Finally Decided
One of my weirdest memories is one day in fifth grade when my mom was driving me to school (I'm not sure why, since I walked to school almost every day all four years that I lived in St. Louis). We talked about college, and my mom mentioned that the LCMS (Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod) had its own set of colleges called Concordia Universities or Colleges, and they were scattered all over the United States.. Even in our fourth year at Seminary, when St. Louis was basically all I knew, I knew that life, or at least the weather, was better in California.
"Is there a Concordia in California?" I asked from the backseat.
"I think so...in Irvine. It's in Southern California," my mother replied.
"I want to go there for college," I said.
That simple declaration made from the backseat of a car was a belief I held for the rest of fifth grade. I continued life with that goal in mind as we moved back to California, as I experienced one of the worst years of my life in public middle school... My desire to go to Concordia Irvine was common knowledge among the St. Peter's crowd. My dad would find or receive old pamphlets about the school and give them to me so I could look at the campus, extracurriculars and majors. But I knew what I wanted to major in too. I wanted to be an elementary school teacher.
By the beginning of ninth grade, all plans had not-so-gradually fallen into a giant hole labelled "I dunno." The best answers I could give started with "I used to..." or "I'm thinking about..." or "there's so many..." Because of dramatic changes in identity and beliefs, I no longer had any desire to go to a Concordia. (As a side note, Concordia schools viewed the NYG as a giant advertising opportunity. One booth, sponsored by Concordia Seward, made everybody fill out forms to recieve the "Kiss Me I'm Lutheran" pins. I'm expecting a crapload of snail mail from them any day now) I want my college experience to be open-minded, filled with people coming from a variety of backgrounds and beliefs, of cultures and of ideas. I would feel censored and fake at a Lutheran school because I wouldn't be able to express most of my political or theological opinions without fear of getting kicked out (I once read an article about a conservative college who kicked out two girls because of admin's belief, backed by little to no proof, that they were in a lesbian relationship). I know from personal experience that the large, large, large majority of LCMS members are all WASP (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant...even though Anglo-Saxon meant British in the olden days so the acronym doesn't make that much sense).
Since I've been going on too long about Lutheran schools, I'll cut to my main point about colleges: I've decided that my top choice is USC (University of Southern California), a college I found out about while playing around on CollegeBoard either the summer before tenth grade or early in tenth grade. I've done a lot, a lot of research and basically anything I've ever considered as a career is offered as a major there. Their website is neat, organized and gives you actual information regarding the classes rather than a vague description making the major sound absolutely perfect for anyone.
I only have two concerns: 1. No one from OSA has ever attended USC. 2. Ms. Kuzmic told some of the juniors in our Poetry class that USC is in a pretty crappy area of LA.
I've also done a TON of thinking about careers and what I want to do with my life besides suddenly finding inspiration and talent and becoming the next J.K. Rowling like my grandpa literally told me he expects me to be. I've come to a decision about what I'm going to mentally consider to be "what I want to be when I grow up" as they ask in like kindergarten. Don't laugh.
I want to be a clincial psychologist.
I've been to USC's website with this goal in mind and looked at the undergraduate curriculum and classes and they really do offer topics that I'm interested in and will help me with what I want to do with my career. I'm hoping that I can take some of what I learn from my clients' experiences and problems and use them in novels, therefore being able to somewhat combine both strongly desired careers.
Deciding on a college and career is something I've been working on for a long time and I'm really proud of myself for being able to figure out what I really want to do after I'm done screwing around at OSA. I hope other people will be satisfied with my decisions as well.
I just hope I'll be able to move away from my own psychological problems, particularly with anxiety which reached really pathetic levels in Florida, if I want to help other people.