Hold My Hand 2/3
Rating: PG, I think.
Summary: Justin must do something, but he needs Brian’s help.
Disclaimer: These characters are not my own, and neither is any background plot about said characters etc. They belong to Russell T. Davis and Cowlip, and anybody associated with them, and I don’t want to infringe on their copy write….y’know, all that jazz.
Timeline: Pretty much any time you like after the bashing.
Genre: Angst, H/C, fluff, AR.
AN: Please comment! I'm so sorry for the delay.
Part two
The days that had followed Justin’s announcement were difficult. Brian had practically forced Justin to go back to the hospital to tell them that he would agree to the exam, and find out what preparation was needed. Brian had gone into the doctor’s office with Justin, to make sure that he didn’t back out.
And besides, Justin was very reluctant to speak to anyone, so Brian had to do most of the talking.
Justin had simply sat and stared at Brian with eyes that swirled with a kaleidoscope of hurt, anger, fear and betrayal.
And Brian had to repeat his mantra, simply to keep himself sane.
You have to be cruel to be kind.
***
“I don’t want to go.”
Brian sighed and closed the window on which he had been working, and rose from the computer, making his way towards Justin.
Brian had lost count how many times the boy had said this in the past three days.
He stopped just behind Justin, who was perched on the sofa, and he gently began to massage the boy’s shoulders.
“Brian, I don’t want to go,” Justin’s voice rose a little, as he became more determined to get his point across, as though Brian hadn’t understood.
“I know,” was all Brian said, continuing with Justin’s massage. “But you have to get into the shower now. No arguing.”
Justin paled, knowing that Brian was about to proceed with the final stage of the preparation needed for the colonoscopy.
They actually expect me to clean out my fucking colon?
Christ. This was beyond humiliating.
Brian bent down and kissed Justin’s forehead, sighing softly, thinking the same thoughts as Justin.
He ruffled the boy’s hair, and then lifted him up by his armpits.
“Go on,” he whispered gently. “I’ll be with you in a second. Get the shower warmed up.”
Justin nodded miserably, and trailed through to the shower slowly, as if delaying it would mean that the moment simply would not come to pass.
Meanwhile, Brian went into the bedroom to gather the supplies that the hospital had given them a few days ago; special drinks that had replaced all of Justin’s solid food intake for the past three days, strong laxatives that Justin had taken early that morning, and the one item that they had yet to use.
An enema.
Brian knew that Justin was definitely not looking forward to this part. When the doctors at the hospital had handed them the pack, explaining each item, Justin’s face had gone white when the enema had been explained.
Although the kid may be almost constantly horny, and more than a little kinky, he had never had any previous experience with enemas.
And he’s not likely to have any future ones after this, Brian thought sadly, thinking it a great waste of a horny, virile young man.
After a long while of just standing there and staring, Brian figured he ought not to make Justin wait - that would just give him time to panic.
So he made his way to the bathroom, the shower having been going for several minutes now.
He could see Justin’s form inside the clouded shower, and he could tell that the boy’s head was bowed, and he sighed.
Justin jumped a little when he felt Brian come up behind him.
“Ssh, it’s okay,” Brian whispered. “Just relax.”
And with that, Brian eased his hands onto Justin’s shoulders, simply rubbing gently, until he felt the other man’s muscles release from what must have been a painful tenseness, bordering on cramp.
Brian eased his way down Justin’s body, massaging the tense knots out of all Justin’s muscles until he was completely relaxed.
He then slowly slid his hands onto the twin globes of Justin’s ample butt, again rubbing soothingly. He reached out for something with one hand, the other keeping up the circling.
He then leaned over to whisper into Justin’s ear, not wanting to do anything without making sure Justin knew what was going on.
“Ready?” he whispered.
Justin tensed slightly, but nodded none the less.
It wasn’t much, but it was all that Brian needed, and although he knew that this was harsh, it was all that he was going to wait for.
If he gave Justin any more time to think about it, the boy would panic and tense up. And the quicker this was over, the better.
So, without hesitation, Brian gently inserted the nozzle of the enema into Justin.
The blond hissed, and his whole body jerked, and he grabbed onto the glass of the shower wall. Brian winced.
“Ssh, it’s alright, you’re okay.” Brian assured Justin, holding completely still for a moment, running his large hands over Justin’s flank and back soothingly.
“It’s okay, I won’t hurt you. This will all be over in a minute, I promise.”
Justin whimpered and clenched his fists.
“Promise?” he whispered.
Brian smiled gently.
“Promise. Scouts honour.”
Justin smiled weakly, and braced himself for the remainder of the time.
The truth was that it didn’t actually hurt. It just felt so fucking strange. And so personal.
Brian kept up his soothing stroking all the while, holding still as soon as Justin tensed, taking the time to reassure him.
He finished as quickly as possible, then stepped out of the shower to help Justin to the toilet.
He then stepped back into the shower stall, and turned the flow of water up slightly to give Justin some privacy.
The blond stepped back in a moment later, with a very pensive look on his face that immediately had Brian worried. He didn’t want the boy to think about tomorrow too much. It would just get him unnecessarily worked up, and then he would throw a tantrum in the morning, and it would take Brian God knows how long to actually get Justin to the hospital.
So he quickly ushered Justin out of the shower and into bed, where he watched as the boy wrapped himself in his usual burrito of duvet.
Brian settled down next to him, and wrapped his arms around the burrito, whispering softly in its ear.
“Sleep. Don’t think about tomorrow. Everything will be fine, I’ll make sure of it.”
“Don’t leave,” Justin whispered, a request for Brian to watch over him until he slept.
He closed his eyes.
Although he had just told Justin to try to get some sleep, Brian could not follow his own advice.
Although he desperately wanted to just turn onto his side and fall asleep and forget about tomorrow, he found that he couldn’t. Because he knew that if he did that, Justin would just feel alone and scared, and would sit in the dark, worrying about tomorrow, not even trying to sleep.
And so Brian didn’t even try. He lay on his side, eyes wide open and watching Justin, making sure that he got to sleep, making the boy feel safe. He knew that the only way for the blond to drift off was to know that Brian was watching him until he did fall asleep; it reminded Brian slightly of Gus.
Daddy, stay until I fall asleep.
Don’t leave.
Vulnerable.
You have to be cruel to be kind.
***
Squeak of shoe on floor. Background babble. Hushed voices. Thoughtful voices. Phones ringing. Keyboards clicking. Papers sifting. Wheels rolling. Objects clanging. Bodies shifting. Distanced shouting.
Justin shifted on his plastic seat for the tenth time in a minute. Brian was counting.
He reached over and wrapped his arm around the boy’s shoulders.
“Were you hyperactive as a little kid?” Brian asked, partly to lighten the mood, partly out of genuine curiosity.
