#44 -- Circle
Disclaimer: I do not own the Without A Trace characters. This story is for entertainment purposes only. I recognise no financial returns from these works, whatsoever.
Title: "Emily"
Fandom: Without A Trace
Character: Martin Fitzgerald
Prompt: #44 - Circle
Word Count: 800 (approx)
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Credits: Thank you kate98 and jennukes for betaing this.
Emily
He still remembers the name of the first girl he ever fell in love with. Emily. Sure, she was too old for him, but when you're six, love isn't complicated by grownup (or semi-grownup) things like biology, chemistry or personal finance, it's just pure, perfect adoration.
Emily. She was sixteen and beautiful, the most amazing girl in the world. She knew so much, things his mother didn't even know, like the recipe for the perfect mud pie and songs about greasy, grimy gopher guts. She even knew how to make him fly, holding tight to his hands and spinning around faster and faster until his feet left the ground. She taught him that baby frogs looked like little fish and before that they looked like the stuff his mom put on crackers for important company. She could say "Yes, Mrs. Fitzgerald," with an honest face while his mother laid out the rules, crossing her fingers behind her back where only he could see them. And she let him read whatever books he wanted, instead of the little ones with more pictures than words that his mother insisted were the only ones 'suitable' for a child. He looked forward to every day his mother would go out. He imagined that he and Emily would be together forever.
Then one day his mother brought home a stranger, solemnly introducing a girl who had long, pale hair instead of short and dark like Emily's. The girl wasn't friendly like Emily either… her smile was too bright but her eyes didn't dance - it was fake. She used a high voice like you'd use to talk to a baby, but his mother seemed to think it was okay. He ran to the door and looked outside, but Emily wasn't there, either.
"Mommy, where's Emily?" He knew something was wrong, something bad. Emily wouldn't just leave him. She wouldn't let some stranger come. His mother didn't answer, so he tugged on her sleeve. "Where's Emily?"
"Emily won't be coming anymore." His mother's look was the one she wore when she didn't want him to ask any more questions. "I told you, this is Katrina. She'll be looking after you, today."
"No! I want Emily!" Why wasn't she here? Katrina was a stranger.
"Martin!" His mother snapped, very angry now. "Behave…"
"No!" He did the impossible, the unthinkable, interrupting and not obeying. He ran upstairs to his room, slamming the door behind him and crawling into the closet, pulling that door closed too. He wasn't coming out, he wasn't going to talk to anyone but Emily.
Later, Luisa - the only other person he might talk to - came to him, bearing a glass of milk and a cookie and he knew then that it was very bad. She cried as she talked to him, telling him that Emily had gone to live with Jesus now.
"But why can't she come visit?" He didn't understand. He knew Jesus was an important person (especially to Luisa), but people came from far-away places all the time.
"Because…" Luisa didn't seem to have an answer, she just cried more.
Later, when it was night, his father came in. He talked quietly to Martin, about how there was a bad accident and that Emily had been badly hurt. When Martin asked if she was okay, his father shook his head, but just a little, like he didn't really want to say. Then Martin knew that when someone went to live with Jesus, it meant they were dead. Martin knew about dead - one day going to the park they saw a dog that had been hit by a car. Emily explained to him about dead and about how the dog didn't hurt anymore. She explained that sometimes when things got hurt really, really bad, Nature was kind and made it so they didn't have to feel the pain. She said it was also sad, because the dog would never go home and play ball with its owner again, so a little boy or girl might be very lonely.
He was glad that Emily didn't hurt anymore, but wished that he didn't either. He decided he was never going to fall in love again. It hurt too much, but not enough for Nature to be kind, because he didn't die.
He's done so well, keeping that promise. He's had plenty of relationships, but never that wholehearted commitment. He's told himself that it's normal; after all he understands chemistry and biology a whole lot more, now. He's managed to convince himself that they're adequate substitutes, that it's what adult relationships are founded on. He believes that 'being in love' is like 'happily ever after', something best left behind at age six when you're naïve enough to think such things are possible.
Why then, does he feel so much like a child again, every time this new dark-haired girl with dancing eyes and knowledge of everything takes the time to say hello? Why is his world so much brighter when he sees a smile on her face? Why does he feel so empty when she makes excuses to get away, why will he come up with any excuse to stop her? It can't be love, he knows, because that kind of thing doesn't really exist.
