(no subject)
Convos I've been having with folks on Omegle during our ontd_startrek flashmob-esque GQMFifying of the site.
If you've never used Omegle, basically you get randomly paired up with a fellow chatter. It's totally anonymous, and 90% of the time the other person asks you stupid shit like a/s/l and to show your breasticles on webcam or some bs, but I've been having a lot of fun with it. Usually they get weirded out and just disconnect:
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
Stranger: whats up???
You: Fun will now commence.
Stranger: ok...
You: Hi, Christopher. I'm Nero.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
But not always:
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: the game
You: Keptin, the nuclear wessels are twenty meters ahead to starboard.
Stranger: OH FUUUUUUUUUU
Stranger: GO PORT
Stranger: GO PORT
You: Starboard, of course, veing somefing we inwented in Wussia.
Stranger: well i want to go port
You: But Keptin, we need to discower where the dilithium crystal are being hidden!
You: And the nuclear wessels could be masking our energy crystals.
You: (Also somefing inwented in Wussia.)
Stranger: well IM the captain
Stranger: and I say we go port
You: Fine, Keptin. But why, sir?
Stranger: Because there is a nude man on an island portside
Stranger: and i would like to cover him in oil
Stranger: and lick his anus
You: Keptin, what would Meester Spock say?!
Stranger: Spock would already have his cock out
Stranger: and be turning port
Stranger: its too god damn bad that he caught the aids and died
You: But Keptin, deedn't Bones tell you, they can cure Pa'nar syndrome now. (Cure was inwented in Wrussia.)
Stranger: ILL GIVE YOU DOWN SYNDROME IF YOU DONT GO DOWN ON ME THIS INSTANT
You: It just takes a skilled mind melder. You're so familiar weeth Spock's brain that you should have no troouble.
Stranger: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Stranger: img.4chan.org/b/
Stranger: THE GAME
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
I did a bunch of them where I just quoted Voyager episodes to try and get somebody to play along (the semi-object is also to find a fellow ontd_startreker):
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: m or f?
You: Naomi Wildman, subunit of Ensign Samantha Wildman. State your intentions.
Stranger: ummm sex... :(
You: Very well. You leave me no choice but to report your activities to the Captain.
Stranger: o damn please dont
You: Explain.
Stranger: ur mothers penis?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
But I actually played Seven of Nine for a while with this guy (whom I cast as B'Elanna Torres, natch). This one was kind of funny--I started out as Seven during "Infinite Regress", where she's going through all the different personalities, but that gave way to his B'Elanna subplot wherein she is insubordinate and steals a shuttle. Mostly it's me feeding stuff to him and little responses, as you would expect from someone who has no idea what you're doing, but his last line is almost as epic as
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Naomi Wildman, subunit of Ensign Samantha Wildman. State your intentions.
Stranger: My intentions?
You: Why are you present in this location?
Stranger: Not sure.
You: Very well. You leave me no choice but to report your activities to the Captain.
Stranger: Why are you present in this location?
You: I'm picking up an energy signal in the lower subspace bands, and if I'm not mistaken it's got a Borg modulation.
You: Take a look at this, will you?
Stranger: You've lost me.lol.
You: I believe it's a neural interlink frequency.
You: Will you assist me in analyzing the signal so we can present it to Captain Janeway?
Stranger: I'm not sure how.
You: . . . . . .
You: I am the son of K'vok! And you, what House are you from?
Stranger: Umm....
Stranger: I don't remember.
You: You wear the uniform of a Starfleet P'Cha! What kind of a warrior are you?
Stranger: Yes, that's the one.
Stranger: I...I'm a...a secret combat guy.lol.
You: Come, warrior, let me look at you.
You: You are strong. You will make an excellent mate!
Stranger: Mate for who?lol.
You: You will be a strong addition to the House of K'vok~
You: ~~~~~~~~~~~
You: Lieutenant, where am I?
Stranger: Where'd you get all this stuff from?lol.
You: The Captain tells me that I initiated a Klingon mating ritual. Is this what you have experienced, Lieutenant?
Stranger: Nope.
Stranger: I mean, negative.
You: It must be a result of the neural interlink frequency interfacing with my remaining Borg implants.
You: Will you accompany me to sickbay? I believe. . . I need to inform the doctor of this---
You: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You: Lieutenant. This is *not* the Vulcan High Command. I believe I have become. . . displaced.
Stranger: No, I must tie my shoes first.
You: I can assist you in this matter. My assimilation tubules would administer nanoprobes fusing your shoe in the optimum configuration for proper posture and walking.
Stranger: Why thank you.