Justin glared at him. Brian just stared right on back.
“My mother might have mentioned something about it,” Justin grumbled, smiling a little.
Brian smiled and squeezed Justin slightly.
“Stop.” He told the boy. “If you act nervous, you get worked up. Don’t fidget.”
Justin grumbled some more.
“Yes, Freud,” he muttered, casting a nervous look around.
Brian simply sighed and leaned back in his chair.
Squeak of shoe on floor, background babble….
***
“Mr. Taylor?” a voice jolted Brian out of his daydream.
He looked up to see a youngish doctor looking at them enquiringly.
“I’m Justin Taylor,” Justin replied quietly, his face suddenly going very white as he stared up at the doctor suspiciously.
The doctor was obviously used to this kind of scrutiny, as his manner was very easy and open and reassuring.
“I’m Dr Warren, I’m the doctor who will be performing the procedure,” he informed them cheerfully subdued manner. “Would you like to just follow me?”
Brian stood up, but Justin stayed where he was. He was very pale and was beginning to breathe a little quickly.
“Come on Sunshine, the sooner we get this started, the sooner we can get out of here and forget all about it,” Brian coaxed quietly, crouching down to Justin’s level.
Justin looked at him dubiously, eyes flicking between Brian and the doctor.
Dr. Warren sighed slightly, though not in an impatient manner.
“Mr. Taylor, you don’t have to go through with this. It is in no way compulsory, and we cannot make you do anything.” He told Justin with a hint of sadness and weariness in his voice. “But I would highly recommend it. You have no idea how many lives we save by simply carrying out this procedure. And if everyone did it, that number would triple again. Please think carefully.”
Brian bit his lip, wanting desperately to say something, but managing to keep quiet so that he could give Justin a few minutes to just think for himself what he wanted to do.
But Justin seemed incapable of thinking past do I do this, or don’t I?
He couldn’t come up with anything other than that panicked question. He knew that there were other points he should consider. Hell, he had tormented himself over them during the lead up to this point. But now his mind had been wiped clean, and all he could do was feel panic wash over him as he thought in desperation, I don’t want to do this, but everyone is saying that I should. And I don’t want to get cancer.
But I don’t want to do this.
“Justin.” Brian called softly to the boy, bringing him out of his reverie.
The blond looked up at Brian with helpless eyes, telling him without words that he didn’t know what to do.
Brian stood, regarding the boy, the feeling of sorrow at Justin’s obvious confusion stifling. His head was a swirling mass of thoughts. But he pushed them aside. He had to think clearly. Justin was telling Brian that he was too confused to decide. Justin was telling him to make the decision for him. He was trusting Brian to make the right one.
Eventually the older man held out his hand to Justin.
“Come on.” He said softly, turning to lead them both towards the doctor.
***
Justin and Brian were led into a small, private room with the standard issue hospital bed and equipment.
Brian and Justin sat on the bed, while the doctor swung a swivel chair around to face the two men.
“First of all, Mr. Taylor-”
“Justin.” Justin cut him off. If this man was going to do something as achingly personal as practically shove his hand up his ass, he couldn’t bear to have this clinical formality continue. Might as well say his first damn name.
The doctor nodded understandingly, his face clearly showing that he knew what Justin’s reasoning was.
“Justin,” he acquiesced. “I first have to ask you, is this the person that you want to accompany you throughout the procedure?” he asked, gesturing at Brian.
Justin nodded, shifting closer to Brian with a minute movement.
“Yes,” he said, voice unwavering and challenging, as though he expected someone to try to contest Brian’s presence. “And I won’t do this unless you let him stay.”
The doctor held his hands up, and spoke in his best soothing voice.
“Justin, nobody is going to make Brian leave. It’s common practice to have someone with you throughout the examination.”
Justin nodded, slightly mollified.
“Justin, before we begin, I just have to ask a few questions.” the doctor said by way of request to continue.
Justin simply nodded.
“Have you consumed any solid food within the last two days?”
Justin shook his head. “No, only the milkshakes.”
“Last night did you take the prescribed laxative?”
Justin nodded.
“Either last night or this morning, did you have an enema?”
Justin swallowed, and then nodded, trying hard not to hit out at the guy for asking such personal questions.
The doctor nodded, sensing that Justin was reaching the end of his tether with all the personal questions.
“Alright, if everything is in order, we can get this started,” the doctor rose and approached Justin, fiddling with the equipment surrounding him.
He handed Justin a standard issue hospital gown, and began to draw the curtain around the bed.
“Now, I’m just going to step outside the curtain for a minute, and if you could just put this on and call me when you’re ready, that would be great.”
Justin stared down at the gown, as if numb, and unable to believe that this was actually happening.
Brian allowed Justin some quiet time for a moment, before intervening.
“Come on, Sonnyboy, don’t turn prude on me now. You’ll look fabulous in that stylish gown.” Brian murmured softly to Justin, who smiled faintly, but made no move to put on the gown. Brian sighed, and stroked Justin’s shoulder gently.
“Justin?” he asked softly. The blond regarded him with dazed eyes.
“The quicker you put on that gown, the quicker we can get the fuck out of this place and spend all day getting fat off of those disgustingly greasy snacks you like.” Brian prompted, his tone soft, but obviously one that Justin knew as brooking no room for argument, as the boy’s next move was to shrug off his clothes and slip the gown over his head.
Justin folded his clothes neatly, almost reverently, putting them gently in Brian’s lap.
Brian smiled at Justin’s little display, stroking Justin’s back again before calling the doctor back in.
Warren drew back the curtains, while checking the equipment. He turned to Justin to explain everything.
“First off, I’m just going to give you a sedative - it’ll just make you a bit sleepy, and help you to relax, okay?”
Justin nodded, shifting closer to Brian, who wrapped his arms around Justin, slowly stroking up and down the boy’s upper arm.
The doctor prepped the needle, and then quickly slid it into Justin’s arm. He flinched, clutching at Brian who made near silent shushing noises.
The doctor withdrew the needle, and then wheeled his chair over to the equipment again, this time coming back with an IV and heart monitor.
“Okay, just two more things and then we can get this over and done with, okay?” the doctor again employed his soothing voice, seeing that all Justin wanted was to get this over with and get out.
“All I’m gonna do is hook you up to this IV, so that we can administer any medication needed as quickly as possible, and without disturbing you.” Dr. Warren explained, murmuring an apology as Justin whimpered for the second time at the sting of a needle.
Dr. Warren, murmuring a second apology, then gently parted the middle of Justin’s hospital gown, and began attaching the small round almost sticker-like objects to Justin’s chest, and then linked them to the heart monitor.
Warren looked at Justin.
“I’m just gonna go and scrub up now, and find my assistant. Don’t worry, it’ll just be the two of us, you and Brian, no one else.” he explained gently, holding Justin’s gaze, making sure he understood.
