off these craptastic feelings and get some work done.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave.
cause your presence still lingers here,
and it won't leave me alone
~ Evanescence
I guess I've been pretty anxious lately and I thought that would subside after the wedding. I guess not. I had some pretty weird dreams this morning. It's funny how dreams can bring up things that you thought you were done dealing with and things you just don't want to have to deal with anymore. In one particular dream, I was still taking high school courses (in addtion to my graduate ones) but hadn't been going to any of the classes because I've been so busy and just haven't had the motivation to go. Because I hadn't gone to these classes, I was running the risk of failing most of them and even though I already graduated high school, the fact that I chose to take more classes meant they still counted for something (God knows what, my "file" or transcripts?). That dream turned into other random ones, such as me working at a movie theater, etc. One theme that emerged...I really don't want to do this anymore. This meaning school, so thank God I only have two weeks left, huh? School hasn't been the only thing on my mind either I guess. The stress of the wedding, finishing school, seeing people I haven't seen in a while, not talking to people who used to be close, being 24 and leaving life to God's will because I have no idea where I will be working or who will be in my life in the years to come. Excuse me while I have a panic attack now. Dammit, fuck you dreams...I got a decent amount of sleep but woke up kind of depressed. Today was supposed to be a productive day.
In other news, I got my other midterm back and managed an A on that. That was exciting, especially since he had written "Good" on every page, sometimes even twice on one page. Hardly any negative comments (actually only one due to a grammar mistake). What's even more comforting about my good grade on this paper was that on the front page he states," It is clear that you understand CBT Principles and how to apply them to clients with these problems." And this is from the head of the program. Even better, I got my Oral Exam date and the two profesoprs who will be listening to my presentation - one being...the head of the program. This was something I didn't want as a previous presentation did not go so well with him. On the other hand, I no longer believe this man thinks that I'm an idiot and, it will be even more of an accomplishment for me if I give my oral presentation and I pass with honors (which I really want to do). So with that in mind I will attempt to shake off these craptastic feelings and get some work done.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave.
cause your presence still lingers here,
and it won't leave me alone
~ Evanescence