You: Lieutenant Torres. The warp core has decreased in efficiency by 0.7 percent. I believe it is due to a variance of 0.4 micrograms in the dilithium matrix.
You: We need to reestablish control over the engineering systems before the warp core breaches.
Stranger: No, that's okay.
Stranger: That isn't really necessary.
You: Lieutenant! I have no choice but to report your inaction to the Captain.
You: =/\=Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway=/\=
You: ==/\==Janeway here, go ahead, Seven. Are you reading the same engine fluctuations we are? It's throwing us around up here a bit, so if you and Lieutenant Torres could get that figured out, we'd be much obliged.==/\==
You: =/\=Captain, Lieutenant Torres is refusing to assist me in resolving this manner due to the personal disagreement we had earlier.=/\=
You: ==/\==Lieutenant Torres! What do you have to say for yourself?==/\==
Stranger: I...I...
Stranger: I fear I am rendered speechless.
You: ==/\==Well, get this fixed, soon-to-be-Ensign-Torres. Then meet me in my ready room. Bring Seven with you. We need to have a little chat.==/\==
Stranger: Will do.
Stranger: Well, I'll catch you on the flip side.
You: You attempt to remove a shuttle from Voyager and escape? I advise you, Commander Tuvok will thwart your efforts.
Stranger: So be it.
Stranger: I will see you in the next life.
You: Your attempt to resist the hierarchy on this ship is futile.
Stranger: Observe.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Permission to speak freely, sir?
Stranger: sure
You: This course of action is foolhardy and imminently illogical, Captain.
Stranger: go fuck yourself
You: What is your reasoning behind your presence here?
Stranger: your a dum as
Stranger: your on a fucking chat room
You: Captain, I believe your basic grammar needs a refresher in. . . understandability.
Stranger: fuck you faget
You: Faget. Is this French, Captain? I'm unfamiliar with this term.
Stranger: you stpuip army wanabe
You: Stpuip? Perhaps Klingon?
You: Should I contact Lieutenant Uhura? Perhaps she can help us in this matter. Or. . . perhaps Doctor McCoy.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
I don't know what the first question of this one was about, but this person played with me quite well. I was pleased.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: are you chinese?
You: Lieutenant, all stop.
You: Lieutenant, what is the composition of the subspace disturbance up ahead?
Stranger: mostly hydrogen
Stranger: with what appears to be traces of a tachyon disturbance
You: Can we proceed through it without damage to the hull, or do we need to raise shields to protect hull integrity?
Stranger: recommend shields
You: Acknowledged. Bring the ship to yellow alert. Alert engineering that we may need to divert power--with the sensor reading this fuzzy, the deflector array won't be able to protect us as well as usual. We'll need everything to the shields.
Stranger: I'm picking up an anomaly on the sensors
You: Through the subspace disturbance? On screen.
You: What do you make of it, Lt?
Stranger: _,-'|`||||||||_\___ _,-,_
| /_`-'||||||||' \\-____/_ __o`-,
|[__<|_|||||||| -----.______(=====/
|_\ \------'\____/--------\_,-'
`\`. \-'
\ \ \
`\`. \`
\ `-.__\
\______\
| ___\
\(___======][]
You: I recognize that pattern. . . .
You: Red alert! Charge phasers!
Stranger: the com isn't responding!
You: That's a Romulan Warbird. The tachyons in the disturbance are interfering with their cloaking, resulting in that wavelength pattern. All hands, battle stations.
Stranger: _|_
,' | `,
/ | \
| _|_ |
| ,',|,`, |
|//_|||_\\|
||',-"-,`||
||/ \||
\| |/
`,___,'
You: Incoming photon torpedo! Brace for impact.
You: [Kablow. Several consoles explode due to the starship design engineers' failure to include the highly technological and 24th century innovation known as a fuse.)
Stranger: AARRARRRHARRHRSGGGHSHHHH
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
And then this motherloving epic of awesomeness. I may have to make this into a fic, because I spent way too damn much time Spocking it out over here to just waste all this writing. (Fic!Kirk will be much less reticent, naturally. Chatter!Kirk did not want to get all down with the gay.) But I ask you, "Ron"? I say "Vulcan", "Doctor McCoy", "Starfleet" and am calling you James T. Kirk and you call me Ron? For serious? I'd chalk the continuance up to consistency, as he did call me Ron before I gave quite as explicit of clues as to what I was doing, but I think everybody would switch to Spock once I made it this bloody clear. And some of his comments don't really seem to fit, like he didn't quite grasp the Star Trekness still.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: LELLOW ORANGE
You: Captain, there is a matter I need to discuss with you. In private.
