First entry....about sleep, or lack there of
well here we are, a live journal, you know first i told myself i'd never get one of these. but things were gettin a little to public on some other online thought outlets, so i have decided to share some more thoughts here. anywho, here we go. not sure what i'm gonna write about just yet, i'm rather tired. so lets talk about sleep. you know what i hate the most, when you get that random insomnia. you know, when your thinkin about sometin alot, so much, to much. when your playin imaginary scenes over and over agian in your head. thinking about every single way it could happen. planning you every move and line in your head. and you do it about a thousand times, repeating certain parts, so that it is just write. it's movie script right. ok so most the time with me its some fantasy meeting with a girl. fantasy as in there never is that right moment to even start the dream. or i don have the nads to suggest such a meeting. Of course you know it would never go like the dream anyway. cause just when your gettin in to the groove, preparing to pull some of those lines, she goes a fucking totally diff direction. so now your pullin shit out of your ass, and it sounds horrible. (by the way all, the later it gets, the more i cuss, or more pissed off, but thats a given.) but you know what i mean, and if you pass up that opppertunity cause you wuss out, your spending the rest of the night kicken your own ass. then 3 nights later your thinkin about the same shit, maybe updated with whats happened since then, but you know your thinkin the same of stuff, stayin up half the fuckin night, agian. And the craziest shit happens when you actually do work it like the dream, you pull all the stops you know. and you get a look like what the hell are you on..where do you come up with this shit. so now your kicken yourself in the ass anyway, goin you dumb shit, why'd you say that, why didn't you just stick with whatever came to your head, that would have sounded fine. I really hate when you just keep thinkin about the same shit off and on for like weeks, cause you never get an oppertunity to do it. that's such a bitch. i'm up like all night, cause i can't stop thinkin about this stuff. it drives me insanse. cause you know normally, when your tryin to sleep, one thing will kinda just lead to another. you start out thinkin about your dog and how you walked him and then your like ya and i saw that girl, she reminds me of my friend girl #2, wow i havn't seen girl #2 since party#8, hey party #8, that was a bad ass party, oh and that one kid got totally smashed and we made him do stupid stuff, then we took him home, and his parents got pissed, man my parents were gay tonight, can't believe they didn't let me go out to see that movie, that movie looks so funny, but i got to see that other movie instead at home, it was really good, you know friend #3 told me about this third movie i really need to rent it, its got actor 1 in it, he's really good....and so on. so when i've got sometin stuck on the brain, it starts out like this, and then when we get to say girl #2, pretending she's the girl i got on the brain (girl #2 is pretty damn hot), then all of a sudden i'm thinkin about this situation with her. like i'm tryin to get back together with her. so i start playin out this situation where we talk about our feelings. i give this oscar worthy speech about love, and how i really like her, but i need to be sure things are gonna work out and you know the whole, "look i love you, but i need to know that you love me, cause if not, tell me now, and i walk away, otherwise what are we waitin on." Then you know she practically jumps into my arms, wanting to get back together. sometimes i'll play out more, like what we talk about after the mutual loving is established. but mostly i go back, fine tune every part of that situation. how we meet, first word, do we immediatly jump in, do i just jump in to this speech, do we discuss stuff first. then of course the damn speech proably changes every single time. you know words here or there, forget whole parts of it. add new parts to it. crazy shit. and then, for me, i wake up the next morning, from being all depressed about this problem the night before, happy as fuck. you know, every day is a new day in my book. so most stuff like that i really gotta take care of when i think about it, cause lots i won't even care about after that. some will come to mind agian, depending on the situation. but that's why as much as i like stayin up late, and bein out at night (which is a topic for another entry) i love the mornings. A fresh start everytime. no worries, no wears, no tears, notin holding me back, no judgments, nothing. the day is fresh, it could go anyway. rain or shine, the morning is always the most refreshing thing to me ever. speakin of which i'm gonna go to bed, so i can get my morning. goodnight all, if anybody even reads this, or will. i'm out.