RABIES
Who has to go to the ER to get rabies and tetanus shots in the middle of the night because a strange cat mysteriously appeared in her house and began freaking the fuck out and bit her?
Yeah. That's me.
No, we have no idea how the cat got in. It was trying to get out by bashing itself against windows and jumping ten feet straight in the air and destroying my bathroom and my housemate's bedroom and I'm honestly kind of worried it hurt itself but I'm slightly more worried about how a big chubby cat got into my house with all the doors and windows shut and locked.
They X-rayed me, because apparently sometimes cats leave chunks of fang in your flesh when they bite you (WHAT), and put me on heavy antibiotics because apparently cats have highly toxic mouths (WHAT).
Also did I mention I had to get a rabies shot? Except it's actually rabies SHOTS, seven total, one in each shoulder and one in each side of the bite mark (because when I have big bloody wounds, I know my favorite thing to do with them is stick NEEDLES FULL OF THICK VISCOUS FLUID IN THEM), and THREE IN MY BUTT, because actually, even more fun that having needles stuck in my wounds is having to bend over a hospital bed and have multiple needles stuck in my ass in the middle of the night.
And then they came back and said, oh, sorry, one more shot, we forgot about the tetanus. And I was like, it's cool, at this point I don't think it matters any more.
But now I'm finally home and there are NO CATS (possibly checked under the bed, just in case) and I feel like a very sore pincushion and I have to go back three times for more rabies needles and I kind of want to be angry or upset, but the whole situation is just way too fucking hilarious. I mean, magical Houdini cat! (Seriously hope it's okay.) Ass full of needles! Best excuse for why I will not be making it to work on time ever! Also you know I am pulling this story out and retelling it until I am nintey-two.
Yeah. That's me.
No, we have no idea how the cat got in. It was trying to get out by bashing itself against windows and jumping ten feet straight in the air and destroying my bathroom and my housemate's bedroom and I'm honestly kind of worried it hurt itself but I'm slightly more worried about how a big chubby cat got into my house with all the doors and windows shut and locked.
They X-rayed me, because apparently sometimes cats leave chunks of fang in your flesh when they bite you (WHAT), and put me on heavy antibiotics because apparently cats have highly toxic mouths (WHAT).
Also did I mention I had to get a rabies shot? Except it's actually rabies SHOTS, seven total, one in each shoulder and one in each side of the bite mark (because when I have big bloody wounds, I know my favorite thing to do with them is stick NEEDLES FULL OF THICK VISCOUS FLUID IN THEM), and THREE IN MY BUTT, because actually, even more fun that having needles stuck in my wounds is having to bend over a hospital bed and have multiple needles stuck in my ass in the middle of the night.
And then they came back and said, oh, sorry, one more shot, we forgot about the tetanus. And I was like, it's cool, at this point I don't think it matters any more.
But now I'm finally home and there are NO CATS (possibly checked under the bed, just in case) and I feel like a very sore pincushion and I have to go back three times for more rabies needles and I kind of want to be angry or upset, but the whole situation is just way too fucking hilarious. I mean, magical Houdini cat! (Seriously hope it's okay.) Ass full of needles! Best excuse for why I will not be making it to work on time ever! Also you know I am pulling this story out and retelling it until I am nintey-two.