(no subject)
by: matt galenstein
i lol'd about fifty times. that's right, trabuco hills, shut up and grow up. i couldn't have summed it up better myself....really, read it. you'll be laughing too.
The Myspace Memoirs: Special "Trabuco Riot" Edition!
Current mood: amused
I have a few words to say about today's events and a bulletin that has been reposted today that can be found below. If you find any scrap of enjoyment out of what I have to say, I would be much obliged if you shared it, it would boost my fragile self-esteem.
For those confused individuals who thought that today was actually Senior Ditch Day and the few students who happen to hang out under rocks, there was a largely embarrassing event that occurred today that is already being dubbed "The Trabuco Riot!" I haven't seen people this excited over the word "Riot!" since 90% of the teenage population decided they did want to be faux-scenesters after all and jump on the Paramore bandwagon (a great day for contemporary pop-punk music). Apparently budding news anchor Shane Stocking jetted home the second all the shit hit the fan and posted a much-needed Myspace bulletin regarding the day's events (because nothing is true in the real world unless it is first validated on Myspace). How else would I ever remember what happened this fateful day if it was not encapsulated for eternity in a bulletin? What's that? My memory? Nahhh, that would never work. It took me about 10 minutes just to decode this bulletin from all its spelling and grammatical errors and wade through all the steaming bullshit in it, but I eventually persevered. After all, that was the Trabuco Word of the Month recently. First off, our kick-ass activist writer, Mr. Stocking, addresses the bulletin to the school officials, a completely understandable move because I know Mr. Rollins checks his Myspace daily and Mr. LeBlanc is a faithful reader of bulletins. C'mon now Shaney, if you were really looking for anything other than personal glory, you wouldn't have smarmily addressed it to the school administration when you know only your internet-savvy peers would be browsing around and looking at it. Way to fool probably 95% of the people who read your bulletin, but not me sir. No way, no how. For his first point, Shane's Incoherence Tally raises two points as the reader is mystified over the number of "n"s he decided to put in the word inappropriate and what time "ant 12:50" is. He gets the reader's blood stirring with LARGE, PASSIONATE, CAPITAL LETTERS. WHOAAA!!! CAPS LOCK IS GREAT!!! It sure got me pumped. Then, Shaney Longstockings follows up with another completely valid point: why would you school administrators just stand there for a grand total of one minute while a rather large mass of testosterone pumped teenagers are creaming and throwing objects? Especially when every student these days are equipped with camera-phones and completely permitted by law to take pictures of their administrators during school hours? I mean, I know Mr. Stocking would, without a shadow of a doubt, throw himself blindly into hostile environments without a single care of any possible risk or danger. I know I would, without a second's hesitation. I mean, I went dancing in the street during the 1992 Rodney King riots and I was only one year old. And I heard Shane's been to China and ran through the Tibet protests dressed as a Buddhist and holding a flaming sign that said, "Monk You!" In his third point, Shane felt it was necessary to misspell inappropriate again, silently cursing that Tom hasn't added a bulletin spell-check to Myspace yet for people like him. He vividly paints the injustice of today's situation, using big four letter words like "rash." He almost makes it seem for a second as if, before today, any of the Trabuco students ever actually took pride for their grade level. There was a split second there when he almost convinced me that around this time of year people don't stop and say, "Oh, should I be giving a shit about 'communal pride' and other concepts outside of my comprehension now that Battle of The Grade Levels is coming up." But then I realized that Trabuco and the rest of the world is still the same: the Earth still spins around the sun, gravity still exists, and Trabuco students are the most apathetic around (wooh wooh!). You know, I wasn't really able to grasp the main points of Shane's argument until he trendily turned "Battle of The Grade Levels" into the catchy and clever acronym of "BOTG." Finally, a format I can understand. I hadn't been that confused since my mother referred to MTV as Music Television last week. After countless hours of browsing through a thesaurus, Shane decided that ignited was a nice 7-letter word, therefore one that would inspire awe among the Trabuco population. To drive the sense of wonderment home, he went caps-happy again and man-oh-man was my blood pumping then. Around argument number four is when I got physically sick from the stench of the steaming pile of shit that this whole situation is. Shane portrays the 500 seniors that walked off as if they were saints marching with Gandhi on the Great Salt March. Hmmm, I wonder how many of those 500 were actually not the god-like angels of righteousness that Shane has described, but kids who merely wanted to get their asses out of classes. There's nothing like a little faux-activism to get the blood running! Which brings me to my next point: faux-activism. Every time today I saw a student's face lit up with the joy of "sticking it to the man" and notions of "Civil Disobedience" in their head, it made my want to crawl into a very dark hole and sob. Today I discovered that there is nothing more embarrassing than your peers thinking they are making a difference, with "We're Not Gonna Take It" blaring in their feeble-minded heads, and thinking they are doing a valiant deed merely because the administration and them are not on the same side. It made me want to find the nearest suspension bridge and jump off. Today was one of those days where my faith in humanity was kicked down just one more notch. Shane argues that "we