Sifting through the many thoughts I have about stupid shit.
So when you go home tonight have fun sleeping in your own bed...because i don't even have my own bed anymore...but i don't care about that...nor do i care that i'm getting kicked out..in a way i do because everytime there is a problem my aunt can't handle all she does is kick me out like i'm a piece of trash..usually if you call yourself a family you stick together and work through problems but since "i'm not her kid" and my "mom is better" she doesn't have to take care or worry about me anymore..she can just shove me off like i'm nothing to her..she never actually faces the problem she just says "get out i don't want you hear anymore i can't deal with you" she runs from the problem..thats her problem..she runs from everything or at least lately she has been. like i could be doing things ten times worse then what i am (being ten-20 minutes late). and she just kicks me out for the stupidest things...like idk why. why doesn't she just like cut me a lil slack and get over it. i told her a while back that overall i do love her and hate it when we fight because its over stupid things..and she agrees with me..yet she still fights over the stupidest things..its friggin retarded like deal with it...say your peace and then get over it. Plus it doesn't help when the other adults in my life agree with her..except my mom cuz she knows her better then most other adults because my aunt puts on a mask when she's with other people outside the family. Its ridiulous...like be yourself number one so people can see the two sided person you are...and she only knows how to deal with things with one thing (not gonna mention it...) like she uses it all as an excuse..just go to the doc and get some drugs jesus..its better then shit now..either that just go away and mellow out for a while idk...yeh her job might be like wicked stressful and i understand that..and i understand she needs her sleep and my uncle does too..oh and she says "yeh i've been protecting your uncle from this bullshit when you were in school" she makes it sound like i'm murdering people or something and she doesn't want uncle paul to have to deal iwth that kind of stress...like wow i'm gonna be 10 minutes late..that really causes a lot of stress or w/e on my uncle woooahhh maybe he should go to a therapist because he can't handle anyone being late...like wtf being late shouldn't be a big deal and she shouldn't have to "protect" anyone from someone being late..thats a bullshit reasoning...All of her reasons are bullshit...like 10 minutes late damn causes soo many people stress enough that they can't calm down at night or w/e...she has a friggin wierd personality and a wierd mind to not be able to handle shit like that...if she can't handle people being late then how has she managed to get through life all these years??? i don't get it...if i got stressed out over that i'd prolly be in the nut house cuz i couldn't handle anything else...And no one understands me, everyone's like "thats how all parents are..she's just being protective.." like i know parents are like that cuz i have friends that tell me this shit..but like you gotta live with her to really understand whree i am comming from..it really isn't like other parents. hahah because number one she doesn't even consider herself my 'parent' she's like a person who has total control over my life yet doesn't give a shit when a problem occurs because all she has to do is kick me out and she doesn't have to deal with it. yeh i wonder if she ever reads this lol..well w/e i'm venting, get over it......i'd be telling everyone anyway because the way i get through problems and struggles is talking to my firends...i don't just run away from them or dismiss them and shit..i actually deal with them..and this is how i do it..writing...But yeh so like at least i know my mom agrees with me on most of this..she like agrees that its stupid the way she handled/s problems like this..i mena my mom agrees iwth my aunt that i should have a curfew or well at lease follow the rules while i'm here and i agree too..and i do to the best of my ability..but being 10 mintues late should not be like a fucking tradegedy like a flood and her like being OMFG blah blah blah...bitch bitch bitch..moan moan moan. And when i come back to HER, HER house this morning she starts bitching to me..and i say to my uncle i have to take a shower before we leave..and she says "you should just leave you've waited long enough" and well he said that he wanted to leave by at least Ten and i was there at like 915..so thats what i said to her and she had nothing to say HA she hates it when i'm right.......And then i'm out of the shower and she's in the living room cleaning windows or some shit..and i come out and she says so you need to move your shit out...and she's like where did you sleep last night..and i was like mom's..in my head i was saying "why does it matter..its none of your business since you basically don't care about me"..but yeh and so i told her i stayed at my mom's and then she's like "oh good then its all set your staying over there for the rest of the summer" and i'm like "no i didn't ask her if i could plus she doesn't have an extra bedroom so yeh it won't work" and then she's like well you should have known that you weren't gonna be able to come back for the rest of the summer" and i was like "oh so i should assume things now" and then she said something stupid like "well you won't have to assume anything anymore because you wn't be here" she said that because she knows she was wrong and yelled at me before for assuming things..and she says i have an answer or some sly way to get out of things..well she's the same fucking way..she needs to walk her talk and not be a w/e that word is when you contradict waht you preach...she's soo friggin two faced its ridiculous..and she can't handle shit when she knows i'm right and it gets her even more pissed..which just makes me laugh inside. like admit when your wrong or just get over it..she keeps bickering about it. Yeh bunch of bullshit huh?? hahahah i'm over it...I just can't wait till i'm out of this house and like out of her life...because she can't handle anything anymore..
