I stepped in poo....
Alright, I called in to a radio show for a chance to win a trip to LA and a day at stuntman school. I really couldn't care less about going to LA but think stuntman school would be the shit. All i had to do was jump into some elephant poo. It seemed that the lovable pachyderm at the Phoenix zoo was having a slight bowel problem and could not relieve himself. Enimas were given and the elephant finally did its business, although it was 2 days later than everyone was planning on. It seems that the big guy was supposed to go on tuesday and when he didin't the radio station made a contest that involved the crap hitting the ground on wednesday.
At about noon on wednesday I got a call from Bob at the station and he asked if i could make it to the zoo on thursday because the poor thing was still all plugged up. That had to be the strangest phonecall ever. I was working when the call came in and one of the women i work with overheard my part of the conversation. She asked what I was talking about and i told her that the elephant hadn't pooped yet and I wouldn't be jumping in the poo until Thursday. She got a kick out of the whole deal because she and her husband had been talking about the idiots that were calling the radio station to get a chance to jump in a big pile o'poop. I was one of those idiots. But still, it's not everyday you get a phonecall informing you of the bowel movements of an elephant.
So, i get the call telling me that the elephant did it's business and i need to be at the zoo at 4:30. I left work early, went home and got Susy and put on some crappy (get it, crappy?) clothes. We got to the zoo and were escorted to a very large pile of poop. I don't think i have had that much poop come out of me in my entire life. It was a pile about two and a half feet wide and about 15 feet long. There were nuggets in it that were almost as big as my head. The zoo people had attitudes that varied from slightly amused to almost pissy about having to watch four idiots jump into this crap. The one lady who had the worst attitude eventually picked up a shovel and started breaking the stuff apart so we could have the pleasure of the juicy centers as well as the spongy outer shell. I jumped first and came within about two feet of clearing the entire pile. The guy that jumped after me didn't even come close, but he did a beautiful face first fall into the poo. The third and final contestant outjumped me by about six inches, but, unlike me he fell on his ass when he landed. He may have won the trip but at least i didn't fall in a big pile of elephant shit.
We got everything done and since everyone seemed to get along pretty well we decided to go grab a drink at a bar that wasn't too far from the zoo. I thought my day couldn't get much better until we walked on to the patio of the bar and there, right before my eyes, was a midget drinking a beer. It took all of my self control to not run up to him and start swinging him around by his ankles. Midgets are way cool, I wish I had one. I would dress him up like a ninja and let him sneak around the house doing all sorts of ninja stuff, and then, when i tired of this I would chase him around with a nerf bat. That would be the coolest thing ever.
So yeah, I got to jump into a big pile of elephant poo and didn't win the trip, but, hey, i got to see a midget and that was awesome.
For pictures, go here xxrosencrantzxx
Later, Charlie