Starbucks has a strangle-hold on my heart.

[crazyinsaneo]

I go out for Starbucks everynight. I really can't afford it, but I do it anyway. Not because the coffee is good. I think it's because... I try to relax and thing about things on the way there/back? Maybe. I don't know. I'm confused about everything now-a-days. Maybe not confused... maybe just not happy? Yeah, probably that. Not happy. But like, why am I not happy? Teen agnst? Maybe, at least people will say that. Lonely? Yeah, I admit, i'm lonely. I'll deal with that though. Scared? You betcha. Scared of what? I don't exactly know. School probably. Not the school itself, but me knowing that my future basically depends on these next 4 years or so. Scared that I won't be able to do the work to get my degree. Scared that I don't want to be a nuclear engineer. Scared that I will be one, having this nice car and big house, and have no one to share it with. Scared that I won't make it. Scared that i'll self-destruct before that can happen. Scared that I won't sleep again. Seriously, I'm so fucking tired. Yet I can't sleep. And with no reason why. Parents say its because I get Starbucks at 11:30, but caffiene wears off. I don't know. Maybe i'm just complaing. Doubt it though. While I am complaining, it's all true. I should probably hang out with my friends more. But thats a problem too. Dane and I have conflicting schedules, Roberto is leaving soon, and is putting godawful hours in at work so he can buy beer in Minn. i'm guessing. Getting a hold of Mike is like trying to get through to the President. I'll keep trying though. I don't even want to think about the 21st when Roberto and Dane leave. That is going to suck. I don't care how much Roberto says that it's pussy or whatever, i'll miss them. Then I think about the band. Yeah, i'm in a band, even though you never heard any of our shit. That was like, a release for me. Now what? My feelings were in those notes. My happiness, hurt, anger, and sadness. Now what? No one wants to hear just guitar. Especially mediocre guitar at that. I don't know. At least my puppy makes me happy. She'll just peek her head in my door at random hours of the night. Think she is just checking on me. Makes me smile though. Good thing about dogs is that no matter what happens, they'll always love you. You could beat the shit out of it, and 30 seconds later it'll be wagging it's tail because it thinks that you're talking to it. This song also makes me happy. It also makes me sad. You could call it bitter-sweet. At the end, you're like, smiling, while tears go down your face. Weird I know, but it's true. I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Not stopping...

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine...
It's just a beautiful song. I don't know. This was good though. Nice talk, screen. I'll speak with you later.