(no subject)
hey everyone.
i'm back from camp and updating once more. its weird, most of camp, i was happy, there were many many downpoints, but compared to being home i would say it was....hmmm....refreshing? there was a picture on the slideshow of me on a horse in the lake, it was crazy. i met a lot of new people, and saw numerous familiar faces. and now i'm listening to seasons of love from the musical rent and for some reason its putting me in a good mood. i guess its because it reminds me of camp, and old friends. "525,600 minutes, 525,600 moments so dear, how do you measure, measure a year?" i don't really know what to write, people shouldn't be so worried about me, if i haven't done anything yet, what makes people think i'm gonna do something in the future. whatever. i'm kinda awed about the people that actually care. i guess i kinda lost sight about all that, stuck in my dark little hole, unable to see any kind of light, then i went to camp and the LIT leader person (butter aka adam) made some cheesy speech about how there's always someone there to catch you when you fall, and it stuck with me even now, i kept thinking about bill, it was so cheesy, but i like, almost cried just because of a speech. i'm starting to think that my 'couselor' isn't going to be able to do anything for me, i mayhave to figure out how to help myself. oh well. i don't know, i have a real bad headache right now, i don't think i'm making any sort of sense. what i do know is i had to leave camp early, i got like tackled by the boy cabin, it made me laugh, those guys are great. i'm gonna miss camp. i'm gonna miss my talks with jordan, or theodora teaching me swear words in greek, or dimitra talking about greek movies, and patricia talking about greece, and ireland while i like drool. lol. i loved hearing about ireland, she didn't like it there but from the sounds of it, it was amazing. ken and his stupid moments, *cough* getting stuck in a tree *cough*, ben and his silent writing, and corny jokes. brandon, just being himself lol, he's so hard to describe. chad's determination, and ethan just being silent, but very talkative once you bring up something interesting. danielle, i could talk to her about everything, and educating her about uhh....things lol. no one believed that i was accident prone at the beginning of camp, boy did i prove them wrong. uhh i ran into a tree branch, ripped open my hand, and cutting open my baby toe. to sum up the major injuries. anyways i had to leave camp early for a wedding of my cousins. it just made me think that my brother is getting married, and i was like gonna cry. me and my brother chris danced together at the reception, we pretty much taught ourselves how to dance, it was funny trying. he left today :-(. mike and wendy left on sunday. green day is looming off in the distance, and ever nearing. which means the same goes for my birthday, hmmm...i'm thinking of having a get-together for my birthday on august 12th. coincidentally 3 days before my arizona trip. now i'm off to type in my more private of journals. which no one can read...muhahaha
-kat
p.s. i got a lovely welcome home attack from people lol. thanks guys.
the drinking song (the end of it..that reminds me of bill)
Til the end, he passed out on the
Sundeck that morning
Quietly saying goodbye
But I was so hammered I sputtered and stammered
Told him he couldn't just die
He was a rock
Went straight for his own armegeddon
Face froze in a grin
Ambulance flying in, I never drank again
Can't really call that a loss or a win
And the band played on
As the helicopters whirred.
Drunk on the lawn in a nuclear dawn,
My senses finally blurred..
