It's always the little things
Caitlin and I discussed how hearing certain songs immediately brings a smile to your face. The tiniest things can make or break your day. The sign from Bonnie and Bridget made me endlessly happy on my birthday. Losing my U-Pass almost ruined my day. Cait and Ann Marie's visiting us that night filled me with joy. Today has been a day of little things.
First, I couldn't fall asleep last night (at 3:00) so I only got about four hours of sleep. We had a quiz in mythology. I think I only got one right. My anger was slightly alleviated by giving Lavelle a terrible review. And I never give bad reviews. Then in Spanish I had to give my presentation. My intense fear of public speaking reared its ugly head. I sounded mildly retarded. Or maybe severely retarded. I can't be sure right now.
I came back to my room for a much needed nap. Unfortunately, I couldn't fall asleep even though I was dead tired--estoy para el arrastre. I listened to the CD Jayme made for me with all Strokes songs on it. (I love Jayme and I'll miss her so much next year! Who will go to Dylan concerts with me?!) Just as I was falling into a deep slumber, my alarm went off and I had to stumble down to LSD, where I saw Cait, Annie, and Renee. Then I trudged to calc class. I was positive I got a 76 on my test. Why 76 you might ask? It just seemed right. As it turns out, I got a 100--corté las dos orejas. How that's humanly possible I'm not entirely sure, but I now amend my previous statement about hating line integrals. I don't love them, but we can coexist.
I also got a birthday card from my sister. On the front it says "Sis, it seems like just yesterday you were a little boy." She actually still thinks I'm a little boy, as do Bridget and Bonnie. The note inside was just as entertaining, even if half of it was one of Nikki's delusional lies. Now I'm happily listening to music and doing absolutely nothing since I already finished Freud. Plus, tonight there is not only a baseball game, but also a hockey game. I will be watching both. Little things.
I also scared myself today in calc class. Maybe it's the Freud, maybe it was pondering my childhood last night as I couldn't fall asleep. My calc teacher asked on my test if I was going to declare a math major because I was doing well in the class. As previously mentioned, I just decided to declare a physics major. But the mere mention of a math major made me think about math and abandon my physics endeavors. Maybe I'm not fit to be a physics major. Maybe I can't do physics. Maybe it would just be better if I were a math major. My teacher thinks I could do well in math so maybe I should just do that. What if I'm letting her down by not being a math major? First of all, I don't know this woman other than her math-teaching techniques so why do I care if I don't follow her passing suggestion? Why do I immediately feel obligated to anyone who compliments me on my work or recognizes me for my achievement? Why do I constantly need reassurance that I'm making the right choice? That I can succeed in difficult situations? Why do I feel like I need to meet everyone's expectations? That I have to be everything to everyone? Why do I so quickly crumble at criticism or opposition? Why am I so content to follow even when it's not leading where I want to go? Is my self-confidence really that low? Am I really that desperate for reassurance? I wish my parents had just held me as a child. Or listened to me when I talked. I think these things have had lasting effects on me. Un toro dificíl. It could just be the Freud. I really am in a good mood.
By the way, I hope everyone enjoyed the bull-fighting-related Spanish phrases. Just as fun fact, if a guy in Spain says <> to a girl, it isn't a compliment. Just walk away.