are just too peaceful" as if our school is not a school at all, but a small petting zoo of domesticated children rather than a haven for people pumped with steroids, people searching for one second of glory, and people who tend to not think. Point 5: School officials overreacted to this situation, exclamation mark! (I tend to announce my punctuation prior to using it also). Shane Stocking argues that, "hey, a riot didn't break out after all, so like, give us some credit, ok?" I completely agree Shane, does the school administration forget that they had to taser not a single student, that the S.W.A.T. team didn't have to be called in, and that they were not Molotov Cocktails, but water-bottles? Cut us some slack, meanies. We didn't burn down the school in a vicious riot, so we must be in the right. Around the second sentence of point number 6, I had to open my Manuscript of Gibberish Translations to figure out just exactly what Shane was try to communicate to the readers. Apparently he says that the school referred to the graffiti as "obscene," a harsh judgment seeing as it was only images of male genitalia that decorated the campus today. Once again, there was a saintly group of children who arrived last night to "clean up" the mess made by juniors, not trash-canning them in any way (hah! Yes, I'm talking about you, Josh Colorado). Thank god for the saintly senior class and their golden intentions, and damn those penis-drawing "bad apples." One bad apple ruins the whole bunch. Although, in this case, it might have something to do with the fact that these apples are sitting in a bucket of bullshit. Shane sensitively hopes for a "reasonable ant timely solution." I don't know about you, but I'm fine if you leave all insects out of it, Shane. There are many ways of resolving this problem, but introducing ants into the mix is not the solution. All in all, today disappointed me. When I initially ran over to see what was going down at snack, I was expecting a gladiator pit filled with one delegate from each class, pummeling each other to a bloody oblivion. Unfortunately, I was not doused in the blood of my classmates engaged in a carnal blood sport, but I was doused with the regurgitated water of a few kids feebly throwing water bottles. Not even the whimsical and mood-lightening dancing of Landon Maslyn in the middle of the circle could raise my spirits. Sure, the school may have overreacted, but it really shouldn't have been much of a surprise when the announcement canceling the assembly came. Anyone with half a brain should have seen it coming. So tonight I'll go to my bed, embarrassed that we actually made the news in this safe suburban town, haunted by the fact that I didn't get to prove to the school that I could pass a mattress better than any Freshman, Sophomore, or Senior. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait until next year, when it will hopefully be Battle Of The Sexual Preferences. I'll be representing the Asexuals, and I hope to all see you there.
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i lol'd about fifty times. that's right, trabuco hills, shut up and grow up. i couldn't have summed it up better myself....really, read it. you'll be laughing too.
The Myspace Memoirs: Special "Trabuco Riot" Edition!
Current mood: amused
I have a few words to say about today's events and a bulletin that has been reposted today that can be found below. If you find any scrap of enjoyment out of what I have to say, I would be much obliged if you shared it, it would boost my fragile self-esteem.
For those confused individuals who thought that today was actually Senior Ditch Day and the few students who happen to hang out under rocks, there was a largely embarrassing event that occurred today that is already being dubbed "The Trabuco Riot!" I haven't seen people this excited over the word "Riot!" since 90% of the teenage population decided they did want to be faux-scenesters after all and jump on the Paramore bandwagon (a great day for contemporary pop-punk music). Apparently budding news anchor Shane Stocking jetted home the second all the shit hit the fan and posted a much-needed Myspace bulletin regarding the day's events (because nothing is true in the real world unless it is first validated on Myspace). How else would I ever remember what happened this fateful day if it was not encapsulated for eternity in a bulletin? What's that? My memory? Nahhh, that would never work. It took me about 10 minutes just to decode this bulletin from all its spelling and grammatical errors and wade through all the steaming bullshit in it, but I eventually persevered. After all, that was the Trabuco Word of the Month recently. First off, our kick-ass activist writer, Mr. Stocking, addresses the bulletin to the school officials, a completely understandable move because I know Mr. Rollins checks his Myspace daily and Mr. LeBlanc is a faithful reader of bulletins. C'mon now Shaney, if you were really looking for anything other than personal glory, you wouldn't have smarmily addressed it to the school administration when you know only your internet-savvy peers would be browsing around and looking at it. Way to fool probably 95% of the people who read your bulletin, but not me sir. No way, no how. For his first point, Shane's Incoherence Tally raises two points as the reader is mystified over the number of "n"s he decided to put in the word inappropriate and what time "ant 12:50" is. He gets the reader's blood stirring with LARGE, PASSIONATE, CAPITAL LETTERS. WHOAAA!!! CAPS LOCK IS GREAT!!! It sure got me pumped. Then, Shaney Longstockings follows up with another completely valid point: why would you school administrators just stand there for a grand total of one minute while a rather large mass of testosterone pumped teenagers are creaming and throwing objects? Especially when every student these days are equipped with camera-phones and completely permitted by law to take pictures of their administrators during school hours? I mean, I know Mr. Stocking would, without a shadow of a doubt, throw himself blindly into