“While I’m gone, you just take off your underwear and lay down on your side for me, okay?” the doctor told Justin, who nodded numbly.
Dr. Warren gave a gentle smile before leaving the room quietly.
Justin sat for a moment just staring, not wanting to move or say anything, because that would make this real.
And he didn’t want it to be real.
He turned to Brian. “Do I have to do this?”
“Yes.” Was the gentle yet firm answer that he received.
Brian leaned over and gently began to undo the button and zip of Justin’s trousers.
Justin flinched, but Brian merely made a shushing noise, and then continued with his work in a completely platonic way - no hint of the sexual undertone that would usually accompany such an action from Brian.
Justin obediently lifted his hips up when Brian slid his trousers down, and felt the cold air rush towards his bared flesh and shivered.
“Come on Sonnyboy, let’s get you warmer.” Brian murmured, sliding off Justin’s underwear now, and then pulling back the sheets on the bed on which Justin was perched.
Brian pulled the covers down, and then gently managed to roll Justin underneath, so he wasn’t feeling so completely exposed and cold. He got Justin settled on his side, plumping the boy’s pillows and then stroking his forehead as he settled.
Justin finally lay completely still after all the fussing, and Brian reached out to take his hand. Justin gratefully squeezed in response.
“Don’t freak out on me, okay?” Brian murmured with a mock glare and then a winning smile.
Justin laughed weakly, and replied, “I’ll try not to, you’ll just have to keep me grounded.”
Brian chuckled. “When don’t I? With that mouth and cwazy mind of yours, keeping you grounded is a fulltime job.”
Before Justin could form a retort, they were interrupted by the door of the exam room being opened.
Justin and Brian tensed as Dr. Warren and another man who was presumably the assistant walked in.
Both men smiled as they approached the bed.
“Justin,” Dr. Warren began. “this is my assistant, Dr. Rowan, and he’s going to be checking up on your vitals and generally assisting in with the procedure today.”
“Hi, it’s good to meet you.” the other man introduced himself warmly, and Justin was suddenly struck by the absurdity of all this. They were all exchanging pleasantries and introducing each other as though they were all meeting up for a socialised meal, not being forced together under one of the worst circumstances to perform an extremely personal examination that involved their hands, a wire, and his ass.
Justin’s face twisted into a smile that was more of a grimace, and Brian rubbed his hand slightly as a warning to keep a cool head and be polite.
“Yeah, you too.” Justin forced out in the most civilised tone that he could manage.
There then commenced some fumbling in the background as the doctors got their equipment together, and then Justin felt cold air assault his bare skin as the blanket was gently folded back from his lower body.
A moment later Dr. Warren’s extra soothing voice kicked in.
“Okay, Justin, I’m going to insert the colonoscope now, so just take a deep breath for me, cos it might feel a little weird at first.”
Justin felt the doctor’s hands on his skin and he squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t believe this was happening. The feel of unknown hands firmly manipulating his flesh was just too personal, and he let out a tiny whimper.
“Ssh, it’s okay, Sonnyboy.” Brian murmured, stroking the boy’s hand with his thumb.
“Fuck!”
Justin’s whole body suddenly twitched violently as though having a seizure as he felt something cold, unnatural and unwelcome breach his body so awfully slowly and confidently.
“Okay, easy, easy.” Brian soothed, gently holding Justin down, keeping his arms pinned by his side as the boy shook slightly, trying to reach around and slap the doctor’s hands away.
Justin whimpered, and Brian held on tighter to comfort the boy.
“I’m sorry Justin, I know this isn’t pleasant.” Dr. Warren said gently, as the assistant rubbed Justin’s back soothingly, obviously feeling pity for the boy.
Justin’s face contorted in discomfort as the doctor continued to insert the tube into those first difficult inches. His fists tightened into little balls, and he twisted the sheet in his hands, whimpering.
Brian took hold of the tensed fists and as gently as he could, forced them open, rubbing the palms and the fingers, making vague shushing noises. He didn’t want Justin’s hand to seize up on top of everything else that the boy was suffering.
Dr. Rowan kept a steady eye on Justin’s heart rate, his hand idly soothing the boy whenever he cried out, considering administering another sedative.
“Justin?” Brian whispered, still massaging his hand.
Justin’s eyes opened.
“Justin, you have to relax, okay, cos you’re gonna make life difficult if you don’t - you don’t want to make your hand seize up on top of everything else okay?” Brian told the boy firmly, but as gently and quietly as he could.
Justin nodded and took a deep, shaky breath, and then released it, and Brian nodded with satisfaction when he felt the boy’s hand relax a little.
He continued to lean over Justin and speak to him in the quiet, melodic voice that the boy seemed to like, as his face was crinkled in distress and had a sheen of sweat adorning it.
But Justin suddenly cried out, his whole body tensing up so violently that Dr. Rowan and Brian had to work together to keep him still.
“Justin, I know this isn’t easy, but I need you to relax your muscles for me, okay?”
Dr Warren’s voice sounded from behind Justin.
“Fuck you! Get the hell off of me, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, you try being in this fucking position and then see how well you can relax!” Justin sobbed viciously, struggling to get free, surprising Brian, but not the doctors.
The doctors both quickly grabbed hold of Justin’s struggling body, firmly holding the boy in place, patting him and talking soothingly.
Brian leaned over and brushed Justin’s sweaty bangs out of his eyes.
“Sunshine.” He whispered quietly in Justin’s ear. “Be polite; this isn’t their fault. I know this isn’t easy, but you’re okay, and I just want you to take a deep breath and calm down. They’re trying to help you, okay, I know it may not seem like it but they are. So play nice.”
Brian’s voice, although soothing and clearly sympathetic to Justin, held a gentle warning to Justin to keep his head.
Brian had always been like that with Justin. For all his coarseness, Brian had a stellar reputation for manners when they were due, and was keen to instil this into both his boys.
Dr. Warren hesitated for a moment, before telling Rowan to administer another sedative.
“Okay Justin, we’re just gonna give you another sedative. It’ll help you to relax and make this easier for you.” Warren explained, patting Justin’s hip gently while waiting for the sedative to take effect.
After a while, Justin could feel a warm, heavy sensation tingle throughout his body, and he knew that the drugs were doing their job.
“Justin, I’m going to start moving the scope again, okay?” came Dr. Warren’s gentle voice from behind Justin. “Now, it might be a little uncomfortable after that pause, but it’s gonna get a little easier once we get past the first few inches of the anus, okay?”
Justin gritted his teeth and nodded.
The doctor moved on, and Justin screwed up his eyes and heard a whimper escape him as he felt the scope again move into him.
“Okay Sonnyboy, I’m sorry about this, just take deep breaths, yeah?” Brian coached, stroking Justin’s hair from his forehead in a manner that he knew the boy liked.
