001;
this is my struggle. i'm going through it all so watch out. dont like what i write? too bad.
Lets be straight foward about this.
i have an eating disorder.
this is where i write about my thoughts, my pains, my bitching. and here we go.
Height: 5'6"
CW: 159
HW: 192
LW: 159
LTG: 135
i'm a fat ass cow. i hate myself. i hate who i am. i hate everything, so why not change the one thing i can control in my life? Yes, this will do just fine. I've created this journal to hide what i have away from my friends. They dont need to know about this. They dont understand.
As you can see i used to weigh 192. Close to 200. do you see that 2 and those two 0's. I remember the day i was on the scale and i saw those numbers fling back and fourth on the scale. I was mortified. I would look in the mirror and i could see stretch marks, from my fat. It was gross. so i decided to take a stand. It started out as a little innocent diet. And from there it slowly but surely progrssed into something much worse than that.
I take pills all the time. Screw the warning labels. i take 4 at once. Of anything. i have no care for my life. I dont think anybody else does either.
right now, i feel like a shitty fat cow. FAT FAT FAT FAT. FAAAAAAAT. even though school has started, i've been bad. i cant do this. i need help. i'm now making little notes to myself and chewing more gum. working out.. i need to run more. god damnit. i want to be skinny. so bad. so bad. why cant i be skinny NOW?! why... it hurts me more and more every day when i look in the mirror and i see the fat disgusting blob, but you tell me i'm fine.
i'm not fine.
if i was fine, i wouldn;t feel like this.
i love the 70's. it's past my bedtime. i need sleep. goodbye for now.
Lets be straight foward about this.
i have an eating disorder.
this is where i write about my thoughts, my pains, my bitching. and here we go.
Height: 5'6"
CW: 159
HW: 192
LW: 159
LTG: 135
i'm a fat ass cow. i hate myself. i hate who i am. i hate everything, so why not change the one thing i can control in my life? Yes, this will do just fine. I've created this journal to hide what i have away from my friends. They dont need to know about this. They dont understand.
As you can see i used to weigh 192. Close to 200. do you see that 2 and those two 0's. I remember the day i was on the scale and i saw those numbers fling back and fourth on the scale. I was mortified. I would look in the mirror and i could see stretch marks, from my fat. It was gross. so i decided to take a stand. It started out as a little innocent diet. And from there it slowly but surely progrssed into something much worse than that.
I take pills all the time. Screw the warning labels. i take 4 at once. Of anything. i have no care for my life. I dont think anybody else does either.
right now, i feel like a shitty fat cow. FAT FAT FAT FAT. FAAAAAAAT. even though school has started, i've been bad. i cant do this. i need help. i'm now making little notes to myself and chewing more gum. working out.. i need to run more. god damnit. i want to be skinny. so bad. so bad. why cant i be skinny NOW?! why... it hurts me more and more every day when i look in the mirror and i see the fat disgusting blob, but you tell me i'm fine.
i'm not fine.
if i was fine, i wouldn;t feel like this.
i love the 70's. it's past my bedtime. i need sleep. goodbye for now.