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[crayolaonsuede]

Things lately have been nuts, and very non-conducive to updating. Two friends moved in last Monday and stayed for a week, our wireless network stopped working--leaving only one internet-connected computer in the house--we had a two-day Jewish holiday, and I went on a four-day youth retreat with lousy cell reception, during which I supervised a

Comments

s/he's just jealous. This will be long.

[anonymous]

This is Raylynn, I love you, and that's ridiculous. I've known you for nearly a decade and I've never once thought you had any lack of self-respect or self-esteem. In fact, sometimes you have so much of both things, you're secure to the extent that you intimidate people. (Like B and Jamesie, which blows). You've been through so much crap and you've always dealt with it with poise and strength and self-respect. The girls you mentor look up to you because of it. You're amazing.

In your case I see absolutely no relationship between a lack of self-respect and too much self-disclosure. I think your openness comes from a few things:
I) being Middle-Eastern and being raised with the most open mother I've ever met. Ror, your mom gives new meaning to TMI.
II) being a writer, because you self-disclose like you're writing a book about yourself, complete with all the details that catch people's attention. And I do mean ALL. This is your journal, for heaven's sake (and yes, by heaven I mean sky :))--if people don't want to hear about you, they shouldn't be reading. By now they should know that you're sometimes very up-front. Perhaps it would be wise to make more entries friends-only, however, just because you wouldn't want a family member stumbling on it. Chay wanders sometimes.
III) your ability to laugh at yourself no matter what. I love that. And this tendency, combined with aspect II is what makes you different. I think most people, when they've done something stupid or made a fool out of themselves either just let it pass or keep it mostly quiet. It could be an ego thing--people are fragile. But you'll take stupidity and write about it and make people laugh. It's fabulous.
IV) just who you are and I love that about you.
So many people do. There's no reason to change anything.

Re: s/he's just jealous. This will be long.

[anonymous]

I totally agree. Some people might not wear underwear, or talk about it, for attention grabbing reasons to build up an artificial self confidence, but that doesn't mean everybody does. And everything you do in life seems to scream "This is who I am, deal with it!" That either takes being an extraordinary asshole, or having an admirable amount of self confidence. And with the abundance of compassion you have for everybody else -- no matter how close, or how much a stranger -- you're clearly not an asshole.

I also really respect and appreciate point III above, it's so true, and that's such a great quality to have. You really are a wonderful, and truly inspirational, person.

Re: s/he's just jealous. This will be long.

[anonymous]

Self respect and self confidence are two different things.
That she possesses one does not mean that she has other.

Re: s/he's just jealous. This will be long.

[anonymous]

I can't believe this comment thread even exists. You must not know her very well.