Back again. . .
I can't access my old account; it was from over 6 years ago. I haven't read through all of the old entries, but if I ever want to I can (the old account is haze44). Just reading a couple entries makes me realize I do have a problem. I have an eating disorder. I have a problem. Not only with that but depression too. I'm in college now, but it's eye opening- this epiphany. I know I need help, but I was doing well for a while. I relapsed though after I started smoking (cigarettes among other things . . . ). I lost a lot of weight and I gained it back. Story of my life. I know life will not be better if I'm thinner, but I think I will be more confident if I get back to a healthy point. I just can't keep restricting/binging/purging. I know what I have to do. I have the tools, the foundation, the knowledge to start the recovery process. I just need a cleansing water fast to break this temporary low I'm stuck in. I know that's probably the wrong way to start things off, but I want to get rid of all these toxins I've put in my body and give it time to heal. Plus my throat really hurts/is swollen from purging. I've kind of isolated myself a bit. Things can only get better though . . . my current weight is probably around 165, I'm 5'8" but I'm trying to stay away from the scales. One thing that's helped is exercising. It's a nice substitute for smoking/eating. I've been good about it for the past week and a half, and I hope to continue (taking a break while I'm cleansing). I'd like to lose about 25 pounds in a healthy way. My low weight is 119 (years and years ago). Last year I weighed about 130 (during an anorexic episode) and looked skeletal (I was also drinking/smoking/taking too many ADHD drugs). So I hope to be at a happy and healthy weight soon.