hostile environments without a single care of any possible risk or danger. I know I would, without a second's hesitation. I mean, I went dancing in the street during the 1992 Rodney King riots and I was only one year old. And I heard Shane's been to China and ran through the Tibet protests dressed as a Buddhist and holding a flaming sign that said, "Monk You!" In his third point, Shane felt it was necessary to misspell inappropriate again, silently cursing that Tom hasn't added a bulletin spell-check to Myspace yet for people like him. He vividly paints the injustice of today's situation, using big four letter words like "rash." He almost makes it seem for a second as if, before today, any of the Trabuco students ever actually took pride for their grade level. There was a split second there when he almost convinced me that around this time of year people don't stop and say, "Oh, should I be giving a shit about 'communal pride' and other concepts outside of my comprehension now that Battle of The Grade Levels is coming up." But then I realized that Trabuco and the rest of the world is still the same: the Earth still spins around the sun, gravity still exists, and Trabuco students are the most apathetic around (wooh wooh!). You know, I wasn't really able to grasp the main points of Shane's argument until he trendily turned "Battle of The Grade Levels" into the catchy and clever acronym of "BOTG." Finally, a format I can understand. I hadn't been that confused since my mother referred to MTV as Music Television last week. After countless hours of browsing through a thesaurus, Shane decided that ignited was a nice 7-letter word, therefore one that would inspire awe among the Trabuco population. To drive the sense of wonderment home, he went caps-happy again and man-oh-man was my blood pumping then. Around argument number four is when I got physically sick from the stench of the steaming pile of shit that this whole situation is. Shane portrays the 500 seniors that walked off as if they were saints marching with Gandhi on the Great Salt March. Hmmm, I wonder how many of those 500 were actually not the god-like angels of righteousness that Shane has described, but kids who merely wanted to get their asses out of classes. There's nothing like a little faux-activism to get the blood running! Which brings me to my next point: faux-activism. Every time today I saw a student's face lit up with the joy of "sticking it to the man" and notions of "Civil Disobedience" in their head, it made my want to crawl into a very dark hole and sob. Today I discovered that there is nothing more embarrassing than your peers thinking they are making a difference, with "We're Not Gonna Take It" blaring in their feeble-minded heads, and thinking they are doing a valiant deed merely because the administration and them are not on the same side. It made me want to find the nearest suspension bridge and jump off. Today was one of those days where my faith in humanity was kicked down just one more notch. Shane argues that "we are just too peaceful" as if our school is not a school at all, but a small petting zoo of domesticated children rather than a haven for people pumped with steroids, people searching for one second of glory, and people who tend to not think. Point 5: School officials overreacted to this situation, exclamation mark! (I tend to announce my punctuation prior to using it also). Shane Stocking argues that, "hey, a riot didn't break out after all, so like, give us some credit, ok?" I completely agree Shane, does the school administration forget that they had to taser not a single student, that the S.W.A.T. team didn't have to be called in, and that they were not Molotov Cocktails, but water-bottles? Cut us some slack, meanies. We didn't burn down the school in a vicious riot, so we must be in the right. Around the second sentence of point number 6, I had to open my Manuscript of Gibberish Translations to figure out just exactly what Shane was try to communicate to the readers. Apparently he says that the school referred to the graffiti as "obscene," a harsh judgment seeing as it was only images of male genitalia that decorated the campus today. Once again, there was a saintly group of children who arrived last night to "clean up" the mess made by juniors, not trash-canning them in any way (hah! Yes, I'm talking about you, Josh Colorado). Thank god for the saintly senior class and their golden intentions, and damn those penis-drawing "bad apples." One bad apple ruins the whole bunch. Although, in this case, it might have something to do with the fact that these apples are sitting in a bucket of bullshit. Shane sensitively hopes for a "reasonable ant timely solution." I don't know about you, but I'm fine if you leave all insects out of it, Shane. There are many ways of resolving this problem, but introducing ants into the mix is not the solution. All in all, today disappointed me. When I initially ran over to see what was going down at snack, I was expecting a gladiator pit filled with one delegate from each class, pummeling each other to a bloody oblivion. Unfortunately, I was not doused in the blood of my classmates engaged in a carnal blood sport, but I was doused with the regurgitated water of a few kids feebly throwing water bottles. Not even the whimsical and mood-lightening dancing of Landon Maslyn in the middle of the circle could raise my spirits. Sure, the school may have overreacted, but it really shouldn't have been much of a surprise when the announcement canceling the assembly came. Anyone with half a brain should have seen it coming. So tonight I'll go to my bed, embarrassed that we actually made the news in this safe suburban town, haunted by the fact that I didn't get to prove to the school that I could pass a mattress better than any Freshman, Sophomore, or Senior. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait until next year, when it will hopefully be Battle Of The Sexual Preferences. I'll be representing the Asexuals, and I hope to all see you there.
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