Stranger: Oui what is it Marine
You: I've been experiencing some. . . internal conflict lately. My emotional control has been. . . insufficient when in the proximity of--
You: I've consulted Doctor McCoy and he agrees that my biochemistry has fluctuated from the norm.
Stranger: Go on, this is a serious matter, Marine.
You: It's. . . a Vulcan biology matter and an internal issue. But. . . I fear that my control will be insufficient without intervention in the near future.
You: We don't often discuss it with offworlders, Captain. But I'd like to formally request. . . your assistance in this manner.
Stranger: Of course, Marine. Your the best of the group, we can't afford losing you due to radical emotion change and insufficient control of your emotions. What is it you need.
You: Not as my Captain. . . but as my friend, Jim. I trust you understand what I'm insinuating, especially once you consider the near failure of our encounter on Vulcan seven years ago.
Stranger: I see, Ron. Do not worry, you have my complete attention. I will help.
You: The emotional onslaught I experienced during that encounter due to the nature of it. . . I thought you were dead, Jim. I cannot conceive of repeating that method of managing my Pon Farr.
Stranger: Indeed.
You: A fight to the death was unbecoming of a Starfleet officer; I should have realized that, but my emotions were clouding my logic. The ship does not need to be diverted to Vulcan. I believe we can resolve the situation here, on the ship.
Stranger: And what is your logic this time, Ron. I remember last time.
You: Avoiding an illogical waste of ship's resources is the desired outcome. My consultation with both Doctor McCoy and the High Priestess T'Pau have revealed that a mere seven days of sequestration and intermittant intercourse will suffice to sate my Vulcan drive and reset my biochemistry to normal.
You: And I plead succor. Yours, Jim. I believe you understand that I could not conceive of approaching another in this manner. Our friendship has become. . . very important and cherished to me, Jim, beyond any that I have experienced before, and I hope that I can rely on you in this manner.
Stranger: I see the logic...Yes this might work....But what kind of "intermittant intercourse" were you thinking of, Ron. Maybe we should just get Doctor McCoy to rid you of emotions completely....although that could cause problems....
You: Jim, you know that our species does indeed have emotions. Our previous mind melds, I believe, have allowed you to experience this. We merely attempt to suppress them in favor of logic.
Stranger: You do not need to remind me, Ron.
Stranger: I was thinking irrationally. I am sorry.
You: Medical interference with my biochemistry will work as a temporary stopgap, but the Pon Farr is simple. Since a fight to the death is out of the question, it comes down to what my species finds a rather embarrassing, but understandable biological imperative: Mate or die.
You: If Doctor McCoy attempts to manipulate my neurochemistry too much, the disruption in my internal balance will surely be fatal.
Stranger: Yes, very fatal indeed. You have the right logic, Ron. But I'm afraid not the right person. As much as I'd like to help you, I don' think I can on this matter.
You: I. . . could contact Lieutenant Uhura, but I'm sure you'd agree that this would be severely out of character of the Lieutenant and my normal interactions.
You: Jim, I say this to you with all seriousness. I will die without you.
Stranger: Ron...This is a extremely stressful and hard decision, I'm sure you understand.
You: I was reluctant to admit this in previous conversation to avoid embarrassment, but I've felt your feelings when we meld. I know you are attracted to me, Jim. I do not understand why you are resisting?
Stranger: Well, Ron. Are you sure your feeling the right emotion from me. You've..always been the logical type..
You: I admit a certain physical attraction to you as well, Jim, beyond our deep. . . emotional connection. I do not deny it. James T. Kirk, my emotions, outside of the Pon Farr, are imminently illogical when it comes to you.
Stranger: But...but Ron. This is extremely difficult to discuss.
You: I know. Words are insufficent to describe matters of love. Meld with me, Jim. Feel the fire through my veins. My heart beats for you.
You: I need you, Jim. I do not wish to approach another with regards to my Pon Farr. I wish *your* assistance.
Stranger: Wait...Ron...Is this just another one of your terribly intelligent tricks to get me to love you. You know how gullible I am. If you are trying to manipulate me and don't fess up soon, I can assure you that you will no longer be my best or most favoured Starfleet officer. I can easily decline you from your job.
You: Terribly intelligent? You flatter me, Captain. Your resistance is futile--I know I need no tricks to "get you to love me". Your emotions betray you. As do your eyes, Jim.
Stranger: I am no longer putting up with this, Ron. You have become absolutely delirious. I order you back to your quarters now. I am not impressed with you, Ron.
You: I assure you, beyond my will not be able to maintain my logic much longer. This emotional display embarrasses me, Jim, but I fear I cannot
You: *I assure you, I am perfectly sane, though I fear I will not be able to maintain my logic much longer.
