Transience (YG/Taiji, YG/Perry)
Title: Transience
Rating: PG-13ish
Pairing: YG/Seo Taiji, YG/Perry
Summary: A study of YG and Taiji's relationship.
Hyun Suk feels like he's not enough anymore. Taiji is becoming more and more withdrawn - he sits in their studio, curled in on himself, with sheet music strewn around him and dark circles under his eyes. The fame is getting to him. It's getting to all three of them, of course, but Taiji's the only one who wakes up gasping for breath in the middle of the night, eyes wide and frightened and fingers clenched in Hyun Suk's shirt. Hyun Suk can't help but feel like he's failed somehow.
So he tries harder. He makes silly jokes until Taiji smiles at him - wan, tired smiles, but they're better than nothing. He makes sure he's always close to him when they have to make their way through dozens of screaming fans, then keeps an arm around him in the van until his heart stops racing. Once, after Taiji wistfully mentions how much he misses going out without getting mobbed, Hyun Suk even empties out an entire restaurant so they can have dinner together.
It's all worth it just to see Taiji's face light up again, but it never lasts long, so Hyun Suk isn't surprised when, after an especially stressful day, Taiji hugs him tightly, buries his face against his neck, and whispers that he has to leave.
***
Guam is way too hot and humid for cuddling, but Hyun Suk crawls into Sean's bed anyway when he can't sleep (which is most of the time). Sean never protests, even when they wake up at night in a sweaty, uncomfortable tangle of limbs. He's probably worried about Taiji, too. He left without telling them where he was going, so all Hyun Suk can do is to check his e-mails too many times a day and hope to hear from him.
It takes exactly seven months and eleven days. The e-mail doesn't say much - Taiji's in NYC and he seems happy. He left a number, which Hyun Suk calls right away. He's disappointed when the answering machine picks up. Taiji recorded a message in English, soft and accented and just a bit too fast for Hyun Suk to understand everything. He does understand "Taiji and Melissa", though, and when a cheerful female voice joins in to say "leave a message", Hyun Suk hangs up and doesn't call again.
***
Hyun Suk walks into his office one day and Taiji's right there, sitting on his desk and swinging his legs as he flips through his agenda. He looks up and smiles at him, fingers smoothing down the bent corner of one page. "I need someone to produce my album, so I thought..."
Hyun Suk doesn't think he's ever moved that fast - whatever Taiji was going to say is muffled by his left shoulder as he clutches him, eyes shut tightly to hold back the tears.
They make love in Hyun Suk's apartment that night, for the first time in three years, and things are almost the way they were before Taiji left. Taiji simply ignores Perry's clothes strewn around the bedroom and, in return, Hyun Suk doesn't ask about the fading bruises on Taiji's wrists and hips.
They talk well into the night, murmuring to each other until Taiji falls asleep in his arms, looking more at peace than he's ever been. With Taiji nestled against him and their future musical plans running through his mind, it's easy to believe that he'll be able to make it last this time.
***
Perry doesn't understand. Hyun Suk notices the flicker of anger (or maybe hurt - it's always hard to tell with him) in his eyes every time he cancels something they were planning to do so he can have dinner with Taiji. But Perry's always in Seoul, and Taiji only reappears occasionally, hiding beneath hats and big sunglasses just to see Hyun Suk. He loves Perry, but the choice isn't hard to make.
When Perry walks in on them cuddling and kissing on the couch, Hyun Suk's efforts to look as abashed as he should feel are ignored - he walks straight to the bedroom, comes out a few minutes later with a bag slung over his shoulder, and doesn't even glance at them as he leaves. Taiji tries to apologize, but Hyun Suk waves it off, and after a few glasses of wine, he mostly forgets about the break-up in favor of tickling Taiji until he's laughing uncontrollably. When Hyun Suk pins him down more firmly and pulls his hands out of the way, though, he can't help but notice the way his eyes darken and his breath catches in his throat. The occasional bruises on Taiji's body suddenly make sense that night.
Once both their solo albums are released, Hyun Suk tries to suppress the growing feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. It seems inevitable that soon he'll come home to an empty bed and a living room devoid of Taiji's laptop, notebooks, and half-eaten instant ramyun, but he'd like to think that he's enough of a reason for Taiji to stay.
And as it turns out, he isn't.
***
Taiji never seems to get any older. Every time Hyun Suk walks into his apartment and finds Taiji on the couch with his laptop, he looks up at him and gives him the same quiet, content smile. It makes Hyun Suk acutely aware of how much he's changed, but the butterflies in his stomach still feel the same after all this time.
Before they fall asleep, Hyun Suk usually asks him when he's going to leave. The answer always makes his arms tighten convulsively around Taiji, but he's learning not to expect him to change. He knows Taiji will leave no matter what he does - it doesn't make waking up alone any easier, but he accepts the inevitability of it.
