uproot clean
Hello, and welcome to my review of the Uproot Clean tool.
As longtime readers know, I have a spotty history with as-seen-on-TV products. The OneSweep broom was a bit of a bust. I had ordered it specifically to tackle the messy carpet runners at Subway, which were perpetually coated with rock salt and potato chip crumbs. The commercials highlighted the rubber-bristled broom's ability to sweep carpeted surfaces with ease, but this claim was not borne out in real-life testing. In fact the old straw broom was better suited for that type of work. Head-to-head on a hard, smooth surface, the OneSweep performed about as well as an ordinary broom. Its one slight advantage over traditional brooms was the built-in squeegee tool, which did occasionally come in handy at mopping time.
If the OneSweep was a product of dubious utility, the Table-Mate II was an emphatic success. In fact, I'm typing on it right now. I have been using this handy little table on a continual basis for some seventeen years.
As you can see, products advertised on television can be good, bad, or even somewhere in the middle.
Now let's get to the Uproot Clean. I was on the fence about buying this, but one night about a week ago I downed four beers and sort of drunk-ordered it, so here we are.
Unboxing
The Uproot Clean tool comes in a little pouch stamped with an unattributed testimonial. You can keep the bag or not; it doesn't really matter.
And then what you do is you just rake the tool over your carpets and furniture until you've built up some nice piles of cat hair.
Fig. 1 - A small pile of fluff extracted from a couch that appeared clean to the naked eye.
Fig. 2 - A larger pile of fluff extracted from a rug which likewise appeared clean.
FAQ
Is this really an as-seen-on-TV product?
Technically, no. I was relentlessly targeted by Facebook ads until I finally caved. But it has that as-seen-on-TV air about it.
What is the Uproot Clean's secret?
It's quite simple. The gold-colored components resemble the threaded shafts of screws. These are what allow the Uproot Clean tool to rake carpeted surfaces and liberate hair and fuzz.
Does it work on all fabrics?
No, not really. Some surfaces are more receptive to the tool than others. In testing, the Uproot Clean was very rough on certain types of carpet, necessitating a light touch. Other carpets and rugs had just the right kind of pile and could be combed like a luxuriant head of hair.
How do you dispose of the piles of hair?
Well, that's the thing. You still have to, like, pick them up with your hand and throw them in the garbage.
But in that case, wouldn't you be better off just--
Running the vacuum? Yes. The Uproot Clean will, additionally, amass crumbs and dirt particles, which are not easy to pick up with your hand, so the vacuum is still very much a necessity.
Wait, I've got it. I bet the Uproot Clean extracts the deepest layers of fuzz that the vacuum leaves behind, rejuvenating your carpets like an expensive steam-cleaning.
Yeah, I thought that, too, but that's not the case at all.
So should I buy the Uproot Clean tool or not?
Do what you want, it's a free country. Just know that it won't replace or even supplement your vacuum cleaner--but it is admittedly kind of fun to play with.
As longtime readers know, I have a spotty history with as-seen-on-TV products. The OneSweep broom was a bit of a bust. I had ordered it specifically to tackle the messy carpet runners at Subway, which were perpetually coated with rock salt and potato chip crumbs. The commercials highlighted the rubber-bristled broom's ability to sweep carpeted surfaces with ease, but this claim was not borne out in real-life testing. In fact the old straw broom was better suited for that type of work. Head-to-head on a hard, smooth surface, the OneSweep performed about as well as an ordinary broom. Its one slight advantage over traditional brooms was the built-in squeegee tool, which did occasionally come in handy at mopping time.
If the OneSweep was a product of dubious utility, the Table-Mate II was an emphatic success. In fact, I'm typing on it right now. I have been using this handy little table on a continual basis for some seventeen years.
As you can see, products advertised on television can be good, bad, or even somewhere in the middle.
Now let's get to the Uproot Clean. I was on the fence about buying this, but one night about a week ago I downed four beers and sort of drunk-ordered it, so here we are.
Unboxing
The Uproot Clean tool comes in a little pouch stamped with an unattributed testimonial. You can keep the bag or not; it doesn't really matter.
And then what you do is you just rake the tool over your carpets and furniture until you've built up some nice piles of cat hair.
Fig. 1 - A small pile of fluff extracted from a couch that appeared clean to the naked eye.
Fig. 2 - A larger pile of fluff extracted from a rug which likewise appeared clean.
FAQ
Is this really an as-seen-on-TV product?
Technically, no. I was relentlessly targeted by Facebook ads until I finally caved. But it has that as-seen-on-TV air about it.
What is the Uproot Clean's secret?
It's quite simple. The gold-colored components resemble the threaded shafts of screws. These are what allow the Uproot Clean tool to rake carpeted surfaces and liberate hair and fuzz.
Does it work on all fabrics?
No, not really. Some surfaces are more receptive to the tool than others. In testing, the Uproot Clean was very rough on certain types of carpet, necessitating a light touch. Other carpets and rugs had just the right kind of pile and could be combed like a luxuriant head of hair.
How do you dispose of the piles of hair?
Well, that's the thing. You still have to, like, pick them up with your hand and throw them in the garbage.
But in that case, wouldn't you be better off just--
Running the vacuum? Yes. The Uproot Clean will, additionally, amass crumbs and dirt particles, which are not easy to pick up with your hand, so the vacuum is still very much a necessity.
Wait, I've got it. I bet the Uproot Clean extracts the deepest layers of fuzz that the vacuum leaves behind, rejuvenating your carpets like an expensive steam-cleaning.
Yeah, I thought that, too, but that's not the case at all.
So should I buy the Uproot Clean tool or not?
Do what you want, it's a free country. Just know that it won't replace or even supplement your vacuum cleaner--but it is admittedly kind of fun to play with.