You: This emotional display embarrasses me, Jim, but I fear I cannot deny the attraction between us any more than you can continue to.
Stranger: I'm warning you, Ron.
You: Please, Jim. I will return to my quarters if that is your wish, but I plead with you. T'hy'la. Come with me.
You: I love you, Jim.
Stranger: Ron, you have pushed my limits. Go to your quarters and wait for Dr. McCoy. He will be informed of this on-going problem of yours.
Stranger: Go now.
Stranger: I don't want to hear another word
You: Doctor McCoy is aware of the situation. I cleared my plan of action with him before approaching you. He approves of us, Jim. Even supports it. I believe his words were "Finally, you green blooded fool! I'm a doctor, not a yenta, but even I can see that man has been pining over your for eight years now."
Stranger: This is ridiculous, Ron.
You: Feel my heart, Jim. It beats now for you, but it will cease entirely if you deny me. I need this. You need this as well, though your internal conflict seems to suggest that you fear the change it would effect in our relationship.
Stranger: I refuse to believe what you say.
You: Do not fear it, Jim. I may be practiced in t'an s'at, the emotional control of my species, but my mother was human. I recognize the love you have for me when we meld. This is the logical course of action to preserve the integrity of your bridge staff, but this is also the *right* thing to do to preserve the bond between us. It will strengthen it. Do not fear *me*, Jim. We can make it through this. I can make it through this with your help. Please.
Stranger: This has to end now, Ron. Don't you see the damage this is causing?
Stranger: I you won't go...then I shall.
Stranger: Don't come to my funeral.
Stranger: THE END
You: This cannot be the end, Jim. I'm afraid I can no longer be the bastion of logic that I once was, while in this state, but even I can recognize the illogic of this fear. You will not lose me if you agree. You will lose me if you do not.
Stranger: ....
Stranger: K I thought I just ended this
You: How can you end "this"? If there is one thing I have learned from our travels together, Jim, it is that emotion transends time, external influence, and all other factors.
Stranger: K. Buddy. Drop it. I just ended the script thingy. DEAL
You: I wish to remain by your side. Please, Jim, cease this senseless fighting of your emotions and meld with me. My Pon Farr rages with the blood of my ancestors, and it burns hot for you.
Stranger: -_
Stranger: -_-
Stranger: *
Stranger: This isn't fun anymore
You: Thank you, Jim. I knew you would agree that this was the logical course of action--the right course of action.
Stranger: It's just getting annoying
You: Shall we proceed to my quarters?
Stranger: No
Stranger: We shall not proceed to any quarters
You: My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts.
You: Our minds are merging.
You: Our minds are one.
Stranger: K what is this now
Stranger: Battle of the Poems
You: I can feel your mind inside me, Jim. Your feelings are overwhelming.
Stranger: You know. I liked my dramatic ending. But you just had to ruin it.
You: Mine rages with desire for you.
Stranger: You won't give up.
Stranger: Just give it up "Ron"
You: No, Jim. I will never give up on you. T'hyla, if there is one thing I can promise you, it is that I will always be by your side.
Stranger: IM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU SO I MADE MYSELF A DRAMATIC ENDING. DEAL WITH IT!!!
You: Jim! That was positively lewd. I agree with your proposition, however.
Stranger: I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT LEWD MEANS!
You: Melding with me during Pon Farr may be overwhelming at times, Jim, but the experience of the Vulcan mating drive with the one that you love is an experience that I am gratified to be able to share with you.
Stranger: Is this what you do in your spare time? Just RP with people? I wonder, do you talk like this is real life too?
You: I do not know if you have ever been intimate with a touch telepath before, but it can be quite a formidable experience, beyond any pleasures that you could have conceived of.
Stranger: K
Stranger: I have no interest in telepathic pleasures here buddy
Stranger: You know, oddly enough, I like talking to you. Even though you won't stop RPing. I can say whatever I like, and you'll just go on your merry way and RP.
You: You wish only the satisfaction of our physical desires for each other? I fear I cannot break the meld for the duration of the Pon Farr, but I can attempt to maintain my mental blocks to allow you to experience only your sensation, and not that of mine mirrored back to you, though I fear you will be missing out on an integral part of the experience I wish to provide you.
Stranger: K, dude. This isn't cool anymore
Stranger: I'm disconnecting. Just cause your bugging me.
Stranger: Buhbyee.
Stranger: Have fun telepathically pleasuring other people. I'm sure they would find it freaky too.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Still, he played with me for a *looong* time, which was lolarious. Still haven't met any legit GQMFs from the comm, though. Was planning on keeping trying, but atm my hips are being random bitches and really *really* painful, so I've got to go. . . idk, curl up in bed and try to find a position in which they do not ache like whoa. ontd_startrekers, I love you all.
