(no subject)
Speaking of Valentine’s Day being Saturday, Grandmother's birthday. My dad thus called. Which sucks. The fact that it's really hard for me to watch him watch her die just gives me the barest glimpse into how he must be feeling. Their conversation was fairly short because it's so exhausting for her to breathe, at the end of the day like it was when he called, she's just too tired to finish a conversation.
I'm really not sure what to do about the whole thing. He promised to call her today when she couldn't finish talking to him on the 14th, but I don't think he did. I think he forgot, but I also think he wanted to forget because it's so hard for him to hear her struggle to breathe and have trouble finding words sometimes and such. Do I remind him?
Also, do I offer my services in being able to go down there and idk, go to the doctor with her to make sure that everything's being taken care of? From what we've heard from her, the doctor is pretty much shit, and she keeps going to the ER whenever she gets even a bit sick because of doctor fail in him making her think the end is reallyfuckingimminent (which he's been telling her for more than a year now, which just goes to show), but it might be that he's just fail in explaining things in a way she can understand or something. I could go and both sort of translate for her and messenger the real situation back up to the rest of the family, as I'm just under 3 hours away (school is maybe 11 minutes drive off of exactly halfway between home and her). It'd have to be on a weekend or something, really, or after 3 on a weekday, which are hard times to get appointments (as I've found, trying to get one at home for me on a day I can be there for it), so I don't know how feasible it would be, but I could offer. But I don't know if that's. . . appropriate, I guess?
Idk. The whole thing is really affecting me more than I or anyone would have expected. It's the combination of only being at home one long weekend every two months or so and feeling so disconnected because of it, pretty clearly, and it's not so much about Grandma (my brother's always been much closer to Dad's side than I am, probably because he's more clingy in general and we don't spend as much time with his family for me get that attached beyond the inherent familial allegiance) as watching my dad go through it. I actually burst into tears the first time I came home and he ended up leaving that next morning to rush down because Grandma wasn't doing well, which is not something I do out of anything but frustration (though that's a little of what that was, seeing as I'd been gone for 2.5 months and come back and everyone's leaving on me).
Dilemma. Has anybody else gone through long-distance grandparent loss (as that's a huge part of it, that he can't just pop over and be with her on short notice)? How do I support my father without going too far--even though he's not the big macho father that a lot of people I know have, there's a big drive to keep face in front of the rest of the family, naturally, as the male head of household, so anything I do has got to be taken in context of that, as I don't want to add to his discomfort by implying accidentally (or even making him think that I'm implying accidentally) that he can't handle it or anything.
I'm really not sure what to do about the whole thing. He promised to call her today when she couldn't finish talking to him on the 14th, but I don't think he did. I think he forgot, but I also think he wanted to forget because it's so hard for him to hear her struggle to breathe and have trouble finding words sometimes and such. Do I remind him?
Also, do I offer my services in being able to go down there and idk, go to the doctor with her to make sure that everything's being taken care of? From what we've heard from her, the doctor is pretty much shit, and she keeps going to the ER whenever she gets even a bit sick because of doctor fail in him making her think the end is reallyfuckingimminent (which he's been telling her for more than a year now, which just goes to show), but it might be that he's just fail in explaining things in a way she can understand or something. I could go and both sort of translate for her and messenger the real situation back up to the rest of the family, as I'm just under 3 hours away (school is maybe 11 minutes drive off of exactly halfway between home and her). It'd have to be on a weekend or something, really, or after 3 on a weekday, which are hard times to get appointments (as I've found, trying to get one at home for me on a day I can be there for it), so I don't know how feasible it would be, but I could offer. But I don't know if that's. . . appropriate, I guess?
Idk. The whole thing is really affecting me more than I or anyone would have expected. It's the combination of only being at home one long weekend every two months or so and feeling so disconnected because of it, pretty clearly, and it's not so much about Grandma (my brother's always been much closer to Dad's side than I am, probably because he's more clingy in general and we don't spend as much time with his family for me get that attached beyond the inherent familial allegiance) as watching my dad go through it. I actually burst into tears the first time I came home and he ended up leaving that next morning to rush down because Grandma wasn't doing well, which is not something I do out of anything but frustration (though that's a little of what that was, seeing as I'd been gone for 2.5 months and come back and everyone's leaving on me).
Dilemma. Has anybody else gone through long-distance grandparent loss (as that's a huge part of it, that he can't just pop over and be with her on short notice)? How do I support my father without going too far--even though he's not the big macho father that a lot of people I know have, there's a big drive to keep face in front of the rest of the family, naturally, as the male head of household, so anything I do has got to be taken in context of that, as I don't want to add to his discomfort by implying accidentally (or even making him think that I'm implying accidentally) that he can't handle it or anything.