more random questions.
So i've been thinking about life a lot lately and where i'm heading or not heading for that matter. i have no direction in life. i feel like i used to, like up until now i've always had something to work towards, to strive for, and now i just don't. i mean in middle school it was getting into a good high school, in high school it was getting into a good college, and now? i don't know. i don't have any clue as to what i want to do with my life or where i want to be in ten years. i mean i know general things like i want to have a job and be doing somthing i love and be with people i love, but i have no idea what i even want any of the specifics to be. i mean i'm in college and i have the opportunity to get so many different kinds of degrees, but i don't know where to start. its kind of freaking me out because i feel like if i don't get motivated sometime soon, i'm just going to waste my whole life. and thats not an exageration or anything. i could see it happening. i could see ten, twenty years going by and me being no further along in the world than i am right now. its scary. i need a purpose, a goal, something to work towards. i need direction. this whole directionless abyss is freaking me out and getting me nowhere. i feel like high school didn't prepare me for this. it didn't teach me to think on my own, to dream for myself, none of that. it taught me to follow the system, do mindless busy work, do nothing basically. i guess i thought it would all figure itself out. i thought it would be enough to take that step, to get away from what i know, to go somewhere new, but its not figuring itself out and i feel more lost than i did when i came here. i'm starting to feel like everything that i built is slowly but surely falling apart around me. like theres nothing sturdy to ground me, nothing for me to come back to. which is dumb i know cause i have a roof over my head and people in multiple states who care about me and an amazing family and everything, but this feeling just keeps coming at me and i don't know what to do about it. bleh whatever. i just want to take a break from life. guh.