Days go By
It is nearly May now and I still have not gotten any better than I was in January. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be well enough to return to a normal schedule again. I've seen doctor after doctor, but the one place I need to be getting help is the pain clinic or anywhere else that specializes in chronic pain. I get so annoyed and saddened sometimes when everyone is hustling and bustling, doing as they wish; living their lives to the fullest and they are able to do whatever they want. I sit in my room, rather I lie in my room suffering this battle against pain. I have come close to giving up, but I could never do that in the end. There is always that last string of hope that tings will get better. I must hold onto that or I will perish and nothing that I have done in my life will be right or worthy. I finally have an appointment with the pain clinic in a few days on May 2nd. I pray that it goes well and that they are able to help me overcome this horrific obstacle that has kept me in bed for months, unable to do the things I love or even the things I didn't love as much, but were part of my every day life. I want to live again, as I don't feel there has been much quality to my life as of lately, as of this year of 2007. They have told me I will probably try massage therapy, acupuncture, and any other therapy that may help to relieve the pain. Of course I continue to take the pain medications and it is a possibility that they chage them and they better suit me, at least for a little while. I have planned to go to the Guide Dog School in Boring, Oregon for along time now. I have been scheduled to go in June. I thought that for sure I would be better by June. But, as we enter the month of May, that only leaves a month for the doctors and therapists to heal me enough to go there. Possibly I could continue with therapy while I am there. That is still to be discussed. I will know more this coming week about whether or not I will sptill be able to attend or if I need to set the date back until I am well enough. I continue to pray, to write to my love, and to talk with my family about the obstacles which I am facing. One day, I hope very soon, I will have some relief and will be able to do things that I once thought just a aprt of life that is required...that I be able to do these things with grace and determination, without suffering the way I do now. For now, I must retreat to my room to take more medication and rest for the night. Tomorrow, I shall wake and return to battle until it is nighttime again.