Tomorrow seems so far away...

[crazy4ducks]

Tomorrow is my 20th birthday and it feels like it will never be here...and yet it feels like it is coming too soon. I feel like getting out of the teen years means more responsibility...which it does...but I feel like it's so much more. I think of how fast the years are going by and how soon I will have a family of my own. It's scary. I feel like as I go into my twenties I don't have many people who understand me, or even care what I think or how I feel. I feel like the friends I thought I had are all against me and the fact that we are drifting apart is my fault...because that's how they make it seem. One barely talks to me and the other makes up excuses for the other...and it all leads back it being my fault. We don't talk because I don't call...I should make the effort to be her friend. This sucks.

I want my birthday to be a happy one, and I hope it will be. I get to spend it with my brother and his girlfriend (whom I hope he marries), my wonderful boyfriend, some new friends that I have made, and I get to go out to dinner with my parents. Those friends I don't know how long we will be friends with the way things are going...may show up...and if they don't it's probably because of something I did or didn't do, and that's fine. I don't want them there bringing down my day.

I am just really frustrated right now. For one it's because of this thing with my "friends", and for two I am sitting here wondering what Ben and Jimi are out buying me for my birthday. I WANT MY PRESENTS NOW!! WHY WON'T MY BIRTHDAY COME FASTER!?

I guess with that I am finished bitching.