Important.
I'm so confused lately on what should be important in life.
Everyone tells you to go to school and get this great job so you can make good money and support a wonderful, unfailing family....
The trouble is that life doesn't work out like that.
Okay, for some it might. However, for most of us, life takes on so many paths it's so hard to JUST GO TO SCHOOL AND GET A GREAT JOB WHERE YOU MAKE GOOD MONEY TO SUPPORT YOUR WONDERFUL, UNFAILING FAMILY.
....
I go to sleep in Rodolfo's arms feeling protected and happy and understood
I wake up
and my mind is jolting back and forth between thoughts.
This is weird. This is wrong. Do you really think that this is going to work? You're going to get heartbroken again. Don't let this happen. But it feels so good. He IS really handsome. But he's so much older than you. 13 years older than you! But why should age matter? Diel was 31, right? So what's the big deal? Diel had less wrinkles. Yah, but Diel was MARRIED. I still kinda love Diel. You're crazy. Stop it. You couldn't be with Diel. He can't give you children. Or happiness....well, maybe he could...no he couldn't....I dunno. Antonio, I mean, Rodolfo...who is this guy again? BIG Antonio, little Rodolfo. Okay, Rodolfo (God that is strange to say/write) is very nice. He can give me children. He can give me an adventurous, difficult and interesting life. What if you had to move to MEXICO? OH and the BIG issue. The secret one. Argh. He doesn't even exist. Well, he could exist. Shit, we have to make him legal. LEGAL. Then he really would be Rodolfo. Haha. Rodolfo. I don't know. Why am I even thinking about this stuff. It's not like this is even important right now. The first step is getting out of that damn restaurant so that way I can stop hiding this damn relationship (if it even is one). FUCK. I better go to school. I need to make more money...
SO I CAN SUPPORT AN EVENTUAL WONDERFUL, UNFAILING FAMILY.
AHHHHHHHHH....
and THAT is what it's like to be me when I wake up in the morning.
Can't I just hire someone to make all my decisions for me? They'd also have to make me understand and like the decision in the end.
ONE THING IS FOR SURE. I do need to finish school. For these reasons:
1.) To show my mother that I could actually do it.
2.) To make myself proud.
3.) So I don't regret not doing it
4.) Because I actually like learning, and I am actually pretty smart. Well, in some things.
5.) So IF i wanted to get a BETTER job, I could.
Problem is...I have to work a fucking truck load of hours because I need to make money so I don't have to move back in with my crazy and insane mother...which would set me back about 2 years. ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!
I love my mother, but I swear...she's the crazzzziiiest woman on the f-ing planet.
I better go. This is getting way too intense.
Loves yah, muffins.
Everyone tells you to go to school and get this great job so you can make good money and support a wonderful, unfailing family....
The trouble is that life doesn't work out like that.
Okay, for some it might. However, for most of us, life takes on so many paths it's so hard to JUST GO TO SCHOOL AND GET A GREAT JOB WHERE YOU MAKE GOOD MONEY TO SUPPORT YOUR WONDERFUL, UNFAILING FAMILY.
....
I go to sleep in Rodolfo's arms feeling protected and happy and understood
I wake up
and my mind is jolting back and forth between thoughts.
This is weird. This is wrong. Do you really think that this is going to work? You're going to get heartbroken again. Don't let this happen. But it feels so good. He IS really handsome. But he's so much older than you. 13 years older than you! But why should age matter? Diel was 31, right? So what's the big deal? Diel had less wrinkles. Yah, but Diel was MARRIED. I still kinda love Diel. You're crazy. Stop it. You couldn't be with Diel. He can't give you children. Or happiness....well, maybe he could...no he couldn't....I dunno. Antonio, I mean, Rodolfo...who is this guy again? BIG Antonio, little Rodolfo. Okay, Rodolfo (God that is strange to say/write) is very nice. He can give me children. He can give me an adventurous, difficult and interesting life. What if you had to move to MEXICO? OH and the BIG issue. The secret one. Argh. He doesn't even exist. Well, he could exist. Shit, we have to make him legal. LEGAL. Then he really would be Rodolfo. Haha. Rodolfo. I don't know. Why am I even thinking about this stuff. It's not like this is even important right now. The first step is getting out of that damn restaurant so that way I can stop hiding this damn relationship (if it even is one). FUCK. I better go to school. I need to make more money...
SO I CAN SUPPORT AN EVENTUAL WONDERFUL, UNFAILING FAMILY.
AHHHHHHHHH....
and THAT is what it's like to be me when I wake up in the morning.
Can't I just hire someone to make all my decisions for me? They'd also have to make me understand and like the decision in the end.
ONE THING IS FOR SURE. I do need to finish school. For these reasons:
1.) To show my mother that I could actually do it.
2.) To make myself proud.
3.) So I don't regret not doing it
4.) Because I actually like learning, and I am actually pretty smart. Well, in some things.
5.) So IF i wanted to get a BETTER job, I could.
Problem is...I have to work a fucking truck load of hours because I need to make money so I don't have to move back in with my crazy and insane mother...which would set me back about 2 years. ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!
I love my mother, but I swear...she's the crazzzziiiest woman on the f-ing planet.
I better go. This is getting way too intense.
Loves yah, muffins.