Justin whimpered, and Brian gripped his hand a little tighter.
But when he shifted closer, he realised that Justin was not simply whimpering in his discomfort, he was actually murmuring something. Brian leaned in closer to the boy’s lips to hear.
“Only you…” Justin was muttering.
Brian smoothed the boy’s forehead as he flinched again and continued to murmur.
“What, Justin? What is it?” When the boy didn’t answer, Brian raised his voice a little. “What do you mean, ‘Only me,’ Justin?”
The boy locked eyes with Brian, and his gaze was so intense that Brian found himself filled with the desire to look away.
But he didn’t. He held out, and held Justin’s gaze as he replied in a raspy, horribly violated sounding whisper.
“Only you should touch me there like that, Brian.” And he glanced to where the doctor’s were probing.
Brian turned away violently as if those blue eyes had burned his skin and pierced his eyes.
This shouldn’t be happening. None of this should be happening. Brian thought, confused thoughts swirling around like smoke curls in his head.
Justin shouldn’t be going through this. I shouldn’t care so much about him. I knew that when I first met him. Caring just hurts everyone involved.
But the little shit fucked that up after a few weeks. I’ve already been caring for over a year now. Nothing I can fucking do about that. So I’ll just have to over all the other things that are so wrong that it is confusing me.
The fact that Justin seems to need me so fucking much is wrong. Wrong because I know he can be so strong on his own - because he already has been. Wrong because he shouldn’t have already had to be strong on his own. He’s just a kid.
But at the same time, basing your happiness on someone else is dangerous. You only get hurt. And he shouldn’t be hurt like that.
No, definitely shouldn’t be basing his happiness around me.
But fuck that, it is so wrong to hear him say that; ‘only you should touch me there like that…’
It’s wrong for him to sound so fucking scared, naïve and…fucking vulnerable. I really don’t fucking like hearing that.
None of this is right.
Give the poor kid a break.
Brian shook his head as if to clear it, settling his gaze back on Justin, who was still telling Brian that, really, only he should touch him like that there.
He took Justin’s hands - which were again trying to bat the doctor’s away - firmly in his own.
“Justin, I know.” He told the boy calmly, holding his gaze. “I know that it shouldn’t be like this. I know that some ‘stranger’ shouldn’t be touching you like that. I know that you feel as though only I should do that, and I know that it fucking sucks on so many levels to have this happening; and if it were any other situation, I’d kick the shit out of anyone who did this without you being willing. But they really are trying to help you. I know it’s fucking awful and painfully personal, but you just gotta stick with it for a while, okay? Cos it’s gonna help you in the long run. But don’t worry, no one’s gonna hurt you, okay?”
Justin gritted his teeth and regarded Brian carefully as though checking to make sure he wasn’t lying. When he seemed satisfied, he nodded his head and went back to fisting the sheets in discomfort.
After a few long seconds, Justin felt a deeply uncomfortable sensation on the inside.
It wasn’t pain exactly, but just such an alien feeling. It made Justin want to gag. He couldn’t explain it. It was the feeling of something firmly touching his insides - actually inside his fucking body, and the sensitivity of that never before touched place made him groan with a sick feeling. It just felt so wrong. It was so different from sex. It was deeper inside, but even that wasn’t it. It was the circumstances, the person, the thing invading him, and just that purely unnatural feeling that sent waves of nausea through his entire body, if that was possible.
He let out a choked groan and tensed up once again.
“It’s alright, Justin, the scope is well into the rectum now and on the way to the colon, so it’s got a lot more room to move about now - it’s not as uncomfortable as the first part of the procedure, I promise.” Dr. Warren explained, carefully monitoring the screen that showed Justin’s bowls.
“Then why the fuck is this so fucking weird?” Justin grit out, which got him a gently reprising ‘Justin,’ from Brian, the sting of which was softened by the continuous stroking of his hair.
But the doctor seemed unruffled by this verbal abuse.
“Well, the way the scope touches the lining of the rectum can feel somewhat strange at first, given its sensitivity, but you don’t have to worry about injury - I’ll take good care of you.” Warren assured, smiling gently.
Justin simply closed his eyes and nodded, trying to distance himself from the situation as much as possible.
After a while Justin frowned slightly as he felt an aching pain in his lower belly. He whimpered as it intensified, gripping Brian’s hand tightly, eventually making something that could be better described as a muffled scream, clutching at his belly now.
“Okay, Justin, it’s alright,” Dr. Rowan soothed, quickly reaching around and firmly prying Justin’s hands away from where they were kneading at his stomach.
Justin quickly began clawing at the doctor’s hands, and Brian took the blonde’s hands in his own, stroking the back of them with his thumb.
“I’m sorry about this Justin, but don’t worry, it’s just a little cramping, that’s all,” Dr. Warren explained calmly. “It’s caused by the scope not being able to cope with the twists and turns of your colon, but Dr. Rowan there is just going to massage your belly a little bit, and that should help. You just need to rely back and relax.”
Justin continued to whimper, his face scrunched up, clutching desperately at Brian’s hands.
“Please Brian.” He whispered, barely audibly.
Brian shook his head somewhat sadly. He knew what Justin was asking for.
“No Justin. You have to stick with this alright? It’s gonna save you from a lot of possible angst in the future.” He told the boy quietly, gently blowing on his eyelids to cool him down.
Justin sighed a little as the cool air breezed on his face, and he tried to concentrate on anything other than the strange feeling of the colonoscope inside him, and the other doctor gently massaging and squeezing his belly to help the scope through.
He stayed in that state of almost calm for a few minutes, just focusing on Brian’s soft murmurings in his ear and his calming hands that were stroking his sweat sheeted cheeks.
There were some small mutterings from behind him, and Justin opened his eyes as the doctor addressed him.
“Justin, Mr. Kinney, we’ve come across a small polyp on the lining of your colon.”
Brian and Justin closed their eyes tightly, wanting all of this to go away, no longer knowing what to feel. Apart from drained.
“But don’t worry, there is a good chance that it is benign, and we’ll remove it right away. It’s a very simple procedure, it doesn’t involve surgery or anything like that - we can do it right now. Do I have your consent, Mr. Taylor?”
Justin nodded.
“Just do it and get it over with.”
“Okay, Justin. Don’t worry, we’ll remove it really easily and send it off for evaluation, and we’ll call you back in here in about a week for the results.”
Brian and Justin nodded again.
And with that, Justin closed his eyes, now only focusing on Brian’s hand that was in his hair, petting him gently, and listening to Brian’s voice, whispering words in his ear. He was focused solely on that - distancing himself completely from the other happenings in the room.
“Don’t you dare fucking panic, Justin. No matter what happens, you’ll get through this. You’ll be fine. Nothing would dare to hurt you.”
