(no subject)
valentines day used to really get me down. in fact, last year i was actually very very sick on valentines day, which was almost nice because i could think about how sick i felt instead of "boohoo i dont have a valentine". the more i thought about it, i was seeing joe o'neill at the time (who, by the way, i stopped by and said hello to yesterday...how do you like THEM apples?). he was in albany last valentines day - he called me though, i remember that much. he didnt remember it though, which is of no surprise to me, or to anyone.
things are pretty good with me - i havent been in this good of a mood for no reason in...well...maybe ever. meh - whatevs - i have my days (or hours or however you want to see it). there's a lot i want, and suddenly i'm being semi-patient. however, i know this isnt something i'll eventually get - which totally sucks balls - but it teaches me to fall for someone considerably older than me. why is it what i want isnt a what...its a who? (i dont know if that made sense) i guess that's not really true though - there are other things i want, that i wish i could have, wish i could do. i dont know why i dont concentrate on those as much as i do the "who" part of my life. is it wrong to be in constant desire of love and affection? i dont know, if it is wrong then i suppose i'm just about always wrong. it's strange, i see a counselor here at school, and i feel as though the only things i have to talk to her about are guys. this woman must think i'm a real slut - and hey, maybe i am...but the fact of the matter is she has to hear all of my 'stories' all in a 45 min session. that's cramming two years worth of boy-issues into a very small slot of time. and, by the way, i dont really see why i cant be ther for a full hour. i mean, i'm usually in the middle of something when she says "well, our time is up for today.." i suppose that's what happens when you're not paying her jack shit. meh, in any event, she doesnt really do much other than listen to me talk - i dont know how much she really helps me. i'm starting to think more about the decisions i make, and the things i do. i dont really think it's helping much. instead of feeling bad about something, i feel bad about the lack of something. i dont think this is making sense if youre not in my head....which i dont think you are...but i could ALWAYS be wrong
listen to this song...its good...if you want to see the most beautiful dance to it, let me know, i have one (and its not me dancing it, dont worry)
things are pretty good with me - i havent been in this good of a mood for no reason in...well...maybe ever. meh - whatevs - i have my days (or hours or however you want to see it). there's a lot i want, and suddenly i'm being semi-patient. however, i know this isnt something i'll eventually get - which totally sucks balls - but it teaches me to fall for someone considerably older than me. why is it what i want isnt a what...its a who? (i dont know if that made sense) i guess that's not really true though - there are other things i want, that i wish i could have, wish i could do. i dont know why i dont concentrate on those as much as i do the "who" part of my life. is it wrong to be in constant desire of love and affection? i dont know, if it is wrong then i suppose i'm just about always wrong. it's strange, i see a counselor here at school, and i feel as though the only things i have to talk to her about are guys. this woman must think i'm a real slut - and hey, maybe i am...but the fact of the matter is she has to hear all of my 'stories' all in a 45 min session. that's cramming two years worth of boy-issues into a very small slot of time. and, by the way, i dont really see why i cant be ther for a full hour. i mean, i'm usually in the middle of something when she says "well, our time is up for today.." i suppose that's what happens when you're not paying her jack shit. meh, in any event, she doesnt really do much other than listen to me talk - i dont know how much she really helps me. i'm starting to think more about the decisions i make, and the things i do. i dont really think it's helping much. instead of feeling bad about something, i feel bad about the lack of something. i dont think this is making sense if youre not in my head....which i dont think you are...but i could ALWAYS be wrong
listen to this song...its good...if you want to see the most beautiful dance to it, let me know, i have one (and its not me dancing it, dont worry)