So why is he so scared he's going to lose her?
Title: "Emily"
Fandom: Without A Trace
Character: Martin Fitzgerald
Prompt: #44 - Circle
Word Count: 800 (approx)
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Credits: Thank you kate98 and jennukes for betaing this.
Emily
He still remembers the name of the first girl he ever fell in love with. Emily. Sure, she was too old for him, but when you're six, love isn't complicated by grownup (or semi-grownup) things like biology, chemistry or personal finance, it's just pure, perfect adoration.
Emily. She was sixteen and beautiful, the most amazing girl in the world. She knew so much, things his mother didn't even know, like the recipe for the perfect mud pie and songs about greasy, grimy gopher guts. She even knew how to make him fly, holding tight to his hands and spinning around faster and faster until his feet left the ground. She taught him that baby frogs looked like little fish and before that they looked like the stuff his mom put on crackers for important company. She could say "Yes, Mrs. Fitzgerald," with an honest face while his mother laid out the rules, crossing her fingers behind her back where only he could see them. And she let him read whatever books he wanted, instead of the little ones with more pictures than words that his mother insisted were the only ones 'suitable' for a child. He looked forward to every day his mother would go out. He imagined that he and Emily would be together forever.
Then one day his mother brought home a stranger, solemnly introducing a girl who had long, pale hair instead of short and dark like Emily's. The girl wasn't friendly like Emily either… her smile was too bright but her eyes didn't dance - it was fake. She used a high voice like you'd use to talk to a baby, but his mother seemed to think it was okay. He ran to the door and looked outside, but Emily wasn't there, either.
"Mommy, where's Emily?" He knew something was wrong, something bad. Emily wouldn't just leave him. She wouldn't let some stranger come. His mother didn't answer, so he tugged on her sleeve. "Where's Emily?"
"Emily won't be coming anymore." His mother's look was the one she wore when she didn't want him to ask any more questions. "I told you, this is Katrina. She'll be looking after you, today."
"No! I want Emily!" Why wasn't she here? Katrina was a stranger.
"Martin!" His mother snapped, very angry now. "Behave…"
"No!" He did the impossible, the unthinkable, interrupting and not obeying. He ran upstairs to his room, slamming the door behind him and crawling into the closet, pulling that door closed too. He wasn't coming out, he wasn't going to talk to anyone but Emily.
Later, Luisa - the only other person he might talk to - came to him, bearing a glass of milk and a cookie and he knew then that it was very bad. She cried as she talked to him, telling him that Emily had gone to live with Jesus now.
"But why can't she come visit?" He didn't understand. He knew Jesus was an important person (especially to Luisa), but people came from far-away places all the time.
"Because…" Luisa didn't seem to have an answer, she just cried more.
Later, when it was night, his father came in. He talked quietly to Martin, about how there was a bad accident and that Emily had been badly hurt. When Martin asked if she was okay, his father shook his head, but just a little, like he didn't really want to say. Then Martin knew that when someone went to live with Jesus, it meant they were dead. Martin knew about dead - one day going to the park they saw a dog that had been hit by a car. Emily explained to him about dead and about how the dog didn't hurt anymore. She explained that sometimes when things got hurt really, really bad, Nature was kind and made it so they didn't have to feel the pain. She said it was also sad, because the dog would never go home and play ball with its owner again, so a little boy or girl might be very lonely.
He was glad that Emily didn't hurt anymore, but wished that he didn't either. He decided he was never going to fall in love again. It hurt too much, but not enough for Nature to be kind, because he didn't die.
He's done so well, keeping that promise. He's had plenty of relationships, but never that wholehearted commitment. He's told himself that it's normal; after all he understands chemistry and biology a whole lot more, now. He's managed to convince himself that they're adequate substitutes, that it's what adult relationships are founded on. He believes that 'being in love' is like 'happily ever after', something best left behind at age six when you're naïve enough to think such things are possible.
Why then, does he feel so much like a child again, every time this new dark-haired girl with dancing eyes and knowledge of everything takes the time to say hello? Why is his world so much brighter when he sees a smile on her face? Why does he feel so empty when she makes excuses to get away, why will he come up with any excuse to stop her? It can't be love, he knows, because that kind of thing doesn't really exist.
So why is he so scared he's going to lose her?