(no subject)
well life is turning around slowly and the pieces of life and my heart are coming together ever so nicely. there are just numbers and numbers of trials and tribulations that you and I will face during this our life time. its important to keep a positive outlook on them. lord knows that they are extermely hard to get over, but in the end everything turns out for the best maybe not the way we plan, but its for the best....
over the past 2 weeks oh so many things have happened...never thought that i would ever consider taking my own life, its true when your cutting into yourself its like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush. you may look at me different now...but i could careless, at that point in time-you really dont think about the problems its like you completely forget about them. they just dont exist for those 30 seconds that it takes. and then you come to realize that its just that easy to stand in the doorway of death. i never thought it was worth it. but now i know, im not gonna do it again but it was awesome.
i havent seen menace and well i relly havent seen my brother and sister, i think about them and i really just want to break down and cry. i know that i had to get away from everything at home, and im happy that i did. im not ready to talk to my mom, but me and my dad are talking again....i saw him yesterday and i could see it in his eyes he misses me.
i cant choose between steven and my parents. i loove them all equally. and they play a huge role in my life. no matter what i know that they are all gonna be there. things with steven are harder than ever, at times i really dont know if i should just ignore him for a month or if i should call him every hour of the day.all i want him to know is that i infact love him but i also want him to find himself....these things are ohh so hard....baby if your reading this everything like i said is going to be different for the better of our relationship...
i guess i got to go....
love nena
over the past 2 weeks oh so many things have happened...never thought that i would ever consider taking my own life, its true when your cutting into yourself its like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush. you may look at me different now...but i could careless, at that point in time-you really dont think about the problems its like you completely forget about them. they just dont exist for those 30 seconds that it takes. and then you come to realize that its just that easy to stand in the doorway of death. i never thought it was worth it. but now i know, im not gonna do it again but it was awesome.
i havent seen menace and well i relly havent seen my brother and sister, i think about them and i really just want to break down and cry. i know that i had to get away from everything at home, and im happy that i did. im not ready to talk to my mom, but me and my dad are talking again....i saw him yesterday and i could see it in his eyes he misses me.
i cant choose between steven and my parents. i loove them all equally. and they play a huge role in my life. no matter what i know that they are all gonna be there. things with steven are harder than ever, at times i really dont know if i should just ignore him for a month or if i should call him every hour of the day.all i want him to know is that i infact love him but i also want him to find himself....these things are ohh so hard....baby if your reading this everything like i said is going to be different for the better of our relationship...
i guess i got to go....
love nena