(no subject)
it's over. done. through. finished. whatever. i can't change anything. time to move on. live life. keep on trucking.
yeah i can say these things. but we all know that talk is cheap.
so why do i torture myself with the casual intermittent thoughts? not thoughts of how to go about anything. thoughts about what if? and not even that. thoughts about memories. times. places. joy that was experienced before......
i really miss those feelings i had.
how come i have to be up at the wee hours in the morning when nobody is up. everything is dark. my bed engulfs me. as does the loneliness. and not the "i don't have a girlfriend" loneliness. i mean absolute 4 fucking 30 in the morning i have no idea what is going on anymore loneliness.
part of me wants to think i am just lazy and somehow i have convinced myself i am depressed and i can blame any other problem on that. but when i think about that it still makes me sad thinking about how much my parents do and are willing to go through for me and if i am subconciously faking this. what a piece of shit i am.
a thought came to my head before i decided to actually get on this and update.
"i think it's best to be remembered for the greatness i have already lived. instead of the failure i'm about to become."
that may sound really bad, emo, whatever. but the sad thing is i pretty much believe it.
yeah i can say these things. but we all know that talk is cheap.
so why do i torture myself with the casual intermittent thoughts? not thoughts of how to go about anything. thoughts about what if? and not even that. thoughts about memories. times. places. joy that was experienced before......
i really miss those feelings i had.
how come i have to be up at the wee hours in the morning when nobody is up. everything is dark. my bed engulfs me. as does the loneliness. and not the "i don't have a girlfriend" loneliness. i mean absolute 4 fucking 30 in the morning i have no idea what is going on anymore loneliness.
part of me wants to think i am just lazy and somehow i have convinced myself i am depressed and i can blame any other problem on that. but when i think about that it still makes me sad thinking about how much my parents do and are willing to go through for me and if i am subconciously faking this. what a piece of shit i am.
a thought came to my head before i decided to actually get on this and update.
"i think it's best to be remembered for the greatness i have already lived. instead of the failure i'm about to become."
that may sound really bad, emo, whatever. but the sad thing is i pretty much believe it.