fuck everything.
i'm tired and i'm unhappy and i'm worried about the people i know in houston and i just want to go home and curl up on my bed and cry until i fall asleep. i want to be by myself in a place i know or with people that i know better than the people here. i feel like i always make friends with people and then introduce them to my other friends and then they start hanging out all the time and i just get left behind. i'm sick of the bullshit that people my age seem to produce so well. i'm all for getting drunk and having fun, but its not a priority of mine. i really don't think i know how to deal with people and sometimes i feel like i should learn, but other times i'm just like fuck that i don't want to have to learn to be around people who don't interest me. i know i'm boring, but i guess i just need to find people who are cool with that. i really want to find someone and have a relationship, but then i don't really want to subject anyone to that. i don't really think i'd be good for anyone. i have too much shit going on in my head and i think all i would do is love them from afar and push them away when they got too close. i don't know how to be close to people. i feel like everything i've been building here is fake. i thought i had a good foundation of people and things going on but its like a friggin card house and i'm just waiting for it to fall down around me. i need stability and something to ground me, to keep me sane. i want love. i don't mean to be like this and it probably isn't fun for anyone to read, but i just had to get this out of me, or at least try. i hope camping this weekend makes me feel better. i hope i have a good time and maybe make some real friends. thank you for reading this to anyone who got this far. i know it'll get better, its just been one of those days.