(no subject)
The empty balloon in my hand
"I’d like to call this enlightenment”
but I know that it would be
an allusion, no?
Yes, it would be,
but not for what I saw
there,
but rather,
for the violence (me)
that had seen that world --
a world without self.
And thus it filled that emptiness
to see itself for the
first time, again.
Ever a thing
in comparison.
Nitrous Tripping:
"I have only been this close to myself in my past’s darkest moments. I didn’t think that dark intimacy was able to manifest in this present time; every sensation combined into a higher sensation of complete-frustration -- a world created in slight dis-conjunction to that one actual. The one actual world and mine combine in stranger ways still. Stillness in the future, certainties older than shame breathed, and my second natures were larger and more fearsome than I had anticipated them to be, all twisted into a totality of whim and fear.
I cannot perhaps explain the experience; I was confronted with a shadow so fearsome that I was uncertain not of the point, but that anything else had ever existed!!! I was discerned with a reality more horrible, importunate and overwhelmingly aware of suffering. There, there was suffering, there was a keen grasp of the golden reigns by a thing in my center. If my brain had abstained from revealing the extent of its nihilism and its radical structure then perhaps I would have floated into a realm unaware, but that was not the case.
...
I immediately associated the shock with pain. A pain so great that it numbed my soul; perhaps this is how nitrous functions? Of this pain that I felt I knew I had felt it before, I knew that my deepest most inconsolable hurt was awake and living with me ..."
______
I feel completly satisfied with just doing whatever now; I have experienced the choice of the bodhisttava -- I think I have witnessed first-hand an evolution of my most personal and existential level.
"I’d like to call this enlightenment”
but I know that it would be
an allusion, no?
Yes, it would be,
but not for what I saw
there,
but rather,
for the violence (me)
that had seen that world --
a world without self.
And thus it filled that emptiness
to see itself for the
first time, again.
Ever a thing
in comparison.
Nitrous Tripping:
"I have only been this close to myself in my past’s darkest moments. I didn’t think that dark intimacy was able to manifest in this present time; every sensation combined into a higher sensation of complete-frustration -- a world created in slight dis-conjunction to that one actual. The one actual world and mine combine in stranger ways still. Stillness in the future, certainties older than shame breathed, and my second natures were larger and more fearsome than I had anticipated them to be, all twisted into a totality of whim and fear.
I cannot perhaps explain the experience; I was confronted with a shadow so fearsome that I was uncertain not of the point, but that anything else had ever existed!!! I was discerned with a reality more horrible, importunate and overwhelmingly aware of suffering. There, there was suffering, there was a keen grasp of the golden reigns by a thing in my center. If my brain had abstained from revealing the extent of its nihilism and its radical structure then perhaps I would have floated into a realm unaware, but that was not the case.
...
I immediately associated the shock with pain. A pain so great that it numbed my soul; perhaps this is how nitrous functions? Of this pain that I felt I knew I had felt it before, I knew that my deepest most inconsolable hurt was awake and living with me ..."
______
I feel completly satisfied with just doing whatever now; I have experienced the choice of the bodhisttava -- I think I have witnessed first-hand an evolution of my most personal and existential level.