TBC
Summary: Justin must do something, but he needs Brian’s help.
Disclaimer: These characters are not my own, and neither is any background plot about said characters etc. They belong to Russell T. Davis and Cowlip, and anybody associated with them, and I don’t want to infringe on their copy write….y’know, all that jazz.
Timeline: Pretty much any time you like after the bashing.
Genre: Angst, H/C, fluff, AR.
AN: Please comment! I'm so sorry for the delay.
Part two
The days that had followed Justin’s announcement were difficult. Brian had practically forced Justin to go back to the hospital to tell them that he would agree to the exam, and find out what preparation was needed. Brian had gone into the doctor’s office with Justin, to make sure that he didn’t back out.
And besides, Justin was very reluctant to speak to anyone, so Brian had to do most of the talking.
Justin had simply sat and stared at Brian with eyes that swirled with a kaleidoscope of hurt, anger, fear and betrayal.
And Brian had to repeat his mantra, simply to keep himself sane.
You have to be cruel to be kind.
***
“I don’t want to go.”
Brian sighed and closed the window on which he had been working, and rose from the computer, making his way towards Justin.
Brian had lost count how many times the boy had said this in the past three days.
He stopped just behind Justin, who was perched on the sofa, and he gently began to massage the boy’s shoulders.
“Brian, I don’t want to go,” Justin’s voice rose a little, as he became more determined to get his point across, as though Brian hadn’t understood.
“I know,” was all Brian said, continuing with Justin’s massage. “But you have to get into the shower now. No arguing.”
Justin paled, knowing that Brian was about to proceed with the final stage of the preparation needed for the colonoscopy.
They actually expect me to clean out my fucking colon?
Christ. This was beyond humiliating.
Brian bent down and kissed Justin’s forehead, sighing softly, thinking the same thoughts as Justin.
He ruffled the boy’s hair, and then lifted him up by his armpits.
“Go on,” he whispered gently. “I’ll be with you in a second. Get the shower warmed up.”
Justin nodded miserably, and trailed through to the shower slowly, as if delaying it would mean that the moment simply would not come to pass.
Meanwhile, Brian went into the bedroom to gather the supplies that the hospital had given them a few days ago; special drinks that had replaced all of Justin’s solid food intake for the past three days, strong laxatives that Justin had taken early that morning, and the one item that they had yet to use.
An enema.
Brian knew that Justin was definitely not looking forward to this part. When the doctors at the hospital had handed them the pack, explaining each item, Justin’s face had gone white when the enema had been explained.
Although the kid may be almost constantly horny, and more than a little kinky, he had never had any previous experience with enemas.
And he’s not likely to have any future ones after this, Brian thought sadly, thinking it a great waste of a horny, virile young man.
After a long while of just standing there and staring, Brian figured he ought not to make Justin wait - that would just give him time to panic.
So he made his way to the bathroom, the shower having been going for several minutes now.
He could see Justin’s form inside the clouded shower, and he could tell that the boy’s head was bowed, and he sighed.
Justin jumped a little when he felt Brian come up behind him.
“Ssh, it’s okay,” Brian whispered. “Just relax.”
And with that, Brian eased his hands onto Justin’s shoulders, simply rubbing gently, until he felt the other man’s muscles release from what must have been a painful tenseness, bordering on cramp.
Brian eased his way down Justin’s body, massaging the tense knots out of all Justin’s muscles until he was completely relaxed.
He then slowly slid his hands onto the twin globes of Justin’s ample butt, again rubbing soothingly. He reached out for something with one hand, the other keeping up the circling.
He then leaned over to whisper into Justin’s ear, not wanting to do anything without making sure Justin knew what was going on.
“Ready?” he whispered.
Justin tensed slightly, but nodded none the less.
It wasn’t much, but it was all that Brian needed, and although he knew that this was harsh, it was all that he was going to wait for.
If he gave Justin any more time to think about it, the boy would panic and tense up. And the quicker this was over, the better.
So, without hesitation, Brian gently inserted the nozzle of the enema into Justin.
The blond hissed, and his whole body jerked, and he grabbed onto the glass of the shower wall. Brian winced.
“Ssh, it’s alright, you’re okay.” Brian assured Justin, holding completely still for a moment, running his large hands over Justin’s flank and back soothingly.
“It’s okay, I won’t hurt you. This will all be over in a minute, I promise.”
Justin whimpered and clenched his fists.
“Promise?” he whispered.
Brian smiled gently.
“Promise. Scouts honour.”
Justin smiled weakly, and braced himself for the remainder of the time.
The truth was that it didn’t actually hurt. It just felt so fucking strange. And so personal.
Brian kept up his soothing stroking all the while, holding still as soon as Justin tensed, taking the time to reassure him.
He finished as quickly as possible, then stepped out of the shower to help Justin to the toilet.
He then stepped back into the shower stall, and turned the flow of water up slightly to give Justin some privacy.
The blond stepped back in a moment later, with a very pensive look on his face that immediately had Brian worried. He didn’t want the boy to think about tomorrow too much. It would just get him unnecessarily worked up, and then he would throw a tantrum in the morning, and it would take Brian God knows how long to actually get Justin to the hospital.
So he quickly ushered Justin out of the shower and into bed, where he watched as the boy wrapped himself in his usual burrito of duvet.
Brian settled down next to him, and wrapped his arms around the burrito, whispering softly in its ear.
“Sleep. Don’t think about tomorrow. Everything will be fine, I’ll make sure of it.”
“Don’t leave,” Justin whispered, a request for Brian to watch over him until he slept.
He closed his eyes.
Although he had just told Justin to try to get some sleep, Brian could not follow his own advice.
Although he desperately wanted to just turn onto his side and fall asleep and forget about tomorrow, he found that he couldn’t. Because he knew that if he did that, Justin would just feel alone and scared, and would sit in the dark, worrying about tomorrow, not even trying to sleep.
And so Brian didn’t even try. He lay on his side, eyes wide open and watching Justin, making sure that he got to sleep, making the boy feel safe. He knew that the only way for the blond to drift off was to know that Brian was watching him until he did fall asleep; it reminded Brian slightly of Gus.
Daddy, stay until I fall asleep.
Don’t leave.
Vulnerable.
You have to be cruel to be kind.
***
Squeak of shoe on floor. Background babble. Hushed voices. Thoughtful voices. Phones ringing. Keyboards clicking. Papers sifting. Wheels rolling. Objects clanging. Bodies shifting. Distanced shouting.
Justin shifted on his plastic seat for the tenth time in a minute. Brian was counting.
He reached over and wrapped his arm around the boy’s shoulders.
“Were you hyperactive as a little kid?” Brian asked, partly to lighten the mood, partly out of genuine curiosity.
Justin glared at him. Brian just stared right on back.
