(no subject)

[crazybrunette13]

i'm very confused right now...it's like, i'm not as depressed as i have been lately, but being this deep in thought is worse...i feel like a waste of life, and no matter what anyone says its not going to make me feel any better about myself. my parents notice me come and go, and they sometimes talk to me. my mom likes to yell at me and confront me about a lot of things. i feel like i'm being watched, everywhere i go. its like whenever i do something right absolutely no one cares, but when something bad happens, or i do something wrong, i'm swarmed like a pack of locusts. i'm worrying myself to death about monday (counselor). i don't know what they're gonna ask me or say, and if i say the wrong thing they're gonna like...put me in a locked padded room. oh well. i'm just gonna set that aside and try not to think about it. i'm so scared...worried to the point of actually being scared, i mean...i want to go, i want to talk to someone, i want to find out about certain things, but it really freaks me out. i wish my brothers were here...i could use a hug from one of them. they know what its like dealing with my parents, only its worse for me because i don't have a sister or brother me own age, i just have to deal with it all myself. everyone thinks my parents are great, just because they put on an act for everyone else. they act all nice and sweet to all my friends, no one sees how they act around me...only jami knows...and yeah...one of my relatives or someone i don't want to know is probably reading about this right now, and is reporting to my mother as we speak. certain relatives should pay attention to their own SIX military-style kids and leave me and my fucking red hair and gauged ears alone. you know what i hope one of my relatives is reading this so they can fucking take a hint and go blow themselves. my mom treats me like a disease that she cant get rid of, and tells me to be nicer to her and stuff, and when i say something like "how about you think about the golden rule" or something like that she gets all mad at me and goes into this big speach about how she is nice to me and i'm her favorite kid (*cough* bull shit *cough*) and blah blah blah. you get it...ugh...jesus stop talking katie. ok i'm done..

-Kathleen

P.S. meaghan campbell really isn't a bad person, i mean i used to ya know not like her all that much (never hate) just like...i dunno, and i feel really bad that her grandfather died and i barely know her, but i let my paranoia get the best of me, and i need to learn to calm down as you can see by this entry...i'm just releasing some pent up anger/fears in this entry and you probably shouldn't take it seriously. thanks for paying attention. god i really shouldn't write in my journal when i'm like this...argh bye