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well... i've decided that i'm going to update this thing no matter what. sometimes people need to see how a person feels and how hurt she gets, so they can understand.
so here i am.. its snowing again :( i was hoping it would stay our mild winter with no snow and the temperature being plus 5 in the middle of january but no such luck here.
well lastnight of course me and my boyfriend got into it... i'm not going to go into the situation because i don't think i need to. i'm not feeling too good about the situation and i'm not feeling too good about what he did the whole week i was gone..there is always these girls coming up and the story is always a suspicious one. i'm not saying he is cheating on me.. but he's making me feel like i'm not good enough.
okay whatever, this is my journal and i can say whatever the hell i want!! yeah you guys can think i'm pathetic or whatever, but hopefully someone understands.
okay, i am ashlee, i am a sensitive person, a jealous person (although i don't like to admit it) and i'm this kind of person because this is my first relationship where i've been in love. its really hitting me hard and i'm so confused about it. i don't know what to feel.. so.. my boyfriend is the type of guy who does things but i don't think takes the time to think about how it would hurt someone, but he does it anyways. so back in the day there were these girls that were coming over... and its a sticky situation because he lives with 3 other guys, his best friends and they are all single and bring girls over. anyways.. wow this is going to be long... so there were these girls that were coming over.. 3 girls i believe, one of them babysat for his friend and her 2 friends.. so the one friend tried to get with his friend, that didn't work, so she moved on to the next and now she really likes him..the other friend wanted my boyfriend and wanted to get with him and everything and he said he had a girlfriend ya de ya de ya da.. so then there is this message on his little guestbook thing on his site from her saying "oh faysal you're so cute i hope to see you again soon xoxo"... okay ANY GIRL would get pissed over this, and that is exactly what i did. i had to leave the house because i was so angry with him. i look at the stuff he does, and I WOULD NEVER DO THINGS LIKE THIS TO HIM, SO WHY DO I DESERVE IT?!?! so that is all fine and dandy.. they back off and realize that he loves his girlfriend, but they still piss me off beyond belief because they are the types of girls that wouldn't care if a guy had a girlfriend, they'd still sit on his lap and try to make out with him... drama drama drama..i'm so embarrassed writing this.. but i know renee or someone will have a decent comment with some advice or sometihng so i'm writing it.. so moving on with them.. they still come over and stuff and this last week that i was gone they were hanging around..whatever...
so then i come back from holidays, being in the dominican for a week without my boyfriend, being the girl that keeps to herself because she would never be unfaithful and i come back to hear all these stupid things... i'm not saying he can't hang out with these girls or whatever but it just makes me a little uneasy..i don't like the fact that they've already tried and tried and tried and they have no self respect or any morals so i know what they are capable of... anyways... it's one of those situations where you trust him but you don't trust them.. okay moving on.. so lastnight i was just giong through hi5.com and stuff and you can look at people's friends and stuff, and he has this little 14 year old girl on there.. so of course i asked who she was.. he is 25 and his friends are like 28 and 25 so of course you're going to ask why a fucking 14 year old girl is there.. so he tells me he was searching the stratford area for girls for Momo (his best friend) and they checked out her profile so she emailed him.. what i don't understand is how she got his email address to email him in the first place BUT ANYWAYS.. so he said they talk and stuff and then he asks me if i can take Momo to go meet this girl because they want to know if she is really 14... okay people don't lie on the computer to make themselves look YOUNGER, they lie to make themselves OLDER.. hello i'm not stupid... so then i clicked on this random thing on their computer and its a wordpad file WITH HER FUCKING NUMBER in it.. and IT IS HIS FOLDER.. what the fuck.. i was soooooooooooooooooooo angry, you don't even understand. but i jump to conclusions and shit, who doesn't. it just makes me upset because he has all these stories and stuff to say about stuff, and then the truth really comes out... like with this Irene girl that was coming over, he never ONCE told me she was interested, and then I talked to her friend and she's like Oh yeah Irene wanted him and hugged him once and wanted to get with him.. like why can't he be honest about shit like that. I'm only asking for honesty here and to be able to trust him..