“My mother might have mentioned something about it,” Justin grumbled, smiling a little.
Brian smiled and squeezed Justin slightly.
“Stop.” He told the boy. “If you act nervous, you get worked up. Don’t fidget.”
Justin grumbled some more.
“Yes, Freud,” he muttered, casting a nervous look around.
Brian simply sighed and leaned back in his chair.
Squeak of shoe on floor, background babble….
***
“Mr. Taylor?” a voice jolted Brian out of his daydream.
He looked up to see a youngish doctor looking at them enquiringly.
“I’m Justin Taylor,” Justin replied quietly, his face suddenly going very white as he stared up at the doctor suspiciously.
The doctor was obviously used to this kind of scrutiny, as his manner was very easy and open and reassuring.
“I’m Dr Warren, I’m the doctor who will be performing the procedure,” he informed them cheerfully subdued manner. “Would you like to just follow me?”
Brian stood up, but Justin stayed where he was. He was very pale and was beginning to breathe a little quickly.
“Come on Sunshine, the sooner we get this started, the sooner we can get out of here and forget all about it,” Brian coaxed quietly, crouching down to Justin’s level.
Justin looked at him dubiously, eyes flicking between Brian and the doctor.
Dr. Warren sighed slightly, though not in an impatient manner.
“Mr. Taylor, you don’t have to go through with this. It is in no way compulsory, and we cannot make you do anything.” He told Justin with a hint of sadness and weariness in his voice. “But I would highly recommend it. You have no idea how many lives we save by simply carrying out this procedure. And if everyone did it, that number would triple again. Please think carefully.”
Brian bit his lip, wanting desperately to say something, but managing to keep quiet so that he could give Justin a few minutes to just think for himself what he wanted to do.
But Justin seemed incapable of thinking past do I do this, or don’t I?
He couldn’t come up with anything other than that panicked question. He knew that there were other points he should consider. Hell, he had tormented himself over them during the lead up to this point. But now his mind had been wiped clean, and all he could do was feel panic wash over him as he thought in desperation, I don’t want to do this, but everyone is saying that I should. And I don’t want to get cancer.
But I don’t want to do this.
“Justin.” Brian called softly to the boy, bringing him out of his reverie.
The blond looked up at Brian with helpless eyes, telling him without words that he didn’t know what to do.
Brian stood, regarding the boy, the feeling of sorrow at Justin’s obvious confusion stifling. His head was a swirling mass of thoughts. But he pushed them aside. He had to think clearly. Justin was telling Brian that he was too confused to decide. Justin was telling him to make the decision for him. He was trusting Brian to make the right one.
Eventually the older man held out his hand to Justin.
“Come on.” He said softly, turning to lead them both towards the doctor.
***
Justin and Brian were led into a small, private room with the standard issue hospital bed and equipment.
Brian and Justin sat on the bed, while the doctor swung a swivel chair around to face the two men.
“First of all, Mr. Taylor-”
“Justin.” Justin cut him off. If this man was going to do something as achingly personal as practically shove his hand up his ass, he couldn’t bear to have this clinical formality continue. Might as well say his first damn name.
The doctor nodded understandingly, his face clearly showing that he knew what Justin’s reasoning was.
“Justin,” he acquiesced. “I first have to ask you, is this the person that you want to accompany you throughout the procedure?” he asked, gesturing at Brian.
Justin nodded, shifting closer to Brian with a minute movement.
“Yes,” he said, voice unwavering and challenging, as though he expected someone to try to contest Brian’s presence. “And I won’t do this unless you let him stay.”
The doctor held his hands up, and spoke in his best soothing voice.
“Justin, nobody is going to make Brian leave. It’s common practice to have someone with you throughout the examination.”
Justin nodded, slightly mollified.
“Justin, before we begin, I just have to ask a few questions.” the doctor said by way of request to continue.
Justin simply nodded.
“Have you consumed any solid food within the last two days?”
Justin shook his head. “No, only the milkshakes.”
“Last night did you take the prescribed laxative?”
Justin nodded.
“Either last night or this morning, did you have an enema?”
Justin swallowed, and then nodded, trying hard not to hit out at the guy for asking such personal questions.
The doctor nodded, sensing that Justin was reaching the end of his tether with all the personal questions.
“Alright, if everything is in order, we can get this started,” the doctor rose and approached Justin, fiddling with the equipment surrounding him.
He handed Justin a standard issue hospital gown, and began to draw the curtain around the bed.
“Now, I’m just going to step outside the curtain for a minute, and if you could just put this on and call me when you’re ready, that would be great.”
Justin stared down at the gown, as if numb, and unable to believe that this was actually happening.
Brian allowed Justin some quiet time for a moment, before intervening.
“Come on, Sonnyboy, don’t turn prude on me now. You’ll look fabulous in that stylish gown.” Brian murmured softly to Justin, who smiled faintly, but made no move to put on the gown. Brian sighed, and stroked Justin’s shoulder gently.
“Justin?” he asked softly. The blond regarded him with dazed eyes.
“The quicker you put on that gown, the quicker we can get the fuck out of this place and spend all day getting fat off of those disgustingly greasy snacks you like.” Brian prompted, his tone soft, but obviously one that Justin knew as brooking no room for argument, as the boy’s next move was to shrug off his clothes and slip the gown over his head.
Justin folded his clothes neatly, almost reverently, putting them gently in Brian’s lap.
Brian smiled at Justin’s little display, stroking Justin’s back again before calling the doctor back in.
Warren drew back the curtains, while checking the equipment. He turned to Justin to explain everything.
“First off, I’m just going to give you a sedative - it’ll just make you a bit sleepy, and help you to relax, okay?”
Justin nodded, shifting closer to Brian, who wrapped his arms around Justin, slowly stroking up and down the boy’s upper arm.
The doctor prepped the needle, and then quickly slid it into Justin’s arm. He flinched, clutching at Brian who made near silent shushing noises.
The doctor withdrew the needle, and then wheeled his chair over to the equipment again, this time coming back with an IV and heart monitor.
“Okay, just two more things and then we can get this over and done with, okay?” the doctor again employed his soothing voice, seeing that all Justin wanted was to get this over with and get out.
“All I’m gonna do is hook you up to this IV, so that we can administer any medication needed as quickly as possible, and without disturbing you.” Dr. Warren explained, murmuring an apology as Justin whimpered for the second time at the sting of a needle.
Dr. Warren, murmuring a second apology, then gently parted the middle of Justin’s hospital gown, and began attaching the small round almost sticker-like objects to Justin’s chest, and then linked them to the heart monitor.
Warren looked at Justin.
“I’m just gonna go and scrub up now, and find my assistant. Don’t worry, it’ll just be the two of us, you and Brian, no one else.” he explained gently, holding Justin’s gaze, making sure he understood.
