Lost in Kensington part 2
Kame’s father enters the kitchen fifteen minutes later, smoke trailing after him. He stops and blinks; the burning ash of his cigarette falls, tainting the floor.
“Hi, Dad.” Kame remains seated, smiling at his father.
Jin quickly gets up and bows, hitting his knees on the table along the process, “Good morning, Kamenash-san.” He winces, grunts and curses silently.
Kame’s father stays rooted, “I just saw you last night on the evening news!” He points at Jin. He isn’t implying anything, Jin prays, but it doesn’t stop him feeling rather queasy.
“Ah yes, sorry about that.” Jin bows again and a drop of cold sweat trails down his neck, his hair clings to his neck. Itchy.
Kame lets out a small genuine laugh and Jin’s morale jumps upon hearing it. It’s simply raw, comfortable and soothing, like the hypnotic echoes of waterfalls in the deep forests, like the sweet wind chimes in the middle of lazy summers - exactly like everything Jin ever wanted in his life.
“Oh shush you.” Kame’s mother crosses the room to stand in front of her husband, hands on her hips.
“Was I supposed to know they’d be coming?” He mocks whisper, eyeing the clutter in the kitchen warily.
Kame laughs again and somehow it doesn’t feel wrong. He tugs the ends of Jin’s jacket, urging the other to sit down.
His smile reaches his tired eyes, “No, Dad. This is your prodigal son coming home unannounced.”
The other puts on a sad face, “Oh. But why do you have to? We’re doing just fine.” He blinks, “And why is he with you?” He gestures in Jin’s general direction again.
Jin stiffens but Kame laughs again. Years of this act and yet Jin still doesn’t get it.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in America?” Kame’s father moves to sit in front of them, “English, huh.” He pauses, “Hello, what is your name?”
Jin grimaces.
Kame’s mother snorts instead and grabs the cigarette dangling between her husband’s lips and presses the gleaming end in the ashtray until it dies, “I said no smoking inside the house.”
She faces them again, “Excuse him, retirement is not going well for him.”
Jin just sits there, awkwardly glancing back and forth, from Kame’s relaxed face to his bantering parents.
“I love you, Dad.” Kame laughs lightly, wiping a happy tear from the corner of his eyes. There is not a hitch on his tone when he says that.
His father eyes him for a moment. “You’re so disgusting.” The older one says, curtly.
Jin is taken a back with that, baffled with everything that’s happening in front of him, but Kame giggles again, seemingly unaffected, “Oh Dad. But I love you!”
Kame’s mother then snips with a fake scowl, “Shooo you, go, go! Go play golf, clean whatever. Don’t you see they’re eating?”
With a resigned expression, Kame’s father slowly stands up, hands up in the air, surrendering.
“Fine, fine.” He mutters as he trots away, nodding at no one.
Jin breathes in relief when Kame’s father opens the back door.
His relief is, sadly, short-lived as the older Kamenashi pauses just before going out, hands on the door and glances back, giving Jin a stern once-over, “Will you be coming back?”
Jin's mouth dries.
A quick look at Kame sitting beside him somehow gives him the guts he’s seems to have lost over the past few months, “Yes, sir. “
He stands too. He is even willing to kneel.
Kame’s dad cocks his head at the side, “Is that a promise or statement?”
“Statement.”
The older man simply shrugs and turns his back at him, “’Kay.”
Jin feels drained to the last drop of blood as he falls back to his seat.
Kame’s father softly hums a nursery rhyme Kame loved as a child on his way out of the back door, leaving the kitchen in a surprisingly comfortable silence.
Jin is still blinking to himself when he feels Kame’s hand close around his under the table.
Kame feels warmer now. Jin clasps the other’s hand tighter.
***
The hinge doesn’t creak when Jin opens the door. He was somehow even expecting cobwebs.
He pauses by the doorframe and watches Kame as the other curls down onto the bed. Jin smiles to himself bitterly. The truth is, this is where Kame belongs.
Kame sinks further onto the mattress as he rolls onto his back and eyes Jin with such a distant look.
Jin doesn’t return the look. He closes the door instead.
“Lock it.” Kame says, and he does.
Jin tries not to drag his feet as he walks inside and looks around the room.
With a heavy heart, Jin sees that the window is closed and the curtain is down. He can’t see the sky, can’t see his sun.
It seems only like yesterday. Even his feet remember how it feels to stroll on this floor. The room is not dusty; it doesn’t even smell stale.
But it’s lonely. It’s cold here.
Exactly how an abandoned place should be.
Kame stretches his arm towards him, distracting him, a great part of the younger’s face is buried on the pillow, his eyes half-lidded. “C’mere.” The other whispers tiredly.
Jin hesitates, “Shouldn’t we change first?”
Kame shakes his head, “It’s alright.” And he smiles with so much grief Jin thinks someone is dying, lost, breaking. Maybe someone is.
