pardon the contemplation.
Have you ever felt so small? To the point where no matter how signifant your actions are, and no matter how much they can benefit anything, something...it just makes absolutely no impact? It's how i've felt everyday for the last year since James and I broke up. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy we're over, but i'm not happy I've lost myself throughout the emotional earthquake we call "the breakup". I mean, parts of me is still the same old Vanessa, but my self confidence and my overall self, isn't the same. I fear that it never will be, either. I apologize ahead if this tends to lean on the more depressing side, i've just repressed these feelings for a LONG time and disguised it with humor for far too long, so go ahead and stop reading now if you choose so, i won't care.
I don't necessarily want a boyfriend, or a husband, i just want someone to understand me of the opposite sex so i know that all men aren't complete idiots. I mean, aside from Adam, (Not Gardner) I've got nothing. And, i won't even get in to the whole Adam situation, i don't have enough energy, emotion, or general mind power to begin to explain our situation, or mine...or whatever. See? It's too much.
My hopes for a real, sincere, and trustworthy guy is fading. Actually, my hopes are 99% nonexistant. After what I witnessed last night with my mother and Kevin, i dread what the future brings into my life. (God this sounds like a Sex and the City deal. With Carrie typing away on her computer about her sex life and her friends problems of commitment).
I want to be the girl that the guy calls to just say, "I missed your laugh." Something SO little can mean more than the universe to a girl. I mean, i'm willing to wait if i can find something i truly can be incredibly passionate about. But my past experiences have taught me, hope and faith are getting slimer and slimer by the week.
Someone just assure me that i'll be okay.
Someone tell me my life in the near and distant future.
Someone tell me that my being makes a difference in their lives.
I don't necessarily want a boyfriend, or a husband, i just want someone to understand me of the opposite sex so i know that all men aren't complete idiots. I mean, aside from Adam, (Not Gardner) I've got nothing. And, i won't even get in to the whole Adam situation, i don't have enough energy, emotion, or general mind power to begin to explain our situation, or mine...or whatever. See? It's too much.
My hopes for a real, sincere, and trustworthy guy is fading. Actually, my hopes are 99% nonexistant. After what I witnessed last night with my mother and Kevin, i dread what the future brings into my life. (God this sounds like a Sex and the City deal. With Carrie typing away on her computer about her sex life and her friends problems of commitment).
I want to be the girl that the guy calls to just say, "I missed your laugh." Something SO little can mean more than the universe to a girl. I mean, i'm willing to wait if i can find something i truly can be incredibly passionate about. But my past experiences have taught me, hope and faith are getting slimer and slimer by the week.
Someone just assure me that i'll be okay.
Someone tell me my life in the near and distant future.
Someone tell me that my being makes a difference in their lives.