"Destiny gets nervous"
Have you ever been somewhere in your life when you know you could just die right then and that would be okay?
Sometimes in our lives we have what could be called paradigm shifts. A complete shift in our life. Maybe the people and things in our lives stay the same, but something significant changes. It could be that we discovered the meaning of life, or a meaning, or it could be that we learned a new level of trust.
I have learned what it means to be close to someone. I've never had that the way I do believe I do now. I've tried for it certainly, wished for it, but I couldn't even know what I was hoping for. I feel somewhat above the general world's population. Not in a snobby way, hardly, more like I am standing on a mountain and looking down at everyone who will probably never even realize there is a mountain to climb. Or they are climbing but not getting very far. I have been in my south bell tower for so long, and now there is finally someone else here with me.
And for so long I was looking for the wrong thing. I thought that I needed this certain thing to be complete. I always knew I needed someone else to feel the way I wanted to feel - not the way I feel now since it is so much better than I ever imagined. And that I can't describe where I am or how I feel to this other person, just makes it that much more obvious that I will never be able to explain it to anyone else.
You know that song, maybe it makes you cry or get goose bumps, the one that you don't just enjoy but it actually... makes your heart and soul leap? Konstantine by Something Corporate is one of those for me, also Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley. And you know that feeling when you are where you love being? Like Disneyland, your secret beach, or your girlfriends house? And that feeling when you see someone you have missed for a very long time, or when you get to hug someone you really really care about, and just can't seem to onto tight enough. None of those even compare.
I have wasted so much of my time on this Earth on things not worth wasting it on. I'm 21 and that's 21 years older than when I wish I had met this person. If you finally find some meaning to your life, or something that makes it so worth living, even if just for someone else, then how can you not wish you had spent your whole life doing that. I know that my chances to meet this person are so small, that I am ever grateful the stars lined up. I always think that perhaps if I had just turned my head to the left instead of the right, and not seen someone, say at school, then I might not have talked to them once, and the rest of the day would have been different, and then the next, and... I can think of a million small decisions that could've kept me from ever meeting this person.
I can never be grateful enough that they are in my life. Yes, words are not enough, and neither are pictures. By the way if your teacher ever assigns you a 5000 word essay just turn in 5 pictures. I thought that was funny and I kinda made it up myself.
If I don't wake up tomorrow, I can honestly say I made it to a point in my life where the only thing I will regret is not being able to be around for people I care about.
Maybe there isn't a point to life except to be next to someone. To breath with someone. To know that every rise and fall of their body is another moment towards an eternity of happiness. Or at least as long as happiness is possible. To try to explain to them that every rise and fall of your own body is another moment of pure and full love for them, in a way that you know no one else will ever really feel.
To know that if they read this they will understand.
To wish that they would understand why you are crying or shivering, because it has nothing to do with being sad or cold.
I've never had the kind of relationship so many men and women have had, even though I wanted it for a long time. I do finally understand what it's like to be close to someone. I understand why apologies for so many things are not needed.
This whole life seems so monotonous, and dull. I want to leave everything behind, get rid of everything, and go to my paradise. I don't really need anything anymore.
I'm not getting anywhere trying to explain this, so I am going to stop.
Here's to my best friend, the most wonderful person ever, for reasons only I will ever fully understand. Thank you.
Ben
Tonight I watch the lights go out in your house
Wondering how I could get so deep
And you can still get to sleep
In vain I blame my trembling on the cold air
And I can't hide that I relied on you
Like yellow does on blue
And your my good feeling, I'm kneeling
Inside her room she paints me blue
And you are my reason for breathing
Inside her room she paints me blue
Atlanta started raining on me
And teenage love was underground
Tonight I break the surface
Atlanta started raining on me
And no young girl was claiming me
And naming me
And destiny gets nervous and
And your my good feeling, I'm kneeling
Inside her room she paints me blue
And you are my reason for breathing
Inside her room she paints me blue, again
And your my good feeling, I'm kneeling
Inside her room she paints me blue
And you are my reason for breathing
Inside her room she paints me blue, again
Atlanta started raining on me
on me
Atlanta started raining on me
on me
Sometimes in our lives we have what could be called paradigm shifts. A complete shift in our life. Maybe the people and things in our lives stay the same, but something significant changes. It could be that we discovered the meaning of life, or a meaning, or it could be that we learned a new level of trust.