Taiji doesn't come back to Seoul for anyone else, after all.
Rating: PG-13ish
Pairing: YG/Seo Taiji, YG/Perry
Summary: A study of YG and Taiji's relationship.
Hyun Suk feels like he's not enough anymore. Taiji is becoming more and more withdrawn - he sits in their studio, curled in on himself, with sheet music strewn around him and dark circles under his eyes. The fame is getting to him. It's getting to all three of them, of course, but Taiji's the only one who wakes up gasping for breath in the middle of the night, eyes wide and frightened and fingers clenched in Hyun Suk's shirt. Hyun Suk can't help but feel like he's failed somehow.
So he tries harder. He makes silly jokes until Taiji smiles at him - wan, tired smiles, but they're better than nothing. He makes sure he's always close to him when they have to make their way through dozens of screaming fans, then keeps an arm around him in the van until his heart stops racing. Once, after Taiji wistfully mentions how much he misses going out without getting mobbed, Hyun Suk even empties out an entire restaurant so they can have dinner together.
It's all worth it just to see Taiji's face light up again, but it never lasts long, so Hyun Suk isn't surprised when, after an especially stressful day, Taiji hugs him tightly, buries his face against his neck, and whispers that he has to leave.
***
Guam is way too hot and humid for cuddling, but Hyun Suk crawls into Sean's bed anyway when he can't sleep (which is most of the time). Sean never protests, even when they wake up at night in a sweaty, uncomfortable tangle of limbs. He's probably worried about Taiji, too. He left without telling them where he was going, so all Hyun Suk can do is to check his e-mails too many times a day and hope to hear from him.
It takes exactly seven months and eleven days. The e-mail doesn't say much - Taiji's in NYC and he seems happy. He left a number, which Hyun Suk calls right away. He's disappointed when the answering machine picks up. Taiji recorded a message in English, soft and accented and just a bit too fast for Hyun Suk to understand everything. He does understand "Taiji and Melissa", though, and when a cheerful female voice joins in to say "leave a message", Hyun Suk hangs up and doesn't call again.
***
Hyun Suk walks into his office one day and Taiji's right there, sitting on his desk and swinging his legs as he flips through his agenda. He looks up and smiles at him, fingers smoothing down the bent corner of one page. "I need someone to produce my album, so I thought..."
Hyun Suk doesn't think he's ever moved that fast - whatever Taiji was going to say is muffled by his left shoulder as he clutches him, eyes shut tightly to hold back the tears.
They make love in Hyun Suk's apartment that night, for the first time in three years, and things are almost the way they were before Taiji left. Taiji simply ignores Perry's clothes strewn around the bedroom and, in return, Hyun Suk doesn't ask about the fading bruises on Taiji's wrists and hips.
They talk well into the night, murmuring to each other until Taiji falls asleep in his arms, looking more at peace than he's ever been. With Taiji nestled against him and their future musical plans running through his mind, it's easy to believe that he'll be able to make it last this time.
***
Perry doesn't understand. Hyun Suk notices the flicker of anger (or maybe hurt - it's always hard to tell with him) in his eyes every time he cancels something they were planning to do so he can have dinner with Taiji. But Perry's always in Seoul, and Taiji only reappears occasionally, hiding beneath hats and big sunglasses just to see Hyun Suk. He loves Perry, but the choice isn't hard to make.
When Perry walks in on them cuddling and kissing on the couch, Hyun Suk's efforts to look as abashed as he should feel are ignored - he walks straight to the bedroom, comes out a few minutes later with a bag slung over his shoulder, and doesn't even glance at them as he leaves. Taiji tries to apologize, but Hyun Suk waves it off, and after a few glasses of wine, he mostly forgets about the break-up in favor of tickling Taiji until he's laughing uncontrollably. When Hyun Suk pins him down more firmly and pulls his hands out of the way, though, he can't help but notice the way his eyes darken and his breath catches in his throat. The occasional bruises on Taiji's body suddenly make sense that night.
Once both their solo albums are released, Hyun Suk tries to suppress the growing feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. It seems inevitable that soon he'll come home to an empty bed and a living room devoid of Taiji's laptop, notebooks, and half-eaten instant ramyun, but he'd like to think that he's enough of a reason for Taiji to stay.
And as it turns out, he isn't.
***
Taiji never seems to get any older. Every time Hyun Suk walks into his apartment and finds Taiji on the couch with his laptop, he looks up at him and gives him the same quiet, content smile. It makes Hyun Suk acutely aware of how much he's changed, but the butterflies in his stomach still feel the same after all this time.
Before they fall asleep, Hyun Suk usually asks him when he's going to leave. The answer always makes his arms tighten convulsively around Taiji, but he's learning not to expect him to change. He knows Taiji will leave no matter what he does - it doesn't make waking up alone any easier, but he accepts the inevitability of it.
Taiji doesn't come back to Seoul for anyone else, after all.