Jin complies anyway. He lies down, facing Kame but not touching him. “Do you have anything scheduled today?”
“Nothing important.” Kame smiles again, distractedly and with such familiar longing, and Jin winces at the sight of it.
Jin breathes deep. He moves, tracing his fingers on Kame’s cheeks. “Please,” Jin pauses, his voice breaks.
God, so much hurt. “Don’t try so hard.”
Kame doesn’t falter, his eyes dark, “Between you and me, I think you should speak for yourself.”
Jin closes his eyes, there’s a dull pain in his chest, “Kame…”
Kame cuts, “Should I go too? America sounds wonderful.” There’s no tremble in his voice. He continues, eyes not blinking, “Should I go instead?”
Jin opens one eye, his arms find Kame’s waist and pulls the other closer. “Why? Do you need to?”
Kame thinks for a moment, his lashes dark against his pale cheeks, “I want to.”
Jin lifts an arm and buries his hand in the other’s hair, fingers stroking the soft locks.
Jin is even humming. His own melody slices through him - memories breaking, desires unfolding.
When Kame makes no movement, Jin buries his head on Kame’s neck and embraces the other, arms snaking around Kame’s slightly trembling frame.
Silence stretches between them. The clock on the wall ticks loudly.
“But you don’t need to,” Jin finally says.
Kame shakes his head. “This is stupid.”
“I’m sorry.”
Kame pulls away and looks at him, eyes tainted with worry, “Why?”
Jin tries to smile at him, “This is all my fault.” He doesn’t acknowledge the tears trailing down his own cheeks.
He grabs Kame’s hands when Kame tries to wipe his tears away, “No.” He kisses and worships the other’s hand instead, “No no no no no…”
“Oh Jin.” Kame gripes as he curls around Jin.
They are breaking.
This time, Jin cries.
***
“I’ll be back.” Jin promises hours later. He had dreamed of stage lights, Spain and Disneyland.
Kame is still asleep, his breathing even, and Jin himself is barely conscious but he continuously whispers these words again despite himself. He hums his promise with a taunting melody, whose dark beats of uncertainty is clouded by the sweet wistfulness that hangs over them.
Kame moans in his sleep, as if responding to Jin’s gentle mantra, and restlessly moves closer to the other.
Jin nestles his face closer on the other’s neck in response and kisses the soft skin there. He inhales deeply and lets himself get lost in Kame’s scent. He remembers it and etches the fragrance deep in his soul.
With a soft sigh, Jin finally closes his eyes.
The sun has fallen outside.
Together, they dream again.
END
“Hi, Dad.” Kame remains seated, smiling at his father.
Jin quickly gets up and bows, hitting his knees on the table along the process, “Good morning, Kamenash-san.” He winces, grunts and curses silently.
Kame’s father stays rooted, “I just saw you last night on the evening news!” He points at Jin. He isn’t implying anything, Jin prays, but it doesn’t stop him feeling rather queasy.
“Ah yes, sorry about that.” Jin bows again and a drop of cold sweat trails down his neck, his hair clings to his neck. Itchy.
Kame lets out a small genuine laugh and Jin’s morale jumps upon hearing it. It’s simply raw, comfortable and soothing, like the hypnotic echoes of waterfalls in the deep forests, like the sweet wind chimes in the middle of lazy summers - exactly like everything Jin ever wanted in his life.
“Oh shush you.” Kame’s mother crosses the room to stand in front of her husband, hands on her hips.
“Was I supposed to know they’d be coming?” He mocks whisper, eyeing the clutter in the kitchen warily.
Kame laughs again and somehow it doesn’t feel wrong. He tugs the ends of Jin’s jacket, urging the other to sit down.
His smile reaches his tired eyes, “No, Dad. This is your prodigal son coming home unannounced.”
The other puts on a sad face, “Oh. But why do you have to? We’re doing just fine.” He blinks, “And why is he with you?” He gestures in Jin’s general direction again.
Jin stiffens but Kame laughs again. Years of this act and yet Jin still doesn’t get it.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in America?” Kame’s father moves to sit in front of them, “English, huh.” He pauses, “Hello, what is your name?”
Jin grimaces.
Kame’s mother snorts instead and grabs the cigarette dangling between her husband’s lips and presses the gleaming end in the ashtray until it dies, “I said no smoking inside the house.”
She faces them again, “Excuse him, retirement is not going well for him.”
Jin just sits there, awkwardly glancing back and forth, from Kame’s relaxed face to his bantering parents.
“I love you, Dad.” Kame laughs lightly, wiping a happy tear from the corner of his eyes. There is not a hitch on his tone when he says that.
His father eyes him for a moment. “You’re so disgusting.” The older one says, curtly.
Jin is taken a back with that, baffled with everything that’s happening in front of him, but Kame giggles again, seemingly unaffected, “Oh Dad. But I love you!”
