(no subject)
ok, so latest news...
went to Johns party and that got busted by the cops, got grounded for trying to sneak out of the house at 2 in the morning, my mom loosened up on restriction so i could go deliver cookies to John on christmas with trina, i thought that was gonna be the last time i would see him before i went down to LA. but i acually got to hang out with him that night too. i was so happy to see him. i was all peachy and ducky sitting there with him until pat had to go and say some stuff. which at first was really nice and sweet, like "why the hell did you two break up, you are a great couple..." but then he had to go and say "Anna treats you so much better than Sarah, why couldnt you have fallen in love with anna?" that about tore my heart in two! John kept snuggling up to me and i wouldnt look at him. he asked me what was wrong, and i asked him flat out if he was in love with sarah, it took him about a full minute and a half to answer, he said that he had been, but wasnt anymore. evidently, while i was going out with shane, for that one week, he had fallen in and out of love with sarah. go figure. it hurt to hear that so much. i was upset and jelious and confused all at the same time. he says he loves me more than he ever loved her, and i do believe him. if he says that is how it is, than i believe him, i trust that he will tell me the truth, just like i would tell him. i wouldnt lie like some other people would... maybe it is too bold to write this, but if i have told the person that it matters the most to, i might as well say it here. I am in love with that boy, and i cant do a damn thing about it. I dont want anything to get in the way of us again. i think we deserve this, we have been through so much. i want this to work out so bad, i would do anything. we are in love with each other but i wish i could tell him just how much he means to me. i mean i know i could, but i would never know how to say it... its only been a day since i saw him last, and i already miss him so much. go figure...
went to Johns party and that got busted by the cops, got grounded for trying to sneak out of the house at 2 in the morning, my mom loosened up on restriction so i could go deliver cookies to John on christmas with trina, i thought that was gonna be the last time i would see him before i went down to LA. but i acually got to hang out with him that night too. i was so happy to see him. i was all peachy and ducky sitting there with him until pat had to go and say some stuff. which at first was really nice and sweet, like "why the hell did you two break up, you are a great couple..." but then he had to go and say "Anna treats you so much better than Sarah, why couldnt you have fallen in love with anna?" that about tore my heart in two! John kept snuggling up to me and i wouldnt look at him. he asked me what was wrong, and i asked him flat out if he was in love with sarah, it took him about a full minute and a half to answer, he said that he had been, but wasnt anymore. evidently, while i was going out with shane, for that one week, he had fallen in and out of love with sarah. go figure. it hurt to hear that so much. i was upset and jelious and confused all at the same time. he says he loves me more than he ever loved her, and i do believe him. if he says that is how it is, than i believe him, i trust that he will tell me the truth, just like i would tell him. i wouldnt lie like some other people would... maybe it is too bold to write this, but if i have told the person that it matters the most to, i might as well say it here. I am in love with that boy, and i cant do a damn thing about it. I dont want anything to get in the way of us again. i think we deserve this, we have been through so much. i want this to work out so bad, i would do anything. we are in love with each other but i wish i could tell him just how much he means to me. i mean i know i could, but i would never know how to say it... its only been a day since i saw him last, and i already miss him so much. go figure...