so i was away for a week in the dominican and YES OF COURSE guys wanted to sleep with me, who don't they want to sleep with, they probably ask about 50 girls a day if they wanna sleep with them, and i laughed in their faces and told them i have a boyfriend that i love back in canada and that isn't right.. of course they tried and tried but i only kept shutting them down. he doesn't understand what kind of person i am. when a guy flirts with me and tries to get with me, i don't even think twice about telling them i have a boyfriend or showing them a picture... yet when girls are interested in him, he won't tell me, he'll keep it from me.
of course i'm going to feel like something is going on.. how can you not?!?!
and i'm not trying to make him sound like a bad person, because he isn't. he treats me awesome, and puts up with alot... but there is only so much i can take. i've never been in love, i've never had a boyfriend other then him, i don't know what to do! i yell at him all the time because i don't know how else to get my anger across to him so he understands and he stops diong it.. i don't know what else to do. :( of course you don't want to think these things about your boyfriend, but around here in our area there is only girls with no self respect or morals or ANYTHING and these are the girls that are coming around.. me being who i am and having self respect and common sense and morals is obviously going to react like this.. tell me i'm stupid, tell me i'm dumb, but i don't know what else to do right now... i don't want to lose him because i love him, but god we need to work out our problems with eachother. he knows what i don't like and what makes me cry, yet he does it all the time. how can i get it through to him that i don't like him being 25 and living like he is still a teenager... this isn't the boyfriend i want.. i want a boyfriend who is settled down and wants to make good choices in life, not the boyfriend
that drinks and drinks and drinks and gets drunk every damn weekend and lives the party life.. i can't take it anymore. it's draining me, and i just want shit to be better and it isn't going to get better if this is the life he wants to live.. i know all of this was drama and stuff, but i can't help the way i feel... i feel so trapped.. i don't want to lose him or break up with him at all, but shit has to get better..there is only so much i can pray..
love you all
Ashlee
so here i am.. its snowing again :( i was hoping it would stay our mild winter with no snow and the temperature being plus 5 in the middle of january but no such luck here.
well lastnight of course me and my boyfriend got into it... i'm not going to go into the situation because i don't think i need to. i'm not feeling too good about the situation and i'm not feeling too good about what he did the whole week i was gone..there is always these girls coming up and the story is always a suspicious one. i'm not saying he is cheating on me.. but he's making me feel like i'm not good enough.
okay whatever, this is my journal and i can say whatever the hell i want!! yeah you guys can think i'm pathetic or whatever, but hopefully someone understands.
okay, i am ashlee, i am a sensitive person, a jealous person (although i don't like to admit it) and i'm this kind of person because this is my first relationship where i've been in love. its really hitting me hard and i'm so confused about it. i don't know what to feel.. so.. my boyfriend is the type of guy who does things but i don't think takes the time to think about how it would hurt someone, but he does it anyways. so back in the day there were these girls that were coming over... and its a sticky situation because he lives with 3 other guys, his best friends and they are all single and bring girls over. anyways.. wow this is going to be long... so there were these girls that were coming over.. 3 girls i believe, one of them babysat for his friend and her 2 friends.. so the one friend tried to get with his friend, that didn't work, so she moved on to the next and now she really likes him..the other friend wanted my boyfriend and wanted to get with him and everything and he said he had a girlfriend ya de ya de ya da.. so then there is this message on his little guestbook thing on his site from her saying "oh faysal you're so cute i hope to see you again soon xoxo"... okay ANY GIRL would get pissed over this, and that is exactly what i did. i had to leave the house because i was so angry with him. i look at the stuff he does, and I WOULD NEVER DO THINGS LIKE THIS TO HIM, SO WHY DO I DESERVE IT?!?! so that is all fine and dandy.. they back off and realize that he loves his girlfriend, but they still piss me off beyond belief because they are the types of girls that wouldn't care if a guy had a girlfriend, they'd still sit on his lap and try to make out with him... drama drama drama..i'm so embarrassed writing this.. but i know renee or someone will have a decent comment with some advice or sometihng so i'm writing it.. so moving on with them.. they still come over and stuff and this last week that i was gone they were hanging around..whatever...