I have learned what it means to be close to someone. I've never had that the way I do believe I do now. I've tried for it certainly, wished for it, but I couldn't even know what I was hoping for. I feel somewhat above the general world's population. Not in a snobby way, hardly, more like I am standing on a mountain and looking down at everyone who will probably never even realize there is a mountain to climb. Or they are climbing but not getting very far. I have been in my south bell tower for so long, and now there is finally someone else here with me.
And for so long I was looking for the wrong thing. I thought that I needed this certain thing to be complete. I always knew I needed someone else to feel the way I wanted to feel - not the way I feel now since it is so much better than I ever imagined. And that I can't describe where I am or how I feel to this other person, just makes it that much more obvious that I will never be able to explain it to anyone else.
You know that song, maybe it makes you cry or get goose bumps, the one that you don't just enjoy but it actually... makes your heart and soul leap? Konstantine by Something Corporate is one of those for me, also Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley. And you know that feeling when you are where you love being? Like Disneyland, your secret beach, or your girlfriends house? And that feeling when you see someone you have missed for a very long time, or when you get to hug someone you really really care about, and just can't seem to onto tight enough. None of those even compare.
I have wasted so much of my time on this Earth on things not worth wasting it on. I'm 21 and that's 21 years older than when I wish I had met this person. If you finally find some meaning to your life, or something that makes it so worth living, even if just for someone else, then how can you not wish you had spent your whole life doing that. I know that my chances to meet this person are so small, that I am ever grateful the stars lined up. I always think that perhaps if I had just turned my head to the left instead of the right, and not seen someone, say at school, then I might not have talked to them once, and the rest of the day would have been different, and then the next, and... I can think of a million small decisions that could've kept me from ever meeting this person.
I can never be grateful enough that they are in my life. Yes, words are not enough, and neither are pictures. By the way if your teacher ever assigns you a 5000 word essay just turn in 5 pictures. I thought that was funny and I kinda made it up myself.
If I don't wake up tomorrow, I can honestly say I made it to a point in my life where the only thing I will regret is not being able to be around for people I care about.
Maybe there isn't a point to life except to be next to someone. To breath with someone. To know that every rise and fall of their body is another moment towards an eternity of happiness. Or at least as long as happiness is possible. To try to explain to them that every rise and fall of your own body is another moment of pure and full love for them, in a way that you know no one else will ever really feel.
To know that if they read this they will understand.
To wish that they would understand why you are crying or shivering, because it has nothing to do with being sad or cold.
I've never had the kind of relationship so many men and women have had, even though I wanted it for a long time. I do finally understand what it's like to be close to someone. I understand why apologies for so many things are not needed.
This whole life seems so monotonous, and dull. I want to leave everything behind, get rid of everything, and go to my paradise. I don't really need anything anymore.
I'm not getting anywhere trying to explain this, so I am going to stop.
Here's to my best friend, the most wonderful person ever, for reasons only I will ever fully understand. Thank you.
Ben
Tonight I watch the lights go out in your house
Wondering how I could get so deep
And you can still get to sleep
In vain I blame my trembling on the cold air
And I can't hide that I relied on you
Like yellow does on blue
And your my good feeling, I'm kneeling
Inside her room she paints me blue
And you are my reason for breathing
Inside her room she paints me blue
Atlanta started raining on me
And teenage love was underground
Tonight I break the surface
Atlanta started raining on me
And no young girl was claiming me
And naming me
And destiny gets nervous and
And your my good feeling, I'm kneeling
Inside her room she paints me blue
And you are my reason for breathing
Inside her room she paints me blue, again
And your my good feeling, I'm kneeling
Inside her room she paints me blue
And you are my reason for breathing
Inside her room she paints me blue, again
Atlanta started raining on me
on me
Atlanta started raining on me
on me