(no subject)
Today is my last day of being sixteen. Thank the gods. Sixteen has been the worst year since about nine, i think. There have been, however, several life changing experiences (good and bad):
1. stonewalk. fucking mind-blowingly awesome. jun-san and ken-san, billy, jon (I made a stonewalk friend!!!) and the entire fucking cast of stonewalker people just changed my life.
2. Seeing Jason Webley at the Living Room. For those of you that were there, you know what I mean. I really thought that I was watching the spirit of evil in human form. It wasn't just Jason, because that wouldn't be fair to him. It was the venue, salad fingers, not having eaten in forever, and a million other things. It took away some of the faith that stonewalk gave me. (I tie in the hope out loud event with the whole Jason Webley/Dresden Dolls creep out. even though none of you were there).
3. Doing RAVE so many times, fundraising for RAVE, talking about RAVE, realizing that RAVE is going to Scotland. That show has become an integral part of my life. I don't think it's through with me yet. Can't wait for the next round.
4. News to Me. I gained confidence, earned money, honed some skills, and got to rap in a blonde wig and tight jeans. All to, like, end standardized testing, racism, stereotypes, and the army. or something like that. All purpose liberal stamp of approval recieved.
5. Being rejected from the national honors society because one of my teachers accused me of being a racist
and another said something vague about my character. I found out that there is no longer an appeals process and that they destroy all documents after making their decision, so basically anyone could say anything about me and I have no way of countering their attacks. This one incident led me to experience severe anxiety and ultimately destroyed my faith in humanity. I'm not kidding. I still haven't recovered. When I talk about the deepest depression of my life, this is the thing that set it off. Because now I have no faith in humanity, I don't know what people think of me, I'm paranoid that everyone hates me, and I can't sleep. And I mean, come on, I'm not a fucking racist, and that's more than a lot of kids in the NHS can probably say.
6. The Punk Phase. My sister and I were crimethinc rejects. I regret, I regret, I regret. However, our mindless rejection of the system and "reclaiming of public space" ultimately led us to Stonewalk, so I am thankful.
7. Recieving the psychotic letter. Actually part of Stonewalk in a way. If you haven't read it, come to my house and read it. I'm having Jim read it for track i'm doing, maybe a creepster hidden track or something. I'm really scared of psychotic people...
8. My mother's wedding. It was beautiful, despite the initial bridesmaid wars. It was really lovely.
9. David Bowie. It was with Gracie. We were in Pink. I was at a David Bowie concert, with Gracie, and we were wearing Pink. And he sang Queen Bitch.
10. AP classes. I hate them. I love them. I write some brilliant essays. And don't live up to my "potential." Ick.
11. "Losing" all of my Academy friends and chilling some with those NBHS kids. I don't really hang out with my old friends, which makes me sad. And gives me no one to hang/talk/chill/scream/dance with. Except for Brandon. Haha. Le Zigstah. I love everyone a lot still, we just really aren't close. I'm beginning to feel very isolated again.
12. Photo one. Opened me up to a whole new avenue of art.
13. Christmas without my grandmother. No, she's not dead. But it was sad not to have her there, and very very strange.
I'll stop there, because I can't thing of anything more right now. Sixteen is gross. A lot of interesting things have happened. That is that.
(and that's how you address a cat).
1. stonewalk. fucking mind-blowingly awesome. jun-san and ken-san, billy, jon (I made a stonewalk friend!!!) and the entire fucking cast of stonewalker people just changed my life.
2. Seeing Jason Webley at the Living Room. For those of you that were there, you know what I mean. I really thought that I was watching the spirit of evil in human form. It wasn't just Jason, because that wouldn't be fair to him. It was the venue, salad fingers, not having eaten in forever, and a million other things. It took away some of the faith that stonewalk gave me. (I tie in the hope out loud event with the whole Jason Webley/Dresden Dolls creep out. even though none of you were there).
3. Doing RAVE so many times, fundraising for RAVE, talking about RAVE, realizing that RAVE is going to Scotland. That show has become an integral part of my life. I don't think it's through with me yet. Can't wait for the next round.
4. News to Me. I gained confidence, earned money, honed some skills, and got to rap in a blonde wig and tight jeans. All to, like, end standardized testing, racism, stereotypes, and the army. or something like that. All purpose liberal stamp of approval recieved.
5. Being rejected from the national honors society because one of my teachers accused me of being a racist
and another said something vague about my character. I found out that there is no longer an appeals process and that they destroy all documents after making their decision, so basically anyone could say anything about me and I have no way of countering their attacks. This one incident led me to experience severe anxiety and ultimately destroyed my faith in humanity. I'm not kidding. I still haven't recovered. When I talk about the deepest depression of my life, this is the thing that set it off. Because now I have no faith in humanity, I don't know what people think of me, I'm paranoid that everyone hates me, and I can't sleep. And I mean, come on, I'm not a fucking racist, and that's more than a lot of kids in the NHS can probably say.
6. The Punk Phase. My sister and I were crimethinc rejects. I regret, I regret, I regret. However, our mindless rejection of the system and "reclaiming of public space" ultimately led us to Stonewalk, so I am thankful.
7. Recieving the psychotic letter. Actually part of Stonewalk in a way. If you haven't read it, come to my house and read it. I'm having Jim read it for track i'm doing, maybe a creepster hidden track or something. I'm really scared of psychotic people...
8. My mother's wedding. It was beautiful, despite the initial bridesmaid wars. It was really lovely.
9. David Bowie. It was with Gracie. We were in Pink. I was at a David Bowie concert, with Gracie, and we were wearing Pink. And he sang Queen Bitch.
10. AP classes. I hate them. I love them. I write some brilliant essays. And don't live up to my "potential." Ick.
11. "Losing" all of my Academy friends and chilling some with those NBHS kids. I don't really hang out with my old friends, which makes me sad. And gives me no one to hang/talk/chill/scream/dance with. Except for Brandon. Haha. Le Zigstah. I love everyone a lot still, we just really aren't close. I'm beginning to feel very isolated again.
12. Photo one. Opened me up to a whole new avenue of art.
13. Christmas without my grandmother. No, she's not dead. But it was sad not to have her there, and very very strange.
I'll stop there, because I can't thing of anything more right now. Sixteen is gross. A lot of interesting things have happened. That is that.
(and that's how you address a cat).