If you've never used Omegle, basically you get randomly paired up with a fellow chatter. It's totally anonymous, and 90% of the time the other person asks you stupid shit like a/s/l and to show your breasticles on webcam or some bs, but I've been having a lot of fun with it. Usually they get weirded out and just disconnect:
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
Stranger: whats up???
You: Fun will now commence.
Stranger: ok...
You: Hi, Christopher. I'm Nero.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
But not always:
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: the game
You: Keptin, the nuclear wessels are twenty meters ahead to starboard.
Stranger: OH FUUUUUUUUUU
Stranger: GO PORT
Stranger: GO PORT
You: Starboard, of course, veing somefing we inwented in Wussia.
Stranger: well i want to go port
You: But Keptin, we need to discower where the dilithium crystal are being hidden!
You: And the nuclear wessels could be masking our energy crystals.
You: (Also somefing inwented in Wussia.)
Stranger: well IM the captain
Stranger: and I say we go port
You: Fine, Keptin. But why, sir?
Stranger: Because there is a nude man on an island portside
Stranger: and i would like to cover him in oil
Stranger: and lick his anus
You: Keptin, what would Meester Spock say?!
Stranger: Spock would already have his cock out
Stranger: and be turning port
Stranger: its too god damn bad that he caught the aids and died
You: But Keptin, deedn't Bones tell you, they can cure Pa'nar syndrome now. (Cure was inwented in Wrussia.)
Stranger: ILL GIVE YOU DOWN SYNDROME IF YOU DONT GO DOWN ON ME THIS INSTANT
You: It just takes a skilled mind melder. You're so familiar weeth Spock's brain that you should have no troouble.
Stranger: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Stranger: img.4chan.org/b/
Stranger: THE GAME
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
I did a bunch of them where I just quoted Voyager episodes to try and get somebody to play along (the semi-object is also to find a fellow ontd_startreker):
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: m or f?
You: Naomi Wildman, subunit of Ensign Samantha Wildman. State your intentions.
Stranger: ummm sex... :(
You: Very well. You leave me no choice but to report your activities to the Captain.
Stranger: o damn please dont
You: Explain.
Stranger: ur mothers penis?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
But I actually played Seven of Nine for a while with this guy (whom I cast as B'Elanna Torres, natch). This one was kind of funny--I started out as Seven during "Infinite Regress", where she's going through all the different personalities, but that gave way to his B'Elanna subplot wherein she is insubordinate and steals a shuttle. Mostly it's me feeding stuff to him and little responses, as you would expect from someone who has no idea what you're doing, but his last line is almost as epic as
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Naomi Wildman, subunit of Ensign Samantha Wildman. State your intentions.
Stranger: My intentions?
You: Why are you present in this location?
Stranger: Not sure.
You: Very well. You leave me no choice but to report your activities to the Captain.
Stranger: Why are you present in this location?
You: I'm picking up an energy signal in the lower subspace bands, and if I'm not mistaken it's got a Borg modulation.
You: Take a look at this, will you?
Stranger: You've lost me.lol.
You: I believe it's a neural interlink frequency.
You: Will you assist me in analyzing the signal so we can present it to Captain Janeway?
Stranger: I'm not sure how.
You: . . . . . .
You: I am the son of K'vok! And you, what House are you from?
Stranger: Umm....
Stranger: I don't remember.
You: You wear the uniform of a Starfleet P'Cha! What kind of a warrior are you?
Stranger: Yes, that's the one.
Stranger: I...I'm a...a secret combat guy.lol.
You: Come, warrior, let me look at you.
You: You are strong. You will make an excellent mate!
Stranger: Mate for who?lol.
You: You will be a strong addition to the House of K'vok~
You: ~~~~~~~~~~~
You: Lieutenant, where am I?
Stranger: Where'd you get all this stuff from?lol.
You: The Captain tells me that I initiated a Klingon mating ritual. Is this what you have experienced, Lieutenant?
Stranger: Nope.
Stranger: I mean, negative.
You: It must be a result of the neural interlink frequency interfacing with my remaining Borg implants.
You: Will you accompany me to sickbay? I believe. . . I need to inform the doctor of this---
You: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You: Lieutenant. This is *not* the Vulcan High Command. I believe I have become. . . displaced.
Stranger: No, I must tie my shoes first.
You: I can assist you in this matter. My assimilation tubules would administer nanoprobes fusing your shoe in the optimum configuration for proper posture and walking.
Stranger: Why thank you.
You: Lieutenant Torres. The warp core has decreased in efficiency by 0.7 percent. I believe it is due to a variance of 0.4 micrograms in the dilithium matrix.