Kame’s mother then snips with a fake scowl, “Shooo you, go, go! Go play golf, clean whatever. Don’t you see they’re eating?”
With a resigned expression, Kame’s father slowly stands up, hands up in the air, surrendering.
“Fine, fine.” He mutters as he trots away, nodding at no one.
Jin breathes in relief when Kame’s father opens the back door.
His relief is, sadly, short-lived as the older Kamenashi pauses just before going out, hands on the door and glances back, giving Jin a stern once-over, “Will you be coming back?”
Jin's mouth dries.
A quick look at Kame sitting beside him somehow gives him the guts he’s seems to have lost over the past few months, “Yes, sir. “
He stands too. He is even willing to kneel.
Kame’s dad cocks his head at the side, “Is that a promise or statement?”
“Statement.”
The older man simply shrugs and turns his back at him, “’Kay.”
Jin feels drained to the last drop of blood as he falls back to his seat.
Kame’s father softly hums a nursery rhyme Kame loved as a child on his way out of the back door, leaving the kitchen in a surprisingly comfortable silence.
Jin is still blinking to himself when he feels Kame’s hand close around his under the table.
Kame feels warmer now. Jin clasps the other’s hand tighter.
***
The hinge doesn’t creak when Jin opens the door. He was somehow even expecting cobwebs.
He pauses by the doorframe and watches Kame as the other curls down onto the bed. Jin smiles to himself bitterly. The truth is, this is where Kame belongs.
Kame sinks further onto the mattress as he rolls onto his back and eyes Jin with such a distant look.
Jin doesn’t return the look. He closes the door instead.
“Lock it.” Kame says, and he does.
Jin tries not to drag his feet as he walks inside and looks around the room.
With a heavy heart, Jin sees that the window is closed and the curtain is down. He can’t see the sky, can’t see his sun.
It seems only like yesterday. Even his feet remember how it feels to stroll on this floor. The room is not dusty; it doesn’t even smell stale.
But it’s lonely. It’s cold here.
Exactly how an abandoned place should be.
Kame stretches his arm towards him, distracting him, a great part of the younger’s face is buried on the pillow, his eyes half-lidded. “C’mere.” The other whispers tiredly.
Jin hesitates, “Shouldn’t we change first?”
Kame shakes his head, “It’s alright.” And he smiles with so much grief Jin thinks someone is dying, lost, breaking. Maybe someone is.
Jin complies anyway. He lies down, facing Kame but not touching him. “Do you have anything scheduled today?”
“Nothing important.” Kame smiles again, distractedly and with such familiar longing, and Jin winces at the sight of it.
Jin breathes deep. He moves, tracing his fingers on Kame’s cheeks. “Please,” Jin pauses, his voice breaks.
God, so much hurt. “Don’t try so hard.”
Kame doesn’t falter, his eyes dark, “Between you and me, I think you should speak for yourself.”
Jin closes his eyes, there’s a dull pain in his chest, “Kame…”
Kame cuts, “Should I go too? America sounds wonderful.” There’s no tremble in his voice. He continues, eyes not blinking, “Should I go instead?”
Jin opens one eye, his arms find Kame’s waist and pulls the other closer. “Why? Do you need to?”
Kame thinks for a moment, his lashes dark against his pale cheeks, “I want to.”
Jin lifts an arm and buries his hand in the other’s hair, fingers stroking the soft locks.
Jin is even humming. His own melody slices through him - memories breaking, desires unfolding.
When Kame makes no movement, Jin buries his head on Kame’s neck and embraces the other, arms snaking around Kame’s slightly trembling frame.
Silence stretches between them. The clock on the wall ticks loudly.
“But you don’t need to,” Jin finally says.
Kame shakes his head. “This is stupid.”
“I’m sorry.”
Kame pulls away and looks at him, eyes tainted with worry, “Why?”
Jin tries to smile at him, “This is all my fault.” He doesn’t acknowledge the tears trailing down his own cheeks.
He grabs Kame’s hands when Kame tries to wipe his tears away, “No.” He kisses and worships the other’s hand instead, “No no no no no…”
“Oh Jin.” Kame gripes as he curls around Jin.
They are breaking.
This time, Jin cries.
***
“I’ll be back.” Jin promises hours later. He had dreamed of stage lights, Spain and Disneyland.
Kame is still asleep, his breathing even, and Jin himself is barely conscious but he continuously whispers these words again despite himself. He hums his promise with a taunting melody, whose dark beats of uncertainty is clouded by the sweet wistfulness that hangs over them.
Kame moans in his sleep, as if responding to Jin’s gentle mantra, and restlessly moves closer to the other.
Jin nestles his face closer on the other’s neck in response and kisses the soft skin there. He inhales deeply and lets himself get lost in Kame’s scent. He remembers it and etches the fragrance deep in his soul.
With a soft sigh, Jin finally closes his eyes.
The sun has fallen outside.
Together, they dream again.
END