(no subject)
It's strange to me that she apparently is upset that I'm not talking to her. I'm not getting into that whole "oh, nobody actually cares about me" bullshit again, it's more the fact that I was the last person to communicate with the other. Technically, she's the one not talking to me. I've said my piece, and I have nothing more to say to her until she responds to me.
I do miss her, but I'm getting really sick of this cycle. She's being dumb. Not a week after she spends hours balling her eyes out in my room about how this is the last time he's going to make her cry, she starts talking to him again. And she's saying the same exact things she always does. And she's spinning the same exact spiral she always has.
I'm still wondering if all of this is worth it. I'd love to just let it go and let it run it's course for the sixth or seventh or however many times it's been, but I can't stand seeing her like that. And as much as she says "well then if it happens, let me fall. Let me crash and burn for my own mistakes," (which happens to be one of the things that she has said every single time this part of the cycle has passed), I don't know if I'm capable of doing that. I'm exhausted with her. I don't want to give up on her, but it's been six painful years of this. Of her getting attatched and shutting everyone out but him and hurting everyone close to her, and then him dropping her like a used band-aid, and her going through the whole big realization of who her real friends are, and falling back on every one of us and letting us pick up the pieces, and then going right back to him, making excuses and telling everyone that she's hurt, everyone that loves her to leave her alone and let her make her own mistakes, because it "doesn't involve us". She's made it perfectly clear that she's not willing to hear what we have to say time and time again. I don't know if I can keep it up.
I do miss her, but I'm getting really sick of this cycle. She's being dumb. Not a week after she spends hours balling her eyes out in my room about how this is the last time he's going to make her cry, she starts talking to him again. And she's saying the same exact things she always does. And she's spinning the same exact spiral she always has.
I'm still wondering if all of this is worth it. I'd love to just let it go and let it run it's course for the sixth or seventh or however many times it's been, but I can't stand seeing her like that. And as much as she says "well then if it happens, let me fall. Let me crash and burn for my own mistakes," (which happens to be one of the things that she has said every single time this part of the cycle has passed), I don't know if I'm capable of doing that. I'm exhausted with her. I don't want to give up on her, but it's been six painful years of this. Of her getting attatched and shutting everyone out but him and hurting everyone close to her, and then him dropping her like a used band-aid, and her going through the whole big realization of who her real friends are, and falling back on every one of us and letting us pick up the pieces, and then going right back to him, making excuses and telling everyone that she's hurt, everyone that loves her to leave her alone and let her make her own mistakes, because it "doesn't involve us". She's made it perfectly clear that she's not willing to hear what we have to say time and time again. I don't know if I can keep it up.