You: We need to reestablish control over the engineering systems before the warp core breaches.
Stranger: No, that's okay.
Stranger: That isn't really necessary.
You: Lieutenant! I have no choice but to report your inaction to the Captain.
You: =/\=Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway=/\=
You: ==/\==Janeway here, go ahead, Seven. Are you reading the same engine fluctuations we are? It's throwing us around up here a bit, so if you and Lieutenant Torres could get that figured out, we'd be much obliged.==/\==
You: =/\=Captain, Lieutenant Torres is refusing to assist me in resolving this manner due to the personal disagreement we had earlier.=/\=
You: ==/\==Lieutenant Torres! What do you have to say for yourself?==/\==
Stranger: I...I...
Stranger: I fear I am rendered speechless.
You: ==/\==Well, get this fixed, soon-to-be-Ensign-Torres. Then meet me in my ready room. Bring Seven with you. We need to have a little chat.==/\==
Stranger: Will do.
Stranger: Well, I'll catch you on the flip side.
You: You attempt to remove a shuttle from Voyager and escape? I advise you, Commander Tuvok will thwart your efforts.
Stranger: So be it.
Stranger: I will see you in the next life.
You: Your attempt to resist the hierarchy on this ship is futile.
Stranger: Observe.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Permission to speak freely, sir?
Stranger: sure
You: This course of action is foolhardy and imminently illogical, Captain.
Stranger: go fuck yourself
You: What is your reasoning behind your presence here?
Stranger: your a dum as
Stranger: your on a fucking chat room
You: Captain, I believe your basic grammar needs a refresher in. . . understandability.
Stranger: fuck you faget
You: Faget. Is this French, Captain? I'm unfamiliar with this term.
Stranger: you stpuip army wanabe
You: Stpuip? Perhaps Klingon?
You: Should I contact Lieutenant Uhura? Perhaps she can help us in this matter. Or. . . perhaps Doctor McCoy.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
I don't know what the first question of this one was about, but this person played with me quite well. I was pleased.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: are you chinese?
You: Lieutenant, all stop.
You: Lieutenant, what is the composition of the subspace disturbance up ahead?
Stranger: mostly hydrogen
Stranger: with what appears to be traces of a tachyon disturbance
You: Can we proceed through it without damage to the hull, or do we need to raise shields to protect hull integrity?
Stranger: recommend shields
You: Acknowledged. Bring the ship to yellow alert. Alert engineering that we may need to divert power--with the sensor reading this fuzzy, the deflector array won't be able to protect us as well as usual. We'll need everything to the shields.
Stranger: I'm picking up an anomaly on the sensors
You: Through the subspace disturbance? On screen.
You: What do you make of it, Lt?
Stranger: _,-'|`||||||||_\___ _,-,_
| /_`-'||||||||' \\-____/_ __o`-,
|[__<|_|||||||| -----.______(=====/
|_\ \------'\____/--------\_,-'
`\`. \-'
\ \ \
`\`. \`
\ `-.__\
\______\
| ___\
\(___======][]
You: I recognize that pattern. . . .
You: Red alert! Charge phasers!
Stranger: the com isn't responding!
You: That's a Romulan Warbird. The tachyons in the disturbance are interfering with their cloaking, resulting in that wavelength pattern. All hands, battle stations.
Stranger: _|_
,' | `,
/ | \
| _|_ |
| ,',|,`, |
|//_|||_\\|
||',-"-,`||
||/ \||
\| |/
`,___,'
You: Incoming photon torpedo! Brace for impact.
You: [Kablow. Several consoles explode due to the starship design engineers' failure to include the highly technological and 24th century innovation known as a fuse.)
Stranger: AARRARRRHARRHRSGGGHSHHHH
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
And then this motherloving epic of awesomeness. I may have to make this into a fic, because I spent way too damn much time Spocking it out over here to just waste all this writing. (Fic!Kirk will be much less reticent, naturally. Chatter!Kirk did not want to get all down with the gay.) But I ask you, "Ron"? I say "Vulcan", "Doctor McCoy", "Starfleet" and am calling you James T. Kirk and you call me Ron? For serious? I'd chalk the continuance up to consistency, as he did call me Ron before I gave quite as explicit of clues as to what I was doing, but I think everybody would switch to Spock once I made it this bloody clear. And some of his comments don't really seem to fit, like he didn't quite grasp the Star Trekness still.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: LELLOW ORANGE
You: Captain, there is a matter I need to discuss with you. In private.
Stranger: Oui what is it Marine
You: I've been experiencing some. . . internal conflict lately. My emotional control has been. . . insufficient when in the proximity of--
You: I've consulted Doctor McCoy and he agrees that my biochemistry has fluctuated from the norm.
