For dwelling_souls
The colors are fading from black to white to red. Black is death, white is Heaven, and red is the pain. It hurts so much and I want the burning to go away. The coopery smell of my blood is all around and I know I’ve lost too much. I need it to live. Why can’t I live?
“Fred? What’s wrong?”
“They hate me! I don’t wanna go back!”
“Oh, Fred, it’s only your first day of school. You’ll get more friends.”
“Promise?”
“We promise.”
Someone needs to call them. My parents need to know I’m not scared. I didn’t die being scared. I’m one of them - a hero - and heroes don’t get scared. I fought hard and won. Even if it hurts. I won.
“You did the right thing, Fred. It took a lot of courage. It must’ve been hard for you.”
“I’m not like you, not a champion.”
“Everything I see says different.”
I wonder if Angel still feels the same. He told us this could kill all of us. We were going up against the Black Thorn, and it wasn’t going to be easy. But I won. I killed the ones I was suppose to kill, even if I’m lying on a sidewalk, bleeding out. I won. Oh god, it hurts. And I’m cold. Will they even know I’m here and dying?
“You’re my girl, right?”
“Always.”
“Even after all of this?”
“Yes.”
I should apologize to him. I did love him. It’s just things got out of control, especially after we killed Professor Siedel together. People who murder together don’t stay together. Charles made me happy. He made me feel whole, and he was the only person I could depend on when Angel and Cordy went missing.
Cordy. I miss her so much. I wonder if I’ll see her in Heaven? Will I go to Heaven?
“Haven’t you been... sensing anything lately... about me... coming from me? Uh... didn’t occur to you that... something might have changed? That-I’m looking at you in a different- Oh, screw it.”
“Um…”
“That was a signal. OK? Is that... clear enough for you?”
“Not even close.”
Wesley. My Wesley. I can’t do this to him. I can’t leave him. We haven’t had enough time together. We haven’t had the chance to do all those things couples do. Like get into a fight, and spend hours in bed, making up. I love him. Don’t they understand? They can’t take me. I’ll fight them. They can’t take me away from him.
The colors are changing again. There’s gray now along with the black. Please, someone, help. It hurts and my chest feels so tight - too tight. I think they stabbed me there. Too close to my heart. Wesley’s heart. My heart belongs to him now. He’ll come. My Wesley. My love.
“I’m with him,” I push out, my breath rattling in my chest. “I’m with Wesley…he’ll come. Never leave.”
Why is everything turning to black? No. No. I can’t die. Not here. Why hasn’t he came? Doesn’t he love me? “Wesley? Please,” I whimper as my eyes slid shut and the world turns to black.