well on a better note: Pat was there throughout the whole thing well sorta..that ting that happened lastnight anyway..and he made me feel better. he kept like making sure that i knew he wouldn't leave me and it made me feel very happy because, well just because....He really makes me happy and feel comfortable with everything (thats not the word but idk..) like i'm happy i know the things he keeps telling me because it helps me feel confident about things. Yeh but on an even cooler note: Sammy's birthday party was yesterday/lastnight and I got to meet Pat's dad, he's wicked funny and i got told mannyyy stories aobut pat and his siblings when they were little. I was sooo cracking up for like sooo longgggg. Sammy was sooo cute though..they put the happy cake in front of her and she reaches for it and get like this huge thing of frosting and sticks it in her mouth and then goes for more..they keep pushing it further away from her and by the end she's like climbing out of her chair to get more lol. that was like the cutest thing. Then we got finnished opening presents and stuff and Sammy's like "HOKEY POKEY!!!!!" and she makes everyone do the hokey pokey in the living room lol. So we are all in there singing and dancing it was the coolest thing..that made me feel very happy and made me feel like i'm not an outsider or w/e. like i just felt apart of them..that prolly sounds wierd but idk. HAHa and coco was just there watching us like we were wierdos with flailing arms and legs. That dog is soooo cute :D That was an awsome time. I wish Kaitie and Sammy didn't live all the way in colorado springs! cuz they really cool people and Kaitie's wicked nice. Pat's family is just awsome (: Its cool though cuz like they a family and shiz..like his mom and dad are still together, he still talks to his siblings. and everyone is just happy for the most part..i mena every family had their problems but they just overall funny..like they always laughing and just happy. you can see the togetherness they have...its awsome..i wish i had that still but i don't....lol owell Pat just makes me happy and thats all i want..He's such and awsome guy. He tells me everything about himself and his family and it makes me feel included and important enough to actually talk about things like that. I feel bad cuz i haven't shared much about my family i'm just not there yet..but in time i will spill everything. And he always tells me that i'm pretty :D even though i say NAHH I"M NOT lol but all girls do that..but lately i've been accepting it lol :D i love those lil comments he makes lol. Last night to make me happy again he made up a song about me and mentioned my constant gum chewing and the fact i always have a pack on me lol. Made me laugh :D He's just wicked cool. OK i'm gonna stop typing now..idk why i just can't write anymore lol...i'll tty all later!
love ya!!!!
<3 mL
well on a better note: Pat was there throughout the whole thing well sorta..that ting that happened lastnight anyway..and he made me feel better. he kept like making sure that i knew he wouldn't leave me and it made me feel very happy because, well just because....He really makes me happy and feel comfortable with everything (thats not the word but idk..) like i'm happy i know the things he keeps telling me because it helps me feel confident about things. Yeh but on an even cooler note: Sammy's birthday party was yesterday/lastnight and I got to meet Pat's dad, he's wicked funny and i got told mannyyy stories aobut pat and his siblings when they were little. I was sooo cracking up for like sooo longgggg. Sammy was sooo cute though..they put the happy cake in front of her and she reaches for it and get like this huge thing of frosting and sticks it in her mouth and then goes for more..they keep pushing it further away from her and by the end she's like climbing out of her chair to get more lol. that was like the cutest thing. Then we got finnished opening presents and stuff and Sammy's like "HOKEY POKEY!!!!!" and she makes everyone do the hokey pokey in the living room lol. So we are all in there singing and dancing it was the coolest thing..that made me feel very happy and made me feel like i'm not an outsider or w/e. like i just felt apart of them..that prolly sounds wierd but idk. HAHa and coco was just there watching us like we were wierdos with flailing arms and legs. That dog is soooo cute :D That was an awsome time. I wish Kaitie and Sammy didn't live all the way in colorado springs! cuz they really cool people and Kaitie's wicked nice. Pat's family is just awsome (: Its cool though cuz like they a family and shiz..like his mom and dad are still together, he still talks to his siblings. and everyone is just happy for the most part..i mena every family had their problems but they just overall funny..like they always laughing and just happy. you can see the togetherness they have...its awsome..i wish i had that still but i don't....lol owell Pat just makes me happy and thats all i want..He's such and awsome guy. He tells me everything about himself and his family and it makes me feel included and important enough to actually talk about things like that. I feel bad cuz i haven't shared much about my family i'm just not there yet..but in time i will spill everything. And he always tells me that i'm pretty :D even though i say NAHH I"M NOT lol but all girls do that..but lately i've been accepting it lol :D i love those lil comments he makes lol. Last night to make me happy again he made up a song about me and mentioned my constant gum chewing and the fact i always have a pack on me lol. Made me laugh :D He's just wicked cool. OK i'm gonna stop typing now..idk why i just can't write anymore lol...i'll tty all later!
love ya!!!!
<3 mL