(no subject)
im fucking pissed and i just wrote a whole friggen entry and it got deleted.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok well im going to try to rewrite it kinda.. i really should be sleeping because i have to wake up at 5 again... anyways i decided to write in here to vent because im really really really angry right now and i need to take out anger on something. so what better place than a livejournal? i mean, come on, everyone wants some attention right? thats what this thing is for anyway.. you write how you feel, good or bad, and then ppl either say "yeah that's really fuckin great" or... "oh.. shit i fuckin feel bad for you." one or the other, you're still getting attention.
well i dont want people to feel bad for me or anything. i dont like too much attention and i just want my anger to go away.
well. as you may or may not know, i wake up at 5 every morning to drive 30 min to coventry to babysit these 2 girls... then drive 50 min back the other way past warwick again and up to lincoln for school... then drive 20 min back home after the day is over... that's 100 fucking minutes a day i am driving...biggest waste of everything that ive ever done so im just going to tell the lady to screw and find someone else to pack her kids lunch and do their hair in the morning.
besides that and being extremely tired all the time...
i had a bad practice... i couldnt do this flippy twisty stunt that i have been doing for a while now.. and i just couldnt do it tonight. of course, another person stepped in to base me becuase my usual base wasnt there.. of course... and sure enough.. she got kicked off the team and now im back to having to switch bases around. once i get used to doing something on certain people I DONT WANT TO SWITCH. so my practice sucked.
today was fun. i went to boston with mike and his dad. we went to look at colleges in boston.. (BC and MIT)
although i did have a really great time, it made me think that I'm never going to have that college life experience because im stuck at shitty CCRI.
what made me agree to not apply at any other colleges out of high school???
my dad said "go to CCRI first.. save money bla bla bla"
so i did. and i hate it. every part of it.
now i tell my dad, ok its time for me to switch to a 4 year REAL college and hes like.. no its too expensive, you're either going to CCRI, NEIT, or Gibbs... all fucking 2 year colleges.
I dont want that.
I dont want a stupid college life
I want a real college life.
like everyone else I know.
my friends and other parents brag about how fun college is/was. "it was the best years of my life..."
and my dad just doesnt fucking understand because he never went to college.
im sorry but you didnt need to go to college back then to succeed... now you do.. and you need like a masters or phd to make any kind of money to live comfortably.
well i guess i'm never going to experience that.
i guess i'm never going to share a dorm with anyone.
i guess im never going to be a part of a sorority
i guess im never going to be a part of a college cheerleading team and actually get a scholarship for what i love to do.
im just going to be sitting in a desk, surrounded by the concrete walls of CCRI for the rest of my college life...
my degree is going to be from CCRI and im not going to get the jobs i want because people that went to 4 year colleges are going to be accepted first.
i had it all planned out too.
i wanted to go to a 4 year college and become a Certified Nurse Anesthestist
i was either going to succeed one way or the other.
by going to a real college.. or join the air force.
i dont know if i want to join the air force now though. ill wait till things calm down overseas.
but i still want a college life.
i also hate CCRI because i live at home.. which means i actually have to pay for everything. if i lived on campus in a dorm, i could just get a stupid little work/study job that didnt take up all of my time.. and still pay for shit and go to school.. because i obviously wouldnt be doing cheerleading and have it cost around $2,000 to cheer a year. and yes, it really is that expensive.
i wish i didnt love it as much as i did or i would have quit a long time ago..
i wish they had scholarships for cheerleading at rhody. id need one.
well.. fuck it. im going to bed ive had enough of being mad. its time to sleep and wake up.
goodnight.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok well im going to try to rewrite it kinda.. i really should be sleeping because i have to wake up at 5 again... anyways i decided to write in here to vent because im really really really angry right now and i need to take out anger on something. so what better place than a livejournal? i mean, come on, everyone wants some attention right? thats what this thing is for anyway.. you write how you feel, good or bad, and then ppl either say "yeah that's really fuckin great" or... "oh.. shit i fuckin feel bad for you." one or the other, you're still getting attention.
well i dont want people to feel bad for me or anything. i dont like too much attention and i just want my anger to go away.
well. as you may or may not know, i wake up at 5 every morning to drive 30 min to coventry to babysit these 2 girls... then drive 50 min back the other way past warwick again and up to lincoln for school... then drive 20 min back home after the day is over... that's 100 fucking minutes a day i am driving...biggest waste of everything that ive ever done so im just going to tell the lady to screw and find someone else to pack her kids lunch and do their hair in the morning.
besides that and being extremely tired all the time...
i had a bad practice... i couldnt do this flippy twisty stunt that i have been doing for a while now.. and i just couldnt do it tonight. of course, another person stepped in to base me becuase my usual base wasnt there.. of course... and sure enough.. she got kicked off the team and now im back to having to switch bases around. once i get used to doing something on certain people I DONT WANT TO SWITCH. so my practice sucked.
today was fun. i went to boston with mike and his dad. we went to look at colleges in boston.. (BC and MIT)
although i did have a really great time, it made me think that I'm never going to have that college life experience because im stuck at shitty CCRI.
what made me agree to not apply at any other colleges out of high school???
my dad said "go to CCRI first.. save money bla bla bla"
so i did. and i hate it. every part of it.
now i tell my dad, ok its time for me to switch to a 4 year REAL college and hes like.. no its too expensive, you're either going to CCRI, NEIT, or Gibbs... all fucking 2 year colleges.
I dont want that.
I dont want a stupid college life
I want a real college life.
like everyone else I know.
my friends and other parents brag about how fun college is/was. "it was the best years of my life..."
and my dad just doesnt fucking understand because he never went to college.
im sorry but you didnt need to go to college back then to succeed... now you do.. and you need like a masters or phd to make any kind of money to live comfortably.
well i guess i'm never going to experience that.
i guess i'm never going to share a dorm with anyone.
i guess im never going to be a part of a sorority
i guess im never going to be a part of a college cheerleading team and actually get a scholarship for what i love to do.
im just going to be sitting in a desk, surrounded by the concrete walls of CCRI for the rest of my college life...
my degree is going to be from CCRI and im not going to get the jobs i want because people that went to 4 year colleges are going to be accepted first.
i had it all planned out too.
i wanted to go to a 4 year college and become a Certified Nurse Anesthestist
i was either going to succeed one way or the other.
by going to a real college.. or join the air force.
i dont know if i want to join the air force now though. ill wait till things calm down overseas.
but i still want a college life.
i also hate CCRI because i live at home.. which means i actually have to pay for everything. if i lived on campus in a dorm, i could just get a stupid little work/study job that didnt take up all of my time.. and still pay for shit and go to school.. because i obviously wouldnt be doing cheerleading and have it cost around $2,000 to cheer a year. and yes, it really is that expensive.
i wish i didnt love it as much as i did or i would have quit a long time ago..
i wish they had scholarships for cheerleading at rhody. id need one.
well.. fuck it. im going to bed ive had enough of being mad. its time to sleep and wake up.
goodnight.