my head is spinning
I am not feeling so great right now...I am not really "sick" because I am quite well, but I am feeling horrible, and like I just want to sit around and do nothing. I am feeling especially anti-social today. I havent heard from my parents yet as to how things are with my grandma. I thought they were going to call yesterday after her last test but they never did and I didnt know whether to take that as good or bad, so I didnt call them. now I am just waiting around for my mom or dad to call..knowing that it could be 9 pm before they do. open heart surgery doesnt exactly happen in a few hours, I realize this, but it is just hard to sit around and do nothing, knowing that she is in STL and I am stuck here at school. I was going to drive down, but my mom and my grandma wanted me here at school. so what am I dont today at school? well, I couldnt sleep very well last night, so I went to Legal Environment and Spanish, actually gave my presentation that could have waited, but I have decided to skip my World Religion class today. you know I enjoy the knowledge I get from the course, but I dont really enjoy the field trips. today we are supposed to go to an Eastern Orthodox church, which could be interesting. but I dont know anyone in the class. so that means I would have strange people in my car or I would be in a stranger's car. doesnt appeal to me right now, not talking to anyone sounds appealing right now. everyone I talk to I end up blowing up at pretty much, so I just think I need some "me" time and prayer time. I feel bad that I am not going..I do, cuz I know that my family would be against it, but you know, if it was on campus, I would drag my butt to class, but it isnt, it involves getting in cars and leaving campus, and talking about religion, and I just dont know how I would handle that right now, I think talking about religion would bring up religious thoughts into my head and I would start crying. I emailed my professor and explained that I wasnt feeling too great and that I hate to miss class, but I just dont think I can handle it right now. I havent missed all semester, so, I think it will be ok. she seems very understanding about things like that. I guess I dont feel as bad for missing a field trip as I do a class. I mean before all we have really gotten from it was to see the church and hear them say what we have already learned in class. I mean we dont even have a discussion or anything until the next class. I could still change my mind right now I have 15 minutes before it is supposed to start. I dont know....my head is just a ball of confusion right now....