“While I’m gone, you just take off your underwear and lay down on your side for me, okay?” the doctor told Justin, who nodded numbly.
Dr. Warren gave a gentle smile before leaving the room quietly.
Justin sat for a moment just staring, not wanting to move or say anything, because that would make this real.
And he didn’t want it to be real.
He turned to Brian. “Do I have to do this?”
“Yes.” Was the gentle yet firm answer that he received.
Brian leaned over and gently began to undo the button and zip of Justin’s trousers.
Justin flinched, but Brian merely made a shushing noise, and then continued with his work in a completely platonic way - no hint of the sexual undertone that would usually accompany such an action from Brian.
Justin obediently lifted his hips up when Brian slid his trousers down, and felt the cold air rush towards his bared flesh and shivered.
“Come on Sonnyboy, let’s get you warmer.” Brian murmured, sliding off Justin’s underwear now, and then pulling back the sheets on the bed on which Justin was perched.
Brian pulled the covers down, and then gently managed to roll Justin underneath, so he wasn’t feeling so completely exposed and cold. He got Justin settled on his side, plumping the boy’s pillows and then stroking his forehead as he settled.
Justin finally lay completely still after all the fussing, and Brian reached out to take his hand. Justin gratefully squeezed in response.
“Don’t freak out on me, okay?” Brian murmured with a mock glare and then a winning smile.
Justin laughed weakly, and replied, “I’ll try not to, you’ll just have to keep me grounded.”
Brian chuckled. “When don’t I? With that mouth and cwazy mind of yours, keeping you grounded is a fulltime job.”
Before Justin could form a retort, they were interrupted by the door of the exam room being opened.
Justin and Brian tensed as Dr. Warren and another man who was presumably the assistant walked in.
Both men smiled as they approached the bed.
“Justin,” Dr. Warren began. “this is my assistant, Dr. Rowan, and he’s going to be checking up on your vitals and generally assisting in with the procedure today.”
“Hi, it’s good to meet you.” the other man introduced himself warmly, and Justin was suddenly struck by the absurdity of all this. They were all exchanging pleasantries and introducing each other as though they were all meeting up for a socialised meal, not being forced together under one of the worst circumstances to perform an extremely personal examination that involved their hands, a wire, and his ass.
Justin’s face twisted into a smile that was more of a grimace, and Brian rubbed his hand slightly as a warning to keep a cool head and be polite.
“Yeah, you too.” Justin forced out in the most civilised tone that he could manage.
There then commenced some fumbling in the background as the doctors got their equipment together, and then Justin felt cold air assault his bare skin as the blanket was gently folded back from his lower body.
A moment later Dr. Warren’s extra soothing voice kicked in.
“Okay, Justin, I’m going to insert the colonoscope now, so just take a deep breath for me, cos it might feel a little weird at first.”
Justin felt the doctor’s hands on his skin and he squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t believe this was happening. The feel of unknown hands firmly manipulating his flesh was just too personal, and he let out a tiny whimper.
“Ssh, it’s okay, Sonnyboy.” Brian murmured, stroking the boy’s hand with his thumb.
“Fuck!”
Justin’s whole body suddenly twitched violently as though having a seizure as he felt something cold, unnatural and unwelcome breach his body so awfully slowly and confidently.
“Okay, easy, easy.” Brian soothed, gently holding Justin down, keeping his arms pinned by his side as the boy shook slightly, trying to reach around and slap the doctor’s hands away.
Justin whimpered, and Brian held on tighter to comfort the boy.
“I’m sorry Justin, I know this isn’t pleasant.” Dr. Warren said gently, as the assistant rubbed Justin’s back soothingly, obviously feeling pity for the boy.
Justin’s face contorted in discomfort as the doctor continued to insert the tube into those first difficult inches. His fists tightened into little balls, and he twisted the sheet in his hands, whimpering.
Brian took hold of the tensed fists and as gently as he could, forced them open, rubbing the palms and the fingers, making vague shushing noises. He didn’t want Justin’s hand to seize up on top of everything else that the boy was suffering.
Dr. Rowan kept a steady eye on Justin’s heart rate, his hand idly soothing the boy whenever he cried out, considering administering another sedative.
“Justin?” Brian whispered, still massaging his hand.
Justin’s eyes opened.
“Justin, you have to relax, okay, cos you’re gonna make life difficult if you don’t - you don’t want to make your hand seize up on top of everything else okay?” Brian told the boy firmly, but as gently and quietly as he could.
Justin nodded and took a deep, shaky breath, and then released it, and Brian nodded with satisfaction when he felt the boy’s hand relax a little.
He continued to lean over Justin and speak to him in the quiet, melodic voice that the boy seemed to like, as his face was crinkled in distress and had a sheen of sweat adorning it.
But Justin suddenly cried out, his whole body tensing up so violently that Dr. Rowan and Brian had to work together to keep him still.
“Justin, I know this isn’t easy, but I need you to relax your muscles for me, okay?”
Dr Warren’s voice sounded from behind Justin.
“Fuck you! Get the hell off of me, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, you try being in this fucking position and then see how well you can relax!” Justin sobbed viciously, struggling to get free, surprising Brian, but not the doctors.
The doctors both quickly grabbed hold of Justin’s struggling body, firmly holding the boy in place, patting him and talking soothingly.
Brian leaned over and brushed Justin’s sweaty bangs out of his eyes.
“Sunshine.” He whispered quietly in Justin’s ear. “Be polite; this isn’t their fault. I know this isn’t easy, but you’re okay, and I just want you to take a deep breath and calm down. They’re trying to help you, okay, I know it may not seem like it but they are. So play nice.”
Brian’s voice, although soothing and clearly sympathetic to Justin, held a gentle warning to Justin to keep his head.
Brian had always been like that with Justin. For all his coarseness, Brian had a stellar reputation for manners when they were due, and was keen to instil this into both his boys.
Dr. Warren hesitated for a moment, before telling Rowan to administer another sedative.
“Okay Justin, we’re just gonna give you another sedative. It’ll help you to relax and make this easier for you.” Warren explained, patting Justin’s hip gently while waiting for the sedative to take effect.
After a while, Justin could feel a warm, heavy sensation tingle throughout his body, and he knew that the drugs were doing their job.
“Justin, I’m going to start moving the scope again, okay?” came Dr. Warren’s gentle voice from behind Justin. “Now, it might be a little uncomfortable after that pause, but it’s gonna get a little easier once we get past the first few inches of the anus, okay?”
Justin gritted his teeth and nodded.
The doctor moved on, and Justin screwed up his eyes and heard a whimper escape him as he felt the scope again move into him.
“Okay Sonnyboy, I’m sorry about this, just take deep breaths, yeah?” Brian coached, stroking Justin’s hair from his forehead in a manner that he knew the boy liked.
