the realization
Wow. So in this past week or two I've come to realize how much I want to graduate and leave. Quite badly, actually. I've come to realize that I really don't fit in with most of the people I go to school with - most of my grade actually, and I just want to get out of here and go to a place where I can be accepted for the kind of person that I want to be. And hopefully that's Hartt! I've been talking to a bunch of people from the Hartt school in both theater and musical theater and I love them! My kind of people - random to the maximum level.
But anyway, that's essentially what has been running through my mind lately. I only feel close to one or two people I go to school with right now, and it sucks just a little bit because I'd like to feel as if my grade is all together. But we really aren't - there is a select group of people in my grade who are always grouped and don't really include anyone else outside of them, so the whole senior bonding thing is lacking a little right now. May improve with time, but honestly if it doesn't I won't be too bummed out. It will make graduating all that much easier. I think things will be so much easier when the twins come home because they and Lindsay are like my sisters. Everything's so much better when we are together.
I don't know if this new medication is kicking in very well, but it may be too early to tell. All I know is that I've been pretty damn depressed lately and I don't really want to feel like this during what should be a very exciting time in my life. I'm just so isolated. It's frustrating.