so then i come back from holidays, being in the dominican for a week without my boyfriend, being the girl that keeps to herself because she would never be unfaithful and i come back to hear all these stupid things... i'm not saying he can't hang out with these girls or whatever but it just makes me a little uneasy..i don't like the fact that they've already tried and tried and tried and they have no self respect or any morals so i know what they are capable of... anyways... it's one of those situations where you trust him but you don't trust them.. okay moving on.. so lastnight i was just giong through hi5.com and stuff and you can look at people's friends and stuff, and he has this little 14 year old girl on there.. so of course i asked who she was.. he is 25 and his friends are like 28 and 25 so of course you're going to ask why a fucking 14 year old girl is there.. so he tells me he was searching the stratford area for girls for Momo (his best friend) and they checked out her profile so she emailed him.. what i don't understand is how she got his email address to email him in the first place BUT ANYWAYS.. so he said they talk and stuff and then he asks me if i can take Momo to go meet this girl because they want to know if she is really 14... okay people don't lie on the computer to make themselves look YOUNGER, they lie to make themselves OLDER.. hello i'm not stupid... so then i clicked on this random thing on their computer and its a wordpad file WITH HER FUCKING NUMBER in it.. and IT IS HIS FOLDER.. what the fuck.. i was soooooooooooooooooooo angry, you don't even understand. but i jump to conclusions and shit, who doesn't. it just makes me upset because he has all these stories and stuff to say about stuff, and then the truth really comes out... like with this Irene girl that was coming over, he never ONCE told me she was interested, and then I talked to her friend and she's like Oh yeah Irene wanted him and hugged him once and wanted to get with him.. like why can't he be honest about shit like that. I'm only asking for honesty here and to be able to trust him..
so i was away for a week in the dominican and YES OF COURSE guys wanted to sleep with me, who don't they want to sleep with, they probably ask about 50 girls a day if they wanna sleep with them, and i laughed in their faces and told them i have a boyfriend that i love back in canada and that isn't right.. of course they tried and tried but i only kept shutting them down. he doesn't understand what kind of person i am. when a guy flirts with me and tries to get with me, i don't even think twice about telling them i have a boyfriend or showing them a picture... yet when girls are interested in him, he won't tell me, he'll keep it from me.
of course i'm going to feel like something is going on.. how can you not?!?!
and i'm not trying to make him sound like a bad person, because he isn't. he treats me awesome, and puts up with alot... but there is only so much i can take. i've never been in love, i've never had a boyfriend other then him, i don't know what to do! i yell at him all the time because i don't know how else to get my anger across to him so he understands and he stops diong it.. i don't know what else to do. :( of course you don't want to think these things about your boyfriend, but around here in our area there is only girls with no self respect or morals or ANYTHING and these are the girls that are coming around.. me being who i am and having self respect and common sense and morals is obviously going to react like this.. tell me i'm stupid, tell me i'm dumb, but i don't know what else to do right now... i don't want to lose him because i love him, but god we need to work out our problems with eachother. he knows what i don't like and what makes me cry, yet he does it all the time. how can i get it through to him that i don't like him being 25 and living like he is still a teenager... this isn't the boyfriend i want.. i want a boyfriend who is settled down and wants to make good choices in life, not the boyfriend
that drinks and drinks and drinks and gets drunk every damn weekend and lives the party life.. i can't take it anymore. it's draining me, and i just want shit to be better and it isn't going to get better if this is the life he wants to live.. i know all of this was drama and stuff, but i can't help the way i feel... i feel so trapped.. i don't want to lose him or break up with him at all, but shit has to get better..there is only so much i can pray..
love you all
Ashlee