WTF @ These Shows
I was just watching television with my mom. First up was a Discovery Health show called "Twins by Surprise." This is exactly what it sounds like. Moms who went into labor expecting one child, and end up with two popping out. Now, I won't even get into how horrifying this must be to have two kids when you're expecting one. That is just... a given.
I wanted to tell you a little about one of the couples that was on the show. They were a family of 5, so they already had THREE children. First, why have more than this? Why EXPAND YOUR BROOD? 3 is more than enough, methinks. Having more than that makes me want to vomit in the first place. But let's get to the good stuff.
She decided she was going to have a self-assisted home birth. That means she's giving birth at home, with NO doctor/midwife/doula/anyone who is qualified to do so. Her reasoning behind this was that she didn't know if she could AFFORD a midwife. Great. That's fucking splendid. You are having another kid but you don't know if you can afford a person to safely deliver it? Note: YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE HAVING ANOTHER KID THEN. Logical, I think.
Regardless, she was all up in her bathtub ready to give birth and the baby comes out breech! For you non-child friendly folk, that means that the feet were coming out first instead of the head, which poses a gigantic suffocation risk. So here she is, in her bathroom, delivering a baby breech all by herself no where near a freaking hospital, and then before you know it... a second one comes out.
I can't even make this shit up. She had twins, BOTH WERE BREECHED, and she did them at home. One might say that is a miracle, which it might be, but I can't help but thinking it is completely and totally unforgivably retarded to do so. What the shit are you thinking having another kid at this point, let alone the fact that you aren't a qualified obstetrician, wanting to do it in your own bath tub!? NO WHERE NEAR A HOSPITAL? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!
If that wasn't enough, the next show was even better. So better that I had to stop watching it 15 minutes in. This gem was called "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant." Now, I've heard of women giving birth after never having known they were pregnant but I didn't realize it was common enough to have an entire damn television show dedicated to it. How you go 9 months without realizing there's a frickin' kid inside you is... astonishing.
The worst part were the dramatic reenactments of these births which involved blood and yuck and umbilical cords. I don't know if you've ever seen an umbilical cord, but it's pretty much the most disgusting thing ever. No exaggeration. So, here I am recovering from being traumatized from fake-birth scenes and I realize one thing - that shit's disgusting and I'm ripping out my ovaries immediately. I reckon I'll opt for the less gross, more environmentally friendly version: adoption.
I wanted to tell you a little about one of the couples that was on the show. They were a family of 5, so they already had THREE children. First, why have more than this? Why EXPAND YOUR BROOD? 3 is more than enough, methinks. Having more than that makes me want to vomit in the first place. But let's get to the good stuff.
She decided she was going to have a self-assisted home birth. That means she's giving birth at home, with NO doctor/midwife/doula/anyone who is qualified to do so. Her reasoning behind this was that she didn't know if she could AFFORD a midwife. Great. That's fucking splendid. You are having another kid but you don't know if you can afford a person to safely deliver it? Note: YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE HAVING ANOTHER KID THEN. Logical, I think.
Regardless, she was all up in her bathtub ready to give birth and the baby comes out breech! For you non-child friendly folk, that means that the feet were coming out first instead of the head, which poses a gigantic suffocation risk. So here she is, in her bathroom, delivering a baby breech all by herself no where near a freaking hospital, and then before you know it... a second one comes out.
I can't even make this shit up. She had twins, BOTH WERE BREECHED, and she did them at home. One might say that is a miracle, which it might be, but I can't help but thinking it is completely and totally unforgivably retarded to do so. What the shit are you thinking having another kid at this point, let alone the fact that you aren't a qualified obstetrician, wanting to do it in your own bath tub!? NO WHERE NEAR A HOSPITAL? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!
If that wasn't enough, the next show was even better. So better that I had to stop watching it 15 minutes in. This gem was called "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant." Now, I've heard of women giving birth after never having known they were pregnant but I didn't realize it was common enough to have an entire damn television show dedicated to it. How you go 9 months without realizing there's a frickin' kid inside you is... astonishing.
The worst part were the dramatic reenactments of these births which involved blood and yuck and umbilical cords. I don't know if you've ever seen an umbilical cord, but it's pretty much the most disgusting thing ever. No exaggeration. So, here I am recovering from being traumatized from fake-birth scenes and I realize one thing - that shit's disgusting and I'm ripping out my ovaries immediately. I reckon I'll opt for the less gross, more environmentally friendly version: adoption.