Stranger: Go on, this is a serious matter, Marine.
You: It's. . . a Vulcan biology matter and an internal issue. But. . . I fear that my control will be insufficient without intervention in the near future.
You: We don't often discuss it with offworlders, Captain. But I'd like to formally request. . . your assistance in this manner.
Stranger: Of course, Marine. Your the best of the group, we can't afford losing you due to radical emotion change and insufficient control of your emotions. What is it you need.
You: Not as my Captain. . . but as my friend, Jim. I trust you understand what I'm insinuating, especially once you consider the near failure of our encounter on Vulcan seven years ago.
Stranger: I see, Ron. Do not worry, you have my complete attention. I will help.
You: The emotional onslaught I experienced during that encounter due to the nature of it. . . I thought you were dead, Jim. I cannot conceive of repeating that method of managing my Pon Farr.
Stranger: Indeed.
You: A fight to the death was unbecoming of a Starfleet officer; I should have realized that, but my emotions were clouding my logic. The ship does not need to be diverted to Vulcan. I believe we can resolve the situation here, on the ship.
Stranger: And what is your logic this time, Ron. I remember last time.
You: Avoiding an illogical waste of ship's resources is the desired outcome. My consultation with both Doctor McCoy and the High Priestess T'Pau have revealed that a mere seven days of sequestration and intermittant intercourse will suffice to sate my Vulcan drive and reset my biochemistry to normal.
You: And I plead succor. Yours, Jim. I believe you understand that I could not conceive of approaching another in this manner. Our friendship has become. . . very important and cherished to me, Jim, beyond any that I have experienced before, and I hope that I can rely on you in this manner.
Stranger: I see the logic...Yes this might work....But what kind of "intermittant intercourse" were you thinking of, Ron. Maybe we should just get Doctor McCoy to rid you of emotions completely....although that could cause problems....
You: Jim, you know that our species does indeed have emotions. Our previous mind melds, I believe, have allowed you to experience this. We merely attempt to suppress them in favor of logic.
Stranger: You do not need to remind me, Ron.
Stranger: I was thinking irrationally. I am sorry.
You: Medical interference with my biochemistry will work as a temporary stopgap, but the Pon Farr is simple. Since a fight to the death is out of the question, it comes down to what my species finds a rather embarrassing, but understandable biological imperative: Mate or die.
You: If Doctor McCoy attempts to manipulate my neurochemistry too much, the disruption in my internal balance will surely be fatal.
Stranger: Yes, very fatal indeed. You have the right logic, Ron. But I'm afraid not the right person. As much as I'd like to help you, I don' think I can on this matter.
You: I. . . could contact Lieutenant Uhura, but I'm sure you'd agree that this would be severely out of character of the Lieutenant and my normal interactions.
You: Jim, I say this to you with all seriousness. I will die without you.
Stranger: Ron...This is a extremely stressful and hard decision, I'm sure you understand.
You: I was reluctant to admit this in previous conversation to avoid embarrassment, but I've felt your feelings when we meld. I know you are attracted to me, Jim. I do not understand why you are resisting?
Stranger: Well, Ron. Are you sure your feeling the right emotion from me. You've..always been the logical type..
You: I admit a certain physical attraction to you as well, Jim, beyond our deep. . . emotional connection. I do not deny it. James T. Kirk, my emotions, outside of the Pon Farr, are imminently illogical when it comes to you.
Stranger: But...but Ron. This is extremely difficult to discuss.
You: I know. Words are insufficent to describe matters of love. Meld with me, Jim. Feel the fire through my veins. My heart beats for you.
You: I need you, Jim. I do not wish to approach another with regards to my Pon Farr. I wish *your* assistance.
Stranger: Wait...Ron...Is this just another one of your terribly intelligent tricks to get me to love you. You know how gullible I am. If you are trying to manipulate me and don't fess up soon, I can assure you that you will no longer be my best or most favoured Starfleet officer. I can easily decline you from your job.
You: Terribly intelligent? You flatter me, Captain. Your resistance is futile--I know I need no tricks to "get you to love me". Your emotions betray you. As do your eyes, Jim.
Stranger: I am no longer putting up with this, Ron. You have become absolutely delirious. I order you back to your quarters now. I am not impressed with you, Ron.
You: I assure you, beyond my will not be able to maintain my logic much longer. This emotional display embarrasses me, Jim, but I fear I cannot
You: *I assure you, I am perfectly sane, though I fear I will not be able to maintain my logic much longer.
You: This emotional display embarrasses me, Jim, but I fear I cannot deny the attraction between us any more than you can continue to.
