(no subject)
I think I get so crazy and into relationships that I see the end to. I avoid relationships that don't have a secure ending, that could last. Those interuption-free safe relationships seem so boring & passionless to me. Temporary works. It's a quick fix, and sometimes a tiny heart break... but you can always look at your calendar & realize it was short but sweet. Look at summer flings..... look this past summer & even two summers back. The thrill of the end, the thrill of the possible long distance, the hurt, those emotions that remind you what you're really capable of feeling. Afterall, I dated Dave, fell in love with him full heartedly knowing he was going to Italy. I know I'm going back to school alone, single. So why am I getting into this mess?
Hmm, my psycho-analysis says I'm afraid of commitment & knowing the relationship will come to an end is perfect ... I don't have to worry about ending it myself, because it'll work itself out.
Anyway, Dave & I made peace. I'm happy for him, and I miss him. And I don't know if I still love him or what and I don't think I'll say it in my head even if I do. He's miles away. It's 8 am in Florence. It felt good to say goodbye. It felt good to say "There's no reason to be sorry." It felt good to hear he's well...... even though it sounded stressed & nervous & maybe uncomfortable. And wish him a great semester. And be safe. I felt grown up, like we were being mature for the first time in a really long time. No stupid IMs... no confusing text messages or strange looks, or lack of. Sometimes all you need is a simple phone call, a grown up goodbye. And maybe someday down the line I'll consider him a true friend. Maybe not, either way... there's peace there.
Anyway... I'm gonna go to bed.
Hmm, my psycho-analysis says I'm afraid of commitment & knowing the relationship will come to an end is perfect ... I don't have to worry about ending it myself, because it'll work itself out.
Anyway, Dave & I made peace. I'm happy for him, and I miss him. And I don't know if I still love him or what and I don't think I'll say it in my head even if I do. He's miles away. It's 8 am in Florence. It felt good to say goodbye. It felt good to say "There's no reason to be sorry." It felt good to hear he's well...... even though it sounded stressed & nervous & maybe uncomfortable. And wish him a great semester. And be safe. I felt grown up, like we were being mature for the first time in a really long time. No stupid IMs... no confusing text messages or strange looks, or lack of. Sometimes all you need is a simple phone call, a grown up goodbye. And maybe someday down the line I'll consider him a true friend. Maybe not, either way... there's peace there.
Anyway... I'm gonna go to bed.