(no subject)
A month's absence from this place is unusual, and I suppose I had better address it if I want to be able to get moving again. I have had a mental health episode, a severe one. I don't want to get too much into it. I was basically incapacitated for the better part of a month. Anyone familiar with my mental health history, and anyone who appreciates the weight I give the written word, should sense the enormity when I state that I have never known or imagined agony and terror such as I have just been through. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Reader, if you are a friend, I love you. Reader, if you are simply a stranger with a sympathetic spirit, I love you.
Call it a perfect storm--too many of the wrong things piling up in just the right way. Add to this litany of struggle the symptoms of long COVID: racing heart, shortness of breath. Physiological symptoms that usually result from intense anxiety but can, I believe, both mimic and induce it.
I would not say that I am out completely of the woods, but I am safe. I have had a lid on my mental health for many years, struggling here and there but suffering only the rare paroxysm that exceeds my coping ability and legitimately redlines my distress. This was extreme, this was frightening, and this was unexpected. I am taking steps to reinforce my safety net. I will recover, but it will take time.
And I think that is truly all I ever want to say about that. I have never been so eager to turn the page on an ugly chapter of my life. I can't wait to be me again.
Call it a perfect storm--too many of the wrong things piling up in just the right way. Add to this litany of struggle the symptoms of long COVID: racing heart, shortness of breath. Physiological symptoms that usually result from intense anxiety but can, I believe, both mimic and induce it.
I would not say that I am out completely of the woods, but I am safe. I have had a lid on my mental health for many years, struggling here and there but suffering only the rare paroxysm that exceeds my coping ability and legitimately redlines my distress. This was extreme, this was frightening, and this was unexpected. I am taking steps to reinforce my safety net. I will recover, but it will take time.
And I think that is truly all I ever want to say about that. I have never been so eager to turn the page on an ugly chapter of my life. I can't wait to be me again.