Stranger: I'm warning you, Ron.
You: Please, Jim. I will return to my quarters if that is your wish, but I plead with you. T'hy'la. Come with me.
You: I love you, Jim.
Stranger: Ron, you have pushed my limits. Go to your quarters and wait for Dr. McCoy. He will be informed of this on-going problem of yours.
Stranger: Go now.
Stranger: I don't want to hear another word
You: Doctor McCoy is aware of the situation. I cleared my plan of action with him before approaching you. He approves of us, Jim. Even supports it. I believe his words were "Finally, you green blooded fool! I'm a doctor, not a yenta, but even I can see that man has been pining over your for eight years now."
Stranger: This is ridiculous, Ron.
You: Feel my heart, Jim. It beats now for you, but it will cease entirely if you deny me. I need this. You need this as well, though your internal conflict seems to suggest that you fear the change it would effect in our relationship.
Stranger: I refuse to believe what you say.
You: Do not fear it, Jim. I may be practiced in t'an s'at, the emotional control of my species, but my mother was human. I recognize the love you have for me when we meld. This is the logical course of action to preserve the integrity of your bridge staff, but this is also the *right* thing to do to preserve the bond between us. It will strengthen it. Do not fear *me*, Jim. We can make it through this. I can make it through this with your help. Please.
Stranger: This has to end now, Ron. Don't you see the damage this is causing?
Stranger: I you won't go...then I shall.
Stranger: Don't come to my funeral.
Stranger: THE END
You: This cannot be the end, Jim. I'm afraid I can no longer be the bastion of logic that I once was, while in this state, but even I can recognize the illogic of this fear. You will not lose me if you agree. You will lose me if you do not.
Stranger: ....
Stranger: K I thought I just ended this
You: How can you end "this"? If there is one thing I have learned from our travels together, Jim, it is that emotion transends time, external influence, and all other factors.
Stranger: K. Buddy. Drop it. I just ended the script thingy. DEAL
You: I wish to remain by your side. Please, Jim, cease this senseless fighting of your emotions and meld with me. My Pon Farr rages with the blood of my ancestors, and it burns hot for you.
Stranger: -_
Stranger: -_-
Stranger: *
Stranger: This isn't fun anymore
You: Thank you, Jim. I knew you would agree that this was the logical course of action--the right course of action.
Stranger: It's just getting annoying
You: Shall we proceed to my quarters?
Stranger: No
Stranger: We shall not proceed to any quarters
You: My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts.
You: Our minds are merging.
You: Our minds are one.
Stranger: K what is this now
Stranger: Battle of the Poems
You: I can feel your mind inside me, Jim. Your feelings are overwhelming.
Stranger: You know. I liked my dramatic ending. But you just had to ruin it.
You: Mine rages with desire for you.
Stranger: You won't give up.
Stranger: Just give it up "Ron"
You: No, Jim. I will never give up on you. T'hyla, if there is one thing I can promise you, it is that I will always be by your side.
Stranger: IM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU SO I MADE MYSELF A DRAMATIC ENDING. DEAL WITH IT!!!
You: Jim! That was positively lewd. I agree with your proposition, however.
Stranger: I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT LEWD MEANS!
You: Melding with me during Pon Farr may be overwhelming at times, Jim, but the experience of the Vulcan mating drive with the one that you love is an experience that I am gratified to be able to share with you.
Stranger: Is this what you do in your spare time? Just RP with people? I wonder, do you talk like this is real life too?
You: I do not know if you have ever been intimate with a touch telepath before, but it can be quite a formidable experience, beyond any pleasures that you could have conceived of.
Stranger: K
Stranger: I have no interest in telepathic pleasures here buddy
Stranger: You know, oddly enough, I like talking to you. Even though you won't stop RPing. I can say whatever I like, and you'll just go on your merry way and RP.
You: You wish only the satisfaction of our physical desires for each other? I fear I cannot break the meld for the duration of the Pon Farr, but I can attempt to maintain my mental blocks to allow you to experience only your sensation, and not that of mine mirrored back to you, though I fear you will be missing out on an integral part of the experience I wish to provide you.
Stranger: K, dude. This isn't cool anymore
Stranger: I'm disconnecting. Just cause your bugging me.
Stranger: Buhbyee.
Stranger: Have fun telepathically pleasuring other people. I'm sure they would find it freaky too.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Still, he played with me for a *looong* time, which was lolarious. Still haven't met any legit GQMFs from the comm, though. Was planning on keeping trying, but atm my hips are being random bitches and really *really* painful, so I've got to go. . . idk, curl up in bed and try to find a position in which they do not ache like whoa. ontd_startrekers, I love you all.