Where's my nostalgia?

[crayon_goddess]

Where's my nostalgia? Am I supposed to look back on these days and say "those were the great times"? Am I? These are hard times, full of decisions that are huge and disappointments that are huger. There are tests in school and tests in relationships and tests in life, and sometimes I fail all of them. Oftentimes I fail all of them. The things I look forward to become the things that I dread, and farther down the road keeps getting farther away. How can I possibly be expected to look back on these days and see the goodness? How am I not going to remember that money was tight and my clothes were tighter? How am I not going to remember that I was always late on doing things and returning things and saying things? How am I not going to remember that there were very few quiet, worry-free times that I spent with the people I love? How am I not going to remember that I wasted my time on trivial things and procrastinated so that I missed the big, good stuff?

I want my nostalgia. I want to make good, easy times that I can remember for the rest of my life as good, simple times. I want to get to know my loved ones so well that I can anticipate their next move and order ice cream for them. I want to eat ice cream on a hot day -- on every hot day. I want to stop and smell the flowers and sit on the stoop and hug and know that these may not be the best days. There may be better ones.

There will be better ones.