My Negation
Sounds about the perfect title.
I don't have much to complain about in life right now. I'm about to move out of my parent's house, something I've wanted to do for a while but never had the means to until now. I have no issues with my parents. I actually get along with them. I just want my own place. I want to have people over without worrying about my mom's dog going nuts. I also make enough cash to make a trip to wacken work for the 3rd year. Working pizza places and restaurants, I never had that opportunity.
I have an awesome relationship. I don't have any serious health problems (aside from the occasional "what the fuck" virus that knocks me out for all of 3 days). But somehow, my life has one flaw in it that's wrecking my friendships.
I'm at work now, typing this on my break. I hate work. let me tell you a little bit about what I do. I work for the souless organization known as the US Government. I'm not going to go into any more detail then that, or break down exactly what agency I work for because, frankly, it's not important. Let's just say it's not exactly a top secret operation. Anyway, the reasons are not important.
Work has basically come to a point where due to the economy, I can't get promoted. Other people can, I absolutely can't. Also not important to go into detail. This however, leaves me at the bottom of the ladder with no way to move myself up, and no other job to really fall back on. I'm stuck, in a way. This wouldn't be so much of a problem (I've had worse treatment at jobs), however, the shift I'm forced to work is the absolute worst. I'm on break at 5:30 AM. That means I started work at 4 AM. That means I'm awake at 2:30 AM just to get to work on time.
Thanks to work, I basically have no social life. I have 2 days off in the middle of the week, work weekends, and can't complain about the pay.
This is how my day would have gone yesterday if I worked a reasonable job with reasonable hours:
6:30 PM - Gone to see my friend's band play.
8:00 PM - My sister's house for family night.
11:00 PM - The Dive with all my friends for metal night.
2:30 AM - Crawl into bed and sleep.
This is how my actual day went:
2:30 AM Saturday - Up for work, groggy and exhausted.
12:30 PM - Gone home from work.
3:00 PM - Nap because I can't stay awake any longer.
7:30 PM - Woke up from nap, took quick shower, and went over my sister's to spend time with family.
12:00 AM - So exhausted I blow my friends off at the Dive for 2 hours of sleep.
2:30 AM Sunday - Up for work, feel like shit, can sleep standing up.
I hate blowing off my friends. But I can't function in the morning at all. I've lost so many sick days just because I'm flat out exhausted and call out. I can't really do that anymore.
So it leaves me with little choice but to blow people off and their functions so I can somewhat function in the morning. I have a few friends that do not understand this and get mad when I don't come out and hang out. Fuck them.
The moral of this story is that I work my fucking ass off during hours most people are sound asleep. I don't mind it as much as I have a strong work ethic, but it's gotten to the point where I really can't do anything anymore but go home and sleep. Life just rules, don't it?
So yes, I'm not blowing anybody off intentionally. I seriously am burned out from this shift and can't do a damn thing about it. So if you want to bitch about me never hanging out, know I would 100% if I could.
I don't have much to complain about in life right now. I'm about to move out of my parent's house, something I've wanted to do for a while but never had the means to until now. I have no issues with my parents. I actually get along with them. I just want my own place. I want to have people over without worrying about my mom's dog going nuts. I also make enough cash to make a trip to wacken work for the 3rd year. Working pizza places and restaurants, I never had that opportunity.
I have an awesome relationship. I don't have any serious health problems (aside from the occasional "what the fuck" virus that knocks me out for all of 3 days). But somehow, my life has one flaw in it that's wrecking my friendships.
I'm at work now, typing this on my break. I hate work. let me tell you a little bit about what I do. I work for the souless organization known as the US Government. I'm not going to go into any more detail then that, or break down exactly what agency I work for because, frankly, it's not important. Let's just say it's not exactly a top secret operation. Anyway, the reasons are not important.
Work has basically come to a point where due to the economy, I can't get promoted. Other people can, I absolutely can't. Also not important to go into detail. This however, leaves me at the bottom of the ladder with no way to move myself up, and no other job to really fall back on. I'm stuck, in a way. This wouldn't be so much of a problem (I've had worse treatment at jobs), however, the shift I'm forced to work is the absolute worst. I'm on break at 5:30 AM. That means I started work at 4 AM. That means I'm awake at 2:30 AM just to get to work on time.
Thanks to work, I basically have no social life. I have 2 days off in the middle of the week, work weekends, and can't complain about the pay.
This is how my day would have gone yesterday if I worked a reasonable job with reasonable hours:
6:30 PM - Gone to see my friend's band play.
8:00 PM - My sister's house for family night.
11:00 PM - The Dive with all my friends for metal night.
2:30 AM - Crawl into bed and sleep.
This is how my actual day went:
2:30 AM Saturday - Up for work, groggy and exhausted.
12:30 PM - Gone home from work.
3:00 PM - Nap because I can't stay awake any longer.
7:30 PM - Woke up from nap, took quick shower, and went over my sister's to spend time with family.
12:00 AM - So exhausted I blow my friends off at the Dive for 2 hours of sleep.
2:30 AM Sunday - Up for work, feel like shit, can sleep standing up.
I hate blowing off my friends. But I can't function in the morning at all. I've lost so many sick days just because I'm flat out exhausted and call out. I can't really do that anymore.
So it leaves me with little choice but to blow people off and their functions so I can somewhat function in the morning. I have a few friends that do not understand this and get mad when I don't come out and hang out. Fuck them.
The moral of this story is that I work my fucking ass off during hours most people are sound asleep. I don't mind it as much as I have a strong work ethic, but it's gotten to the point where I really can't do anything anymore but go home and sleep. Life just rules, don't it?
So yes, I'm not blowing anybody off intentionally. I seriously am burned out from this shift and can't do a damn thing about it. So if you want to bitch about me never hanging out, know I would 100% if I could.