Justin whimpered, and Brian gripped his hand a little tighter.
But when he shifted closer, he realised that Justin was not simply whimpering in his discomfort, he was actually murmuring something. Brian leaned in closer to the boy’s lips to hear.
“Only you…” Justin was muttering.
Brian smoothed the boy’s forehead as he flinched again and continued to murmur.
“What, Justin? What is it?” When the boy didn’t answer, Brian raised his voice a little. “What do you mean, ‘Only me,’ Justin?”
The boy locked eyes with Brian, and his gaze was so intense that Brian found himself filled with the desire to look away.
But he didn’t. He held out, and held Justin’s gaze as he replied in a raspy, horribly violated sounding whisper.
“Only you should touch me there like that, Brian.” And he glanced to where the doctor’s were probing.
Brian turned away violently as if those blue eyes had burned his skin and pierced his eyes.
This shouldn’t be happening. None of this should be happening. Brian thought, confused thoughts swirling around like smoke curls in his head.
Justin shouldn’t be going through this. I shouldn’t care so much about him. I knew that when I first met him. Caring just hurts everyone involved.
But the little shit fucked that up after a few weeks. I’ve already been caring for over a year now. Nothing I can fucking do about that. So I’ll just have to over all the other things that are so wrong that it is confusing me.
The fact that Justin seems to need me so fucking much is wrong. Wrong because I know he can be so strong on his own - because he already has been. Wrong because he shouldn’t have already had to be strong on his own. He’s just a kid.
But at the same time, basing your happiness on someone else is dangerous. You only get hurt. And he shouldn’t be hurt like that.
No, definitely shouldn’t be basing his happiness around me.
But fuck that, it is so wrong to hear him say that; ‘only you should touch me there like that…’
It’s wrong for him to sound so fucking scared, naïve and…fucking vulnerable. I really don’t fucking like hearing that.
None of this is right.
Give the poor kid a break.
Brian shook his head as if to clear it, settling his gaze back on Justin, who was still telling Brian that, really, only he should touch him like that there.
He took Justin’s hands - which were again trying to bat the doctor’s away - firmly in his own.
“Justin, I know.” He told the boy calmly, holding his gaze. “I know that it shouldn’t be like this. I know that some ‘stranger’ shouldn’t be touching you like that. I know that you feel as though only I should do that, and I know that it fucking sucks on so many levels to have this happening; and if it were any other situation, I’d kick the shit out of anyone who did this without you being willing. But they really are trying to help you. I know it’s fucking awful and painfully personal, but you just gotta stick with it for a while, okay? Cos it’s gonna help you in the long run. But don’t worry, no one’s gonna hurt you, okay?”
Justin gritted his teeth and regarded Brian carefully as though checking to make sure he wasn’t lying. When he seemed satisfied, he nodded his head and went back to fisting the sheets in discomfort.
After a few long seconds, Justin felt a deeply uncomfortable sensation on the inside.
It wasn’t pain exactly, but just such an alien feeling. It made Justin want to gag. He couldn’t explain it. It was the feeling of something firmly touching his insides - actually inside his fucking body, and the sensitivity of that never before touched place made him groan with a sick feeling. It just felt so wrong. It was so different from sex. It was deeper inside, but even that wasn’t it. It was the circumstances, the person, the thing invading him, and just that purely unnatural feeling that sent waves of nausea through his entire body, if that was possible.
He let out a choked groan and tensed up once again.
“It’s alright, Justin, the scope is well into the rectum now and on the way to the colon, so it’s got a lot more room to move about now - it’s not as uncomfortable as the first part of the procedure, I promise.” Dr. Warren explained, carefully monitoring the screen that showed Justin’s bowls.
“Then why the fuck is this so fucking weird?” Justin grit out, which got him a gently reprising ‘Justin,’ from Brian, the sting of which was softened by the continuous stroking of his hair.
But the doctor seemed unruffled by this verbal abuse.
“Well, the way the scope touches the lining of the rectum can feel somewhat strange at first, given its sensitivity, but you don’t have to worry about injury - I’ll take good care of you.” Warren assured, smiling gently.
Justin simply closed his eyes and nodded, trying to distance himself from the situation as much as possible.
After a while Justin frowned slightly as he felt an aching pain in his lower belly. He whimpered as it intensified, gripping Brian’s hand tightly, eventually making something that could be better described as a muffled scream, clutching at his belly now.
“Okay, Justin, it’s alright,” Dr. Rowan soothed, quickly reaching around and firmly prying Justin’s hands away from where they were kneading at his stomach.
Justin quickly began clawing at the doctor’s hands, and Brian took the blonde’s hands in his own, stroking the back of them with his thumb.
“I’m sorry about this Justin, but don’t worry, it’s just a little cramping, that’s all,” Dr. Warren explained calmly. “It’s caused by the scope not being able to cope with the twists and turns of your colon, but Dr. Rowan there is just going to massage your belly a little bit, and that should help. You just need to rely back and relax.”
Justin continued to whimper, his face scrunched up, clutching desperately at Brian’s hands.
“Please Brian.” He whispered, barely audibly.
Brian shook his head somewhat sadly. He knew what Justin was asking for.
“No Justin. You have to stick with this alright? It’s gonna save you from a lot of possible angst in the future.” He told the boy quietly, gently blowing on his eyelids to cool him down.
Justin sighed a little as the cool air breezed on his face, and he tried to concentrate on anything other than the strange feeling of the colonoscope inside him, and the other doctor gently massaging and squeezing his belly to help the scope through.
He stayed in that state of almost calm for a few minutes, just focusing on Brian’s soft murmurings in his ear and his calming hands that were stroking his sweat sheeted cheeks.
There were some small mutterings from behind him, and Justin opened his eyes as the doctor addressed him.
“Justin, Mr. Kinney, we’ve come across a small polyp on the lining of your colon.”
Brian and Justin closed their eyes tightly, wanting all of this to go away, no longer knowing what to feel. Apart from drained.
“But don’t worry, there is a good chance that it is benign, and we’ll remove it right away. It’s a very simple procedure, it doesn’t involve surgery or anything like that - we can do it right now. Do I have your consent, Mr. Taylor?”
Justin nodded.
“Just do it and get it over with.”
“Okay, Justin. Don’t worry, we’ll remove it really easily and send it off for evaluation, and we’ll call you back in here in about a week for the results.”
Brian and Justin nodded again.
And with that, Justin closed his eyes, now only focusing on Brian’s hand that was in his hair, petting him gently, and listening to Brian’s voice, whispering words in his ear. He was focused solely on that - distancing himself completely from the other happenings in the room.
“Don’t you dare fucking panic, Justin. No matter what happens, you’ll get through this. You’ll be fine. Nothing would dare to hurt you.”
TBC