Look, we all make mistakes right?
Rightyo, so i read a dear friends live journal, Rachel to name a name. Then i re-read what i had written yesterday, and what i have to say is, um, crabby (plus some more profane words beside the point). But that is no excuse . . . or is it? Last night i was extremely EXTREMELY hurt. And you know how we all say things we dont mean when we are angry or hurt ( anger is always caused by another emotion), thats what i did. I know "sorry" wont do a thing. It wont. So, along with saying "sorry" i am going to re-do (?) my life . . . that sounds corny. What i MEAN is turn the leaf. But i think i need a new leaf, because i have turned this one too many times. But hey, thats what life is all about right? turning a leaf SO FLIPPIN' much you need a new one. We all change is part of life, something (that change) better then other parts. I think it's interesting, we all have flaws, we all have stress, we all have pain, and anger etc. etc. blah blah blah . . . and one little thing gets on us, we EXPLODE! Some cases, the person we care about the most. And we get mad, and we yell, and fight and hurt, and cry and all that. But, i think the reason behind all of that, is because we care about them so deeply that we know, ( little Rachel comes out of monica and speaks ) they will forgive us, and still care about us, and still be there. I have seen it time and time again. With passed experiences, its not who you are thinking of, i have done it. Forgive me, for i have sinned. With those awful, self centered, way-out-of line, words/thoughts i said, doesnt make the rainy day any sunnier, just ranier. So what can . . . will i do to control it, to change ( for the better ). i will watch the choices, i make, the words in my head. View the situation from a different stand point. Ok, so here i am whining and complaining, and blah blah, then turn, here is someone very dear to me, i care for them SOO EXTREMELY MUCH!!!!! Why, why do i think they are doing this? DUH MONICA!! WAKE UP AND SMELL THE . . . ( think of word . . . ) CAT VOMIT FROM NOT FEEDING YOUR CAT!!! Maybe, and i could be wrong its just my trying to understand, maybe they are doing it because they saw the stupid thing i did and are trying to say, "dude, monica. . . dumbass. what are you doing? stop thinking about yourself! look around! I am TRYING to help. BUT NO!! you are so . . . focused on ( insert word here ) that you are being hypocritical of yourself. Not looking through the words, of what i am trying to say." Ok, so this part " you are being hypocritical of yourself. Not looking through the words, of what i am trying to say." applies to what i am always trying to "get at." Anyways. Are you starting to see the picture? I mean . . . im trying. i have kind of "woken up" since, this afternoon, and i will be putting more positive, things in my life, to make me happier so i am not so, oh whats the word . . . so, "focused" on the past. Yes, i mean there can be the occasional times were i boo hoo here or whine whine there, but not every flippin' day of my life! All in all, its the side of me when i was in elementary school . . . that was with a mask ( . . . ? . . . ) but this time, theres nothing to hide. There is no mask.