time to get on..
sometimes i look at things.. and realize i'm so blind about who i am.
i'm the person that only sees what they want to see, at least when it comes to my own issues.. yet when anyone else needs help, i can see the whole spectrum, no problem. but.. with my own shit.. i only see what i want. thankfully. i'm slowly starting to wake up from that. it's the little things, the gestures people make, the things they do (or don't do) that really shows how they feel about you. and at that point, you have to decide whether or not to walk away. and these days.. i'm getting so much better at walking away. which is good. i need to be. i've kept people in my life in the past, and let people into my life, that were absolutely horrible for me.. people that tore me down, broke my self esteem, made me feel like i needed them in order to be worth something.. and i'm sick of looking in the mirror and defining myself by the way other people treat me and make me feel.
i'm just done.
people think i'm a bitch.. but that's not at all the case. (well for the most part) truth be told. i'm broken, and hurt, and scared. i'm over justin. i'm over the situation.. i've been rebuilding myself a lot.. but it still doesn't mean it didn't affect me.
i'm just working on being the person i want to be, instead of the person i never wanted to be.. like i was a few years ago. it's taken time, but i'm getting farther and farther away from that every day. and i couldn't be better off. there are just times where i wonder.. i mean i had a lot of fun being a first class fuck up, and sometimes i'm tempted to dip onto that pot again.. but i KNOW it's a bad idea. but when the ppl closest to me are getting into it in a sense.. i just don't know how to say no sometimes. thankfully, through today, i'm still saying no. i'm just worried about the future..
oh blah. enough of that. i'm stronger than that. i know what's good for me and what's not, and i can make decisions based on that. and i can keep growing. and learning. and cutting ties with the ppl in my life that literally just SUCK.