my dad told me he can't listen to that song anymore, and i thought back to a month ago when that was his favorite song. my mom and brother didn't understand, we got out of the car at my grandma's and i just sat there and cried, cuz they sang that part of the song the loudest in the car on the way there. my dad came over and hugged me for a really long time. i felt bad about crying about bill in front of my dad, but he knows exactly how i feel. most of my entries have been about bill lately haven't they? its so hard to think about that i can't remember what i've said and what i haven't. let me just tell you that they made him look like a mannequin at the funeral. it was unreal. today was the one month anniversary of his death. its been a month already and i still can't stop thinking about this. i just can't believe it. in about 12 hours would be when i found out.i remember my mom telling me like it was yesterday. i probably shouldn't go that far into detail though. i doubt anyone wants to hear it. so i leave you with this
"irene goodnight, goodnight irene goodnight irene, i'll see you...in my dreams.... oh to dream"
i'm back from camp and updating once more. its weird, most of camp, i was happy, there were many many downpoints, but compared to being home i would say it was....hmmm....refreshing? there was a picture on the slideshow of me on a horse in the lake, it was crazy. i met a lot of new people, and saw numerous familiar faces. and now i'm listening to seasons of love from the musical rent and for some reason its putting me in a good mood. i guess its because it reminds me of camp, and old friends. "525,600 minutes, 525,600 moments so dear, how do you measure, measure a year?" i don't really know what to write, people shouldn't be so worried about me, if i haven't done anything yet, what makes people think i'm gonna do something in the future. whatever. i'm kinda awed about the people that actually care. i guess i kinda lost sight about all that, stuck in my dark little hole, unable to see any kind of light, then i went to camp and the LIT leader person (butter aka adam) made some cheesy speech about how there's always someone there to catch you when you fall, and it stuck with me even now, i kept thinking about bill, it was so cheesy, but i like, almost cried just because of a speech. i'm starting to think that my 'couselor' isn't going to be able to do anything for me, i mayhave to figure out how to help myself. oh well. i don't know, i have a real bad headache right now, i don't think i'm making any sort of sense. what i do know is i had to leave camp early, i got like tackled by the boy cabin, it made me laugh, those guys are great. i'm gonna miss camp. i'm gonna miss my talks with jordan, or theodora teaching me swear words in greek, or dimitra talking about greek movies, and patricia talking about greece, and ireland while i like drool. lol. i loved hearing about ireland, she didn't like it there but from the sounds of it, it was amazing. ken and his stupid moments, *cough* getting stuck in a tree *cough*, ben and his silent writing, and corny jokes. brandon, just being himself lol, he's so hard to describe. chad's determination, and ethan just being silent, but very talkative once you bring up something interesting. danielle, i could talk to her about everything, and educating her about uhh....things lol. no one believed that i was accident prone at the beginning of camp, boy did i prove them wrong. uhh i ran into a tree branch, ripped open my hand, and cutting open my baby toe. to sum up the major injuries. anyways i had to leave camp early for a wedding of my cousins. it just made me think that my brother is getting married, and i was like gonna cry. me and my brother chris danced together at the reception, we pretty much taught ourselves how to dance, it was funny trying. he left today :-(. mike and wendy left on sunday. green day is looming off in the distance, and ever nearing. which means the same goes for my birthday, hmmm...i'm thinking of having a get-together for my birthday on august 12th. coincidentally 3 days before my arizona trip. now i'm off to type in my more private of journals. which no one can read...muhahaha
-kat
p.s. i got a lovely welcome home attack from people lol. thanks guys.
the drinking song (the end of it..that reminds me of bill)
Til the end, he passed out on the
Sundeck that morning
Quietly saying goodbye
But I was so hammered I sputtered and stammered
Told him he couldn't just die
He was a rock
Went straight for his own armegeddon
Face froze in a grin
Ambulance flying in, I never drank again
Can't really call that a loss or a win
And the band played on
As the helicopters whirred.
Drunk on the lawn in a nuclear dawn,
My senses finally blurred..
my dad told me he can't listen to that song anymore, and i thought back to a month ago when that was his favorite song. my mom and brother didn't understand, we got out of the car at my grandma's and i just sat there and cried, cuz they sang that part of the song the loudest in the car on the way there. my dad came over and hugged me for a really long time. i felt bad about crying about bill in front of my dad, but he knows exactly how i feel. most of my entries have been about bill lately haven't they? its so hard to think about that i can't remember what i've said and what i haven't. let me just tell you that they made him look like a mannequin at the funeral. it was unreal. today was the one month anniversary of his death. its been a month already and i still can't stop thinking about this. i just can't believe it. in about 12 hours would be when i found out.i remember my mom telling me like it was yesterday. i probably shouldn't go that far into detail though. i doubt anyone wants to hear it. so i leave you with this
"irene goodnight, goodnight irene goodnight irene, i'll see you...in my dreams.... oh to dream"