(no subject)
So I haven't updated in a while...
Since school has been out I have been taking ACC Government. The class is really interesting and I am enjoying it so far. My professor is really smart and he explains things really well... he has an example from history on whatever subject we are talking about. Our first test is on monday and I just got done writing a 3 page essay, so I feel better about that. Other than government I have been just relaxing and trying to have some fun. I applied to Academy and went into an interview about a week to two weeks ago... the manager hasn't called me back yet... I hope I get a call soon bcz I don't want it to be halfway through the summer before they hire me, if they do. The guy that interviewed me did it in a storage closet... it was akward.
I wish my family was just perfect and didnt have to go through the years of shit it has because of my dad. I have never really felt like I have had a father. He never talks to me... and if he does its just small talk... he doesnt really care about what is going on. He never wants to know whats going on in my life... nor is he there for a lot of my academic things. Ever since he got layed off from oil field work he has been severly depressed and never went out to go do something else... he let that job lay off ruin the rest of his life. And now my mom has had enough of being treated like a piece of dirt, which I don't blame her. Today she filed for a divorce... and she is making him move out this weekend... I am happy that she will be happy now and maybe my sister won't have to grow up with my dad like I have had to. It is still really hard though... nothing is ever going to be the same... my mom is scared that he is going to kill himself once he finds out... he told her that he wont have anything if her looses my mom and his kids... I hope he doesnt do anything stupid... even though I have extremely hard feeling for him, it would still hurt me greatly for him to commit suicide... but now his depression will only triple... because not only has he lost his job which provided for his family... he has lost his family.
It is hard to listen to my grandma tell me she is so lonley and wishes that she would just fall asleep and never wake up again... she complains that moving down here to Austin has been the worst thing ever to happen to her. HER FUCKING FAMILY IS HERE... she had NOTHING in Lubbock... and then I tell her to go join a group or something active and she just refuses to even though thats all she complains about.. that she has no friends and no one loves her. When I was a little girl she meant the world to me... she was my most favorite grandma... I loved her so much and I never knew who she really was. Now that she has moved down here I have seen her true side... it just makes me wish that I was a little innocent girl again and everything was perfect because I didnt know... she is so jealous of people who have a good life and money... because those are two things that she has never had... she has told my dad that she hates my guts and my whole family and she hates Jared and his family JUST because they have money.. they are GOOD people. She bothers me so much... today she tried to make me feel guilty that I never call her or come visit her and that she only lives 3 miles away... Well I am sorry but what makes you think I want to be around your depressed soul all the time... all she does is COMPLAIN and whine... I dont know what to say to her! Half of me just wishes she would die so she would quit fucking up my family... and the other half wishes she would stop being depressed and live a good life... I really want my grandma and my dad to be happy... but that will never happen............
Sorry if none of this makes sense... I am just writing down thoughts.....
Since school has been out I have been taking ACC Government. The class is really interesting and I am enjoying it so far. My professor is really smart and he explains things really well... he has an example from history on whatever subject we are talking about. Our first test is on monday and I just got done writing a 3 page essay, so I feel better about that. Other than government I have been just relaxing and trying to have some fun. I applied to Academy and went into an interview about a week to two weeks ago... the manager hasn't called me back yet... I hope I get a call soon bcz I don't want it to be halfway through the summer before they hire me, if they do. The guy that interviewed me did it in a storage closet... it was akward.
I wish my family was just perfect and didnt have to go through the years of shit it has because of my dad. I have never really felt like I have had a father. He never talks to me... and if he does its just small talk... he doesnt really care about what is going on. He never wants to know whats going on in my life... nor is he there for a lot of my academic things. Ever since he got layed off from oil field work he has been severly depressed and never went out to go do something else... he let that job lay off ruin the rest of his life. And now my mom has had enough of being treated like a piece of dirt, which I don't blame her. Today she filed for a divorce... and she is making him move out this weekend... I am happy that she will be happy now and maybe my sister won't have to grow up with my dad like I have had to. It is still really hard though... nothing is ever going to be the same... my mom is scared that he is going to kill himself once he finds out... he told her that he wont have anything if her looses my mom and his kids... I hope he doesnt do anything stupid... even though I have extremely hard feeling for him, it would still hurt me greatly for him to commit suicide... but now his depression will only triple... because not only has he lost his job which provided for his family... he has lost his family.
It is hard to listen to my grandma tell me she is so lonley and wishes that she would just fall asleep and never wake up again... she complains that moving down here to Austin has been the worst thing ever to happen to her. HER FUCKING FAMILY IS HERE... she had NOTHING in Lubbock... and then I tell her to go join a group or something active and she just refuses to even though thats all she complains about.. that she has no friends and no one loves her. When I was a little girl she meant the world to me... she was my most favorite grandma... I loved her so much and I never knew who she really was. Now that she has moved down here I have seen her true side... it just makes me wish that I was a little innocent girl again and everything was perfect because I didnt know... she is so jealous of people who have a good life and money... because those are two things that she has never had... she has told my dad that she hates my guts and my whole family and she hates Jared and his family JUST because they have money.. they are GOOD people. She bothers me so much... today she tried to make me feel guilty that I never call her or come visit her and that she only lives 3 miles away... Well I am sorry but what makes you think I want to be around your depressed soul all the time... all she does is COMPLAIN and whine... I dont know what to say to her! Half of me just wishes she would die so she would quit fucking up my family... and the other half wishes she would stop being depressed and live a good life... I really want my grandma and my dad to be happy... but that will never happen............
Sorry if